Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ode to 2008

Another year...gone. Am I the only one who feels achy and old? Time sifts away "like sands through the hour glass..." and no I haven't become addicted to "Days of Our Lives" since I've been on bed rest thank you very much. I mean c'mon where has the year gone? It's been both the shortest AND longest year of my life. Not to jump on the bandwagon or anything - okay, okay that's exactly what I'm doing - but here are the highlights that have happened to Em-Cat this year...I think my New Year's resolution will be to start referring to myself in 3rd person...

My Alter ego is a Porn Star - The fact of the matter is that some girl is out there pretending to be me AND she's a porn star. I'm still not sure if I should be eccstatic or really creeped out. I kinda feel like Phoebe Buffay and I've just discovered that my evil twin Ursulla is using my name in her porno videos...you're right - I should be creeped out. Yeah, that's what I've decided.

I discovered that Ron Paul and I are total homey's - Okay - for all of you who said or even thought I was a "crazy ultra-conservative lunatic" (yes I heard it directly AND indirectly from quite a few people) to be supporting someone who went totally against the grain politically and had the audacity to want to take the country back to its Constitutional roots (Oh that is SO 18th century!) - doesn't his ideals and standards look pretty nice now that our country is in a total downward spiral? I mean we're talking bailouts, a messy war that has totally become Vietnam numero dos and countless other things that I can't even mention because I can't think of them right now (I blame my pregnancy brain - hey whatev, I have two weeks to use that excuse and I'm going to do it dang it!). I just feel happy that I stuck to my guns and voted my conscience, no matter how many people told me I was throwing my vote away. I actually felt at peace after leaving the voting booth and know I did the right thing...SO PA-CHA!

Good bye Uncle Farrell - My mom's brother passed away in April. He was such an amazing Father, Brother, Uncle, Grandfather. He was one of those guys who was very shy and modest and preferred to sit on the sidelines to watch people interract with each other than to do any interraction himself, but once you got him going he was great for a laugh or a nice conversation. He had a full and colorful life and never took his family and friends for granted. He's gone home with his amazing wife Kay and those of us who knew him well are better people for it.

Robbie and I took a trip to the Paraiso de Puerto Rico (I think I sang "I like to be in Ame-ri-ca..." the entire time "I like the city of San Juan...I know a boat you can get on") - It was a total work related trip, but we managed to turn it into a lovely little vay-cay as well. No offense to my PR-peeps, but we were at a bit of a loss. I mean, we totally had a fun time and found cool light houses, explored the old Spanish Fort and fell in LU-OVE with the local comida (our favorite was the tostones and virgin pina coladas). But HELLO - I got eaten to DEATH by mosquitos (BLAST to my sweet blood) and what is up with the policia and ambulancias driving around all day and night with their flashing lights flashing (um aren't you supposed to turn those on in an - oh I don't know - emergency?)? Yeah - and there's this crazy fascination with Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King and Church's Chicken - in that order...every 1/2 mile or so you'd see the same line up of grease pits. We could be driving through the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden there they were - Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King and Church's Chicken. Can you say Pa-sycho? Oh and one other thing - where are the waves of the ocean? They just didn't happen in good ol' PR. Needless to say we love our little Newport Paradise and may just go on vacation HERE next time we need a little R&R.

We made it to our 1 year anniversary!! - I'm still in awe that I actually found THE BEST guy on the planet to marry. Many of you may protest - but it's true - My Robbie IS the best guy even if he's just my best guy. By the time my Robbie came along I thought all the good guys had been taken or were members of my family and I wasn't about to go there...eeeewwww. We spent our anniversary in Moab, Utah. We hiked and enjoyed the scenery and totally perfected dutch oven peach cobbler. We felt like we were roughing it even though we stayed in a cabin with lights and a heater. By "roughing it" I mean we had to walk more than 5 feet to use the public bathroom and shower AND we had to cook our own meals - OUTSIDE mind you. Don't worry - we made it through okay and didn't get any diseases or anything. We had tons o' fun even though it was a little far of a drive for a short weekend.

Clearblue Easy confirmed Robbie's suspicions that I was pregnant...I was acting a little more Psycho-er than normal and the only food items that appealed to me were saltene crakers and gingerale. Every time I complained about morning sickness he sweetly reminded me how gung-ho I was about reproducing...he stopped saying that when I chopped is little pinky-toe off though - luckily I let him keep it so he could have it re-attached*.

*For those of you who don't get my humor - that was a joke - I didn't really chop his pinky toe off...but I would have liked to...

I decided to have a good attitude about being so sick and sooooo pregnant - then I got Kidney Stones and spent 4 days in the hospital feeling like death would be a nice vacation. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Even though I was sure we were going to have a girl...the ultrasound didn't lie - IT'S A BOY!! I didn't know I could be in love with more than one man, but yes I fell madly in love with this little fetus growing inside me. Robbie and I were both so excited when we found out we were having a boy and just the other day we found out that his *ahem* manhood is quite impressive. Needless to say, Robbie is a very proud papa.

I get put on bed rest and get to spend each day focusing on my little J-Dawg. I wasn't happy at first, but realized that this was God's way of giving me an opportunity to serve and sacrifice for my little man. It's truly been a growing experience and I've really felt priviledged to be my little J's mommy. I look forward to being his mommy when he comes to us in this life and on through the eternities.

I Voted Yes on Prop 8. I ain't gonna lie...this has been a tough one for me. I felt so bad (actually the words hurt and angry sum up a little better what I was feeling) about the scrutiny the church was getting for our support of Prop 8, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns and felt confident in my vote. I felt horrible about the protests at the Temples, but this whole experience has taught me to love everyone, despite our difference of opinions. I honestly pray each night that I will love those who are against Prop 8 and it has really made all the difference to me. I've also gained a greater assurance that Thomas S. Monson is truly a prophet of God and I will stand by him through sunshine and storm. I don't have any more hurt or anger over this issue and feel like I understand a little more what it means to love my fellow men.

Well, as I stand on the threshold of motherhood and look back at 2008 I'd say I've learned a lot this year and all I can say to 2009...BRING IT ON BABY!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I Think I Married a Scrooge

Imagine if you will the following scenario...

Me: "I finished putting together the songs for our annual Christmas CD." (note: We give a CD to our friends and family every year instead of a Christmas Card...It's pretty sweet this year if I say so myself.)

My Dear Husband: "Oh that's nice. You do such a good job at that."

Me: "I really want you to listen to the songs. When we get home do you want to listen to it with me?"

MDH: "That's okay. I trust you. I think you did a good job last year."

Me: "Yeah, but don't you want to hear what I picked?"

MDH: "No, I trust you."

Me: "Yeah, but I'd like to see what you think since it's from you just as much as it is from me. Besides you vetoed some songs I picked last year"

MDH: "Well, I know you better than I did last year and I know your picks will be just fine."

Me: "Well how 'bout I make you a copy of the CD and you can listen to it while you're out running errands this afternoon?"

MDH: "Mmmmm....nah...that's okay."

Me: "What? Why not?"

MDH: "I don't really like to listen to that much Christmas music."

Me: "What the...?"

MDH: "Yeah, it's just a little too much cheerfulness for me..."

Me: "Holy crap I married a Scrooge!"

MDH: "NO! I'm just saving myself for Wednesday and Thursday..."

Me: "Whatever...you're a Scrooge..."

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Promise I'm not Complaining...

I'm feeling like that last post was a bit too whiny! I didn't mean to whine...I just feel bad for all of my 2 blog readers because I'm not filling your life with light-hearted funniness any more and have replaced it with mommy sappiness. Either your relieved because I'm so NOT funny, or your sad because you feel like I'm one of the greatest comic minds on the planet. If it's the first then your welcome. If it's the second then you really need to get out more...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I think bed-rest has made me extremely UN-funny...

I used to joke with my dad that when he had open-heart surgery they took his sense of humor out and forgot to put it back in...seriously the man tells THE DUMBEST jokes on the planet and I swear he's the only one who thinks they're funny. I think the rest of us only laugh because his jokes were so NOT-funny yet he laughs pretty hard at them.

I'm looking at myself in the mirror (figuratively) and I find that I no longer have anything funny or witty to write on this blog-o-mine. It could be because I spend hours/days/weeks/months years/decades/millenia in this little box decorated with Christmas everywhere and very rarely get to go outside. All the while wondering if the goofy Em-Cat of yester-year will ever return or if the sense of humor fairy will completely revoke my crazy-self once the kid shoots out and replace it with sentimental mommy-ness.

I guess we'll just have to see. In the mean time, continue to enjoy the sentimental CRAP I give you, because seriously folks - it's all I have to work with!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Wanna Pee Your Pants?

THIS is seriously the funniest blog post I've EVER read...

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Legacy of the Red Bicycle


It was a beautiful June morning in 2007. The sun shone bright; a lovely but rare occasion considering most mornings were filled with the “June Glooms” of Southern California during this time of the year. A young bride and her beloved groom strode contentedly through rows and rows of goods being sold at the crowded and bustling swap meet. The world seemed the most delightful place to this bride. How could it be otherwise? Nothing could “rain on her parade” in this moment.

It seemed lately that her life was filled with beautiful moments. The man of her dreams had finally arrived at her proverbial doorstep. He entered her life and promptly swept her off her feet. From the moment he walked into the room, his blue eyes pierced her and his smile made her melt into a puddle of pathetic mud. It wasn’t long before she knew that no other man could ever make her happier and she knew that he would be hers forever…long before he even knew!

From the moment of their first kiss, this groom wanted nothing more than to make his bride happy. He built things for her from his own hands to make certain that her life was filled with beauty and simplicity. He made sure that if she were ever in need of anything, that those needs would be fulfilled promptly and completely. Mostly though, it was her wants that he made sure were always tended to. The young bride knew that if she wanted some chocolate, her groom would do anything in his power to make sure she had the chocolate. This is why on this particular Saturday morning in June they sauntered through the aisles of the swap meet looking for that one special thing.

The young bride had a vision of what she was looking for. It had to be red with a basket and a bell. The bell couldn’t be any ordinary bell, it needed to be a happy bell that would remind her and everyone around her what she felt in her heart at that moment.

The couple came upon a booth filled with every bicycle imaginable and instantly the bride was in heaven. She tried a few on for size and finally found THE one. The bright fire-engine red color was the first thing that caught her eye and then the cute little white hyacinths on the side and the red and white seat captivated her and she knew there was no other bicycle in the world that would do. There wasn’t a basket or a bell, but that problem was quickly remedied by the nice little Asian guy who showed them the variety of bells and baskets to choose from. As the bride took this bike for a little spin around the swap meet, she knew it was the one for her. The groom found one to suit him and they were off with their new purchases.

The next year was filled with memories. There were long lazy days at the beach, twilight rides through the neighborhood and lazy Sunday afternoons spent on their bicycles. Miles and miles had been ridden together with her groom composing moment after moment that the young bride would cherish forever. She never wanted those moments to end, and never really thought they would.

Then something happened that would change the couple’s lives forever. There was a baby on the way. They still felt like newlyweds and still rode their bicycles every chance they could. The thought entered both their minds that they would like to include their little baby on their bicycling escapades. They began making plans to add a baby carriage to the back of the bicycles and the thought came to the groom that they would need more than just beach-cruiser bicycles, but they would need bicycles with gears that were equipped to pull a baby carriage behind. The bride immediately protested. It wasn’t just the bicycle she didn’t want to give up, it was the memories.

Time for the baby to come came closer and closer and the groom felt it was time to find a new home for the bicycles. He found some newlyweds who wanted them and could continue their legacy.

The bride wept…and wept…and WEPT. She felt like these bicycles were a symbol of couple’s newlywed status. They symbolized the time they spent together, the year and a half of just the two of them. She didn’t weep for the material things that these bicycles were, but for the love and memories that they symbolized – for times now past and for an unsure, but bright future. She truly knew the bicycles had found a good home and was grateful, but wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of the meaning they had. Somehow though, she had to let go, move on and grow from a new bride to a wife and a mother.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Gratitude

Imagine this scenario: You’re in Relief Society one day and someone passes you a clip board filled with opportunities to provide service. There's a sign-up sheet to bring dinners to sister so-and-so because she just had an emergency appendectomy. Next in the pile you find a sign-up sheet to donate Christmas gifts to a needy family. You come upon yet another sign up sheet to sew quilts for aids orphans in Africa. The list goes on and on and these "opportunities" seem endless. You faithfully sign up to make dinner, donate gifts and sew quilts because you've already felt the blessings that come from serving your fellowmen and you truly believe in the Relief Society motto "Charity Never Faileth."

What about those of us who are the recipients of your dinner, your gifts, your quilts etc? It’s as important to receive as it is to give - right? I’ve attended countless lessons on service, but don’t remember many on the topic of allowing oneself to be a recipient of service. I take that back…the topic is briefly touched upon when we receive these lessons on serving. But, do we honestly take that to heart? Why is it so difficult for us to accept generosity from others when we’re constantly looking for opportunities to give it?

I guess I’m writing this because I’ve come to that point in my life where I’ve had to rely on the kindness and generosity of others. I sometimes feel worried that I request too much from my Relief Society sisters and my ward. “I need meals on these specified days and I can’t eat barbeque sauce, green beans or cherries – Oh! And citrus totally makes me vomit. One more thing! I have gestational diabetes so please make sure you include plenty of protein and veggies and no sugary sweets please…oh and could you give me your right arm and first born child while you’re at it? Thanks….appreciate-cha!” One day REALLY soon I can just see them looking at me like “Are you kidding me?” all the while rolling their eyes as they walk away…*Sigh*

I haven’t even mentioned the sacrifices my family has made on my behalf…a sister who sends me funny gifts to keep a smile on my face, another sister who takes vacation time and buys a plane ticket to spend a few days cleaning my apartment, a wonderful mother who worries and frets over me who also has purchased a plane ticket to come visit and help me out around the house and a father always willing to chit-chat with his little girl while she's laying on her living room couch day in and day out. Not to mentioned the prayers and fasting that have come from my brothers and their families as well as all of the help and concern from my husband's side of the family. I feel so…undeserving.

Then I think of this amazing little baby growing inside of my body. I think of the cliché “It takes a village to raise a child” and I realize that the “village” has already taken part in the welfare of his little body and spirit even though he hasn’t been born yet. When I put this into perspective it doesn’t seem as difficult to accept the kindness and generosity all of you have shown and continue to show me and my family. Because of all of you, I’ve been able to make sure this little guy comes into this world safely and at just the right time.

In the Spanish Bible the phrase “Charity Never Faileth” is written “El Amor Nunca Deja de Ser.” Direct translation: “Love Never Ceases to Be.” To my wonderful friends, family and ward members: Your love will never cease to abide in my heart. Thank you for the kind service you've shown us during this amazing time in our lives.

Love, Em, Robbie and JT

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It's been creeping up on me for some time...

...and now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to have panic attacks!



Ya...I'm 31 weeks and counting. That means that in approximately 9 weeks (give or take a few here or there) I'll be pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something roughly the size of a peach. I don't know about you, but to me - that sounds HELLA...FREAKIN'...SCARY!



I'm getting to the point that I kinda wish I were an Elephant. I'm not talking about being a creature with a long nose that weighs roughly the same as 3 Chevy Suburbans (oh but I'm getting there - don't worry). I'm not even saying that I want a 260 pound baby (that's about how much they weigh at birth). I'm saying that elephants get to wait 22 months until their kiddos are born...that would give me enough time to work on stretching my you-know-what to the appropriate size.



I know - sounds CRAZY! Right? Everyone says I'll get to the point where I'll just want this little alien thing the #$&% OUT OF ME! But for now - I'm having dreams that I'm actually going to give birth to a 260 lb kid and I'm going to rip big time from my you-know-what to my you-know-where...Oi...Why didn't I get a surrogate?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted Yes!!!

To all my gay and lesbian peeps out there - I love you. I just had to put that out there before I start in on what I have to say.

I've been feeling really bad about how dirty this Proposition 8 campaign has become. Because I've been stuck on my couch for the last 3 weeks, I've had ample time to watch all of the "No on 8" commercials. Each new one that I've seen paints those of us who believe in traditional marriage as bigots who are trying to repress their brothers and sisters who have a different sexual orientation. I've honestly taken this personally because I have so many loved ones who are homosexual and I really don't want them to think that I don't believe they should have the right to be who they are and to love who they want.

Not too long ago, I threw out my opinion that homosexuals chose to be that way. After having some extremely profound discussions with some homosexual friends, I have come to feel that same sex attraction is a natural tendency for some people. Whether or not I believe they should act on that tendency is a different story. But, who am I to judge what they do with their lives? I can't judge them and I won't. If they choose to act and live as a homosexual just as I choose to act and live like a heterosexual, they have my blessing and all I desire for them is happiness and love in their lives.

After being married for over a year now, I have to say I believe in marriage between a man and a woman, in families with a mother and a father and in my right as a parent to teach these concepts to my children. I believe in freedom of religion, that if a church does not preach of or support same-sex unions, it has the right to refuse to perform such unions. I believe in my right as a parent to practice my freedom of speech and to be in control and approve of what my child learns in school.
Same-sex couples in California who are in domestic partnerships have the exact same rights as married couples.

"It affords the couple virtually all of the same substantive legal benefits and privileges, and imposes upon the couple virtually all of the same legal obligations and duties, that California law affords to and imposes upon a married couple." In re Marriage Cases, California Supreme Court, S147999, p. 2-3


I support this and I am happy that same-sex couples have the same rights and legal benefits as I do. To me, Proposition 8 is a re-definition issue. Why, then, do we need to have a debate to change the definition of a word that has meant one thing since the begining of time?

This is why I voted "YES" on Proposition 8 today. I have to say that I left the polling location (my doctor said I could go) feeling extremely content and happy with my vote. I know in my heart of hearts that it was absolutely the right thing to do. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, no matter where the marriage occurs.
If you don't agree with me, please don't judge me - because I'm not judging you. Please don't think I'm a bigot, because I love you and all of my fellow men regardless of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation or whether or not they love Neil Diamond.

Tuesday Funny


This was just so funny that I couldn't help but share it with you. I just happened on a blog that had this posted - so I copied her (I know - I have no shame or creativity for that matter). I honestly started laughing so hard that I almost went into labor.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I never respond to tags...

...but for this one I decided "What the heck!? I'm on bed rest - I have nothing better to do...Well, I guess I could be working and calling my accounts - but who wants to do that?"
This is the 4th picture in one of my picture folders. I may seem the essence of cool and class - especially to those of you who have known me for less than 4 years, but don't be fooled by the facade...deep down inside I'm as white trash as they come. I think it stems from all of the fake cowboys I was exposed to in high school. In public, I turned up my nose at them, but at night when no one was around, I would secretly cry myself to sleep wishing I could pull off wearing cowboy hats, pink wranglers that made my butt look 5 times bigger than it really was and lime green cowboy boots. Since that was out of the question, I turned to grungy flannel shirts, baggy jeans and being in love with Larry Mullen Jr. (U2's Drummer)...*sigh*
Anyhoo...back to the picture. When Robbie and I had the opportunity to go to a Monster Truck Jam, I jumped at the chance. He went straight to work making the perfect white trash T-Shirts (his said "Who Needs a woman? Marry your Monster Truck!" mine had like 20 pictures of Britney Spears and said "Mess with me, and you mess with the whole trailer park"). He made sure to grow himself a handle bar mustache and I went to my own personal make-up bag and pulled out my fake eyelashes, powder blue eyeshadow and pink frosted lipgloss...ya...I didn't even need to shop for that stuff...I told you I was white trash deep down inside.
If we had been in Utah, no one would have given us a second look, because everyone who goes to a Monster Truck Rally dresses like that every day. In California, it was a different story...I've never been stared at so much in my life! That was a great night! It's been too long since I've been to a Monster Truck Jam. As soon as this bed rest thing is over, I'm DEFINITELY going to treat myself!
I'm not going to tag anyone...but if you really want to do this tag, be my guest!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hangin' with my little J-Dawg

Disclaimer: Recently, I was put on bedrest for the final trimester of my pregnancy by a very wonderful doctor who wants nothing more than to bring our little person into this world safely and in a healthy state. This is my tribute to bedrest and a healthy baby.

For the past week and a half, I've seen the world very different ways:

1)Looking up at the popcorn ceiling of my apartment. When I was a little girl I would look up at the ceiling in our house and find different shapes of animals and people. I would imagine stories about them and would wonder what they did to get stuck in a ceiling (they must have been naughty and were placed in a ceiling rather than on good solid ground :-)). There's a spot on my ceiling that isn't very popcorny and if I look really closely I can see some of the beams that hold up the floor of the apartment above me. I don't see any shapes of animals or people and haven't been able to imagine situations. This makes me kind of sad that I've become an adult and no longer have the childish imagination of my youth. Who knows maybe it's hiding in there someplace and I've just got to find it.

2)Even though I don't have a veiw of the street, I can see the world go by as I lay here slightly elevated on my left side. Just a few minutes ago I saw a squirrel running along the highest point of the garage roof just opposite from where I'm laying. The tree outside my window is changing colors - even though I live in the land of eternal sunshine. I find myself forever grateful for that tree. It's yellow dying leaves make me smile and help me to understand that there is a cycle to every life, that changes happen and that there is always a spring around the corner where our lives will be beautiful, green and new - though never the same.

3) There is kindness in others that I never could have imagined. I'm so lucky to belong to a church where service and unconditional love is one of the most important foundations. It can be pretty lonely laying here day after day with no one to talk to - especially for this little social butterfly whose happiness completely depends on her ability to chat and talk and build relationships. I have an amazing visiting teacher who has stepped up to the plate and has arranged for women in the ward to visit and chat with me and to bring me dinner. I have had the most wonderful experience getting to know women who I haven't had the chance to say more than two words to. I've been able to chat with friends and get to know them so much better than I would have had I been able to continue on with my daily routine of hitting the pavement every day to sell, sell, sell. To my dear Cheyenne - you are truly an Angel sent to me from Heaven and have made this experience more delightful than I could ever imagine.

4) My husband really is the best thing that could have happened in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without his funny jokes to keep my spirits up or his uncanny ability to calm my nerves when I'm about to succomb to the "CRAZY PREGNANT LADY" waiting to break out and cause utter mayhem. He tells me all the time that he loves me and that he loves to serve me. He is willing to sacrifice so many things to spend time with his "best girl." He is willing to clean the bathroom, do the dishes, the laundry and all the cleaning just so his little "clean freak" doesn't break down into one of her episodes (Who me? NEVER!). His blue eyes, his red dot and his amazing smile never cease to make the butterflies in my stomach flitter every time I see him. I hope you all have your own personal Robbies (or the prospect of one), they make life liveable.

5) I'm begining to understand what it really means to sacrifice and to love this little guy growing inside of me. I would do anything for my little Dawg. I wake up in the middle of the night to feel his gentle kicking and I take comfort that he's growing big and strong. I'm so grateful for the miracle of life - because my little J-Dawg is my miracle. I can already sense his personality and that he's going to be a vivacious, wonderful, amazing person. I feel such gratitude that I can be a part of his life.

I've decided that bed rest isn't a total tragedy, though it is difficult for me to be laying down for twenty-four hours a day. I'm taking this time to see the beauty in it, because honestly it is beautiful to be a mother and to do all you can to help your children safely enter this world. I think of all the things that he is going to have to go through just by growing up in Southern California and ask myself "Is it worth it?" My answer Yes it is! - he has every right to come to earth and to gain a body and to go through all of the trials and messes that this life throws at us. What a wonderful time to be alive and to help bring a life into the world!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Thank you whoever you are...

Can I tell you how much I love my husband? He tells me all the time how pretty I am, even though I feel like an enormous BEACH BALL. Actually, most days I feel more like a BEACHED WHALE. My sweet, wonderful husband will go so far as to point out other pregnant women and tell me how much better than them I look. What a guy! He's really begining to understand what makes women feel good! He really is sweet and I thank him for making me feel like I'm the most loved woman in the world.

Some days, however, it's hard for me to really feel pretty. I have a friend, who I just love, but whenever I tell her I feel like a beach ball, she agrees with me and then points out how big my ankles look. I know it's my fault for even mentioning it, but...are you kidding me? You don't say stuff like that to an emotionally b#%chy pregnant woman! Show a little compassion! For the most part though, people are usually pretty nice and tell me how good I look. These are usually people I know and deep down in my soul I feel like they're just saying those things to make sure I don't fall apart and start crying. In other words, I don't really believe them.

Well, today I was in the grocery store and went through the self check-out. Hello! Big mistake. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I should've let a trained professional scan my groceries, but I thought I'd save time. HA! Like that ever happens. I need to learn my lesson. Anyhoo...I was having a *&#$ of a time getting the computer to stop telling me I had to wait for the attendant or coming anywhere close to finding the code for garlic. **Note to self: don't use the self check-out if some of your groceries don't have bar codes** The "attendant" had to come and bail me out like 12 times.

When I thought I was about to lose everything from my cool to my maternity bra, the attendant asks me "So, how far along are you?" Oh no - my eyes begin to roll and I brace myself for what's coming! I sigh and tell her I'm about 6 months. I was expecting to hear what I usually hear..."Oh my goodness, I can't believe how big you are!" or "Wow! Now that's a big baby!"...in other words..."Holy crap you remind me of a beached whale!" But for once, in the 20 years I've been pregnant, I hear something like this..."Oh - that's so exciting! Is this your first? You are going to love being a mother. You look absolutely gorgeous!" She then went on to tell me how much fun boys were and that her first child was a boy and she wouldn't have it any other way, but before I walked away she made sure to tell me one more time how beautiful I was.

Stunned, I gathered up myself and my cart and headed toward the door. Slowly, a little smile crept on to my face. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. I actually believed a complete stranger when she told me that I was a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman. This was truly a break-through.

I've tried to have a better attitude about being pregnant, and for the most part...I have. I just haven't quite come to terms with my ever changing and expanding body. But thanks to the lady at Ralph's, I'm begining to really believe that big is beautiful.

Thank you Ralph's lady...you have no idea how much I needed you today.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

And the weiner is...

It looks like I have a bunch of crazies who read this blog. I've submitted my Whale of a Story for review to the editors of the blog book. Wish me luck! Hopefully they want stories of whale dorks (aka whale pee pee's) in their nice "family" publication. Thanks to all 12 of you who voted! I'm glad I have readers - even though your numbers are sparse. Maybe I'd have more readers if I posted more often...hmmm...Now there's a bright idea to think about!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Am I Funny?

No...seriously...am I?


I've been pondering this question for days now. I personally think I'm hilarious, but that doesn't mean y'all do. Take this post for instance...you know the one where I announced that I got a little su'm su'm cookin' in my oven...as I wrote the post and as Robbie helped me with his incredibly super-fantastic-FREAKING-AWESOME photo-shop skills, we laughed so hard that I think I seriously burst my colon - I swear, my digestion hasn't been the same since. I mean, it was HILARIOUS guys...to us. We had images of people reading this post in our heads...we beamed as we imagined people laughing so hard they were falling off their computer chairs, we applauded ourselves when we imagined people getting stomach aches from how funny we thought we were.

Then the comments** started rolling in..."Congrats - you guys will be great parents!" or "Oh - morning sickness sucks I hope you feel better...yawn" or "Yay for you guys!...sigh I think I’m going to go read War and Peace." I actually had an anonymous sister ask another anonymous sister if Robbie really thought he was an amazing photo-shopper!!! HELLO! She actually was worried he was going to try to get into the Photo-Shop biznass or something. My own flesh and blood doesn't even get me!!!

**These "comments" have been changed to protect the innocent...and for comedic effect...not that it matters.

I think we had two comments regarding our hilarity. I guess I shouldn't expect the outcome to be as funny to all of you as it really is in my head. Oh if you only knew the goings on in my head…it would shock you! I guess my dreams of stand up are ruined.

So I have a preposition for you (p.s. preposition is my funny little way of saying proposition) I need my ego to be stroked. There’s this little publication I’d like to be a part of. It’s an opportunity to be a published in a blog-book that benefits the Nie Nie Recovery. I became interested in Nie Nie's story on another blog I check often. The blog book is going to consist of several funny blog posts (all being submitted by fellow bloggers) ranging from chuckle-funny to holy-cow-I-just-peed-my-pants-funny.

What I'm asking of you, my blogging lovelies, is to vote on a past post that's worthy of entering this most noble and worthy cause. I know there are a few of you stalkers out there who are a little bashful at commenting about ANYTHING on any blog out there, so I'm going to make it easy. You see the section over there to your left that says "Pick My Funniest Post"? Just click on a little button to the side of the post you think is the funniest and viola, you've contributed without so much as a click of your mouse. Contest submissions need to be in by September 30th so I'm closing the polls at exactly 9pm September 28th. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!!! I haven't been able to contribute to Nie Nie yet and I really want to...what better way than to use my SKILLS!?

Here is a list of posts to choose from:

Traffic School

Is it Really About Being Healthy?

A Whale of a Story

Guys Pay Attention to Me!

That's Right Folks...

If you want to participate in the contest go HERE...if you'd like to contribute to the Nie Nie Fund go HERE...Oh and if you want to find out what happened to Nie Nie check out her blog and her sister's blog.

I can't wait to see what you choose! I love you all...even though you don't think I'm THAT funny!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

9-25-08



I'm so excited I could pee...and in my current state, it's not a difficult thing to do.



It actually happens all the time...sigh...

Oh - and I forgot to post my favorite quote from the deleted scenes from season four:

Dwight: I notice you're wearing open-toed shoes. Since when did you become a whore?
Angela: There are a lot of things you don't know about me.

I swear some of the deleted scenes from season four were funnier than the episodes themselves. Who votes for directors cuts on the DVDs so we can see them uncut from beginning to end? I DO!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

It's almost over...SNIFF!!!

The above photo is my sister Melissa's 2nd to the last pic on her 365 Photo Blog. For the last year she has taken a picture a day. Lucky for us, this year had 366 days in it because of its leap year status!

At times this project has been a trying feat...just last week I thought she was going to go bald because of the copious amounts of hair she was pulling out due to her frustrations in finding the right photo. I love that she wasn't afraid to express her frustrations on her blog. I've done that and you my fellow bloggers responded with words of encouragement and made me feel much better...I love this little community that we've created and hope that our bonds can continue to strengthen.

If you haven't seen her blog yet please do so now. I promise you won't regret it. When you have a few minutes to peruse through some of her archives, you'll definitely see the growth she's had over the last year.

Melissa, you're an amazing photographer and an even better sister. I'm so proud of you and can't wait to see what else you have in store for your blogging family! I love you!

Friday, September 5, 2008

That's right folks...

So I get this comment on a previous post from a friend of mine that I'd lost contact with. She didn't know I had a blog or that I was pregnant - in fact, I hadn't talked to her since my wedding over a year ago. She mentioned that she wanted to know what I was up to, so she "Googled" me. Interesting word "Googled." It can have so many meanings - actually, no, it only has one meaning, but I think it's funny that it's been incorporated into American Terminology. It's like free marketing for the worlds biggest search engine...like they need more exposure.

I always figured that if I could be "Googled" I'd have to be Angelina Jolie or Katie Holmes or at least have regular appearances on OMG or TMZ or something. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would show up on a Google search.

During my single years I Googled my maiden name and never really found anything. I was happy about that. Confident in my remaining semi anonymous in the world. Even when I started this blog, I didn't want to use my name because - Who wants their personal info to be plastered all over the web? OK - maybe some of us do, BUT I DIDN'T!!!

You could imagine my gut reaction when I read my friend's comment. No - I didn't just sit there saying - "Cool, I must be super popular since my friends can find me just by typing my name into a search engine." - NO! C'mon folks! There are crazies out there! You don't want them tracking you down and stalking you when you go to the mall or the post office or to the bathroom! I immediately Googled myself...using my married name this time. I didn't just find nice little me listed on a post of someone's blog (OK I found one link that had me on a post of someone's blog) -

NO! It looks like....well...um..........................................................

I'M A PORN STAR!


YIKES!

OK - so I'm not a porn star, but some chick with my name is and It's really FREAKING ME OUT!!! ME! Who has always been so wholesome and naive. Yes, believe it or not, I'm SUPER naive. Even after I've been married for over a year Robbie has to still explain things regarding the "Birds and the Bees" to me. Things I never picked up while being reared and raised in the Utah Bubble.


That's it...Google is dead to me now...I think I'm going to go eat myself out of a depression...


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Ummm...


Ever notice how YouTube has absolutely everything on it? I mean, I totally love it and could spend hours watching things like pug dogs making funny sounds or my favorite comedian at a night club or the leader of Georgia - the country not the state - go absolutely bananas because Russia is bombing his country and he can't control the South Ossetians.

Robbie and I were casually watching a news excerpt regarding the conflict between Russia and Georgia and all of a sudden the camera goes to the president (mind you, he's the president of an entire country - not the high school glee club) talking on the phone while slowly losing his will to maintain a calm and collected look and completely succumbing to his desire to chew on his clothing. We had to watch it over and over - because I couldn't believe a grown man would actually resort to this - I don't care how stressed out he is. Apparently this conflict is making him revert back to his childhood where sucking on his clothing was a nasty habit he just couldn't shake like wetting the bed or picking your nose - his parents are probably rolling over in their graves or rolling their eyes while watching the evening news.

Who knows maybe the poor guy still sucks his thumb when he's sitting in his bed at night thinking about how he's going to make it through his meeting with Hu Jintao (China's Communist Leader) the next morning. I really feel for him...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

And the Flavor is...

So, I bet you're all just waiting to know what flavor of bun that's going to be poppin' out of my oven in about 5...well you're just going to have to wait a little bit longer.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................................................... ................................................ ...................................................................................................................................................... .................................................................... ............................................................................................................................ "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me they long to be, close to you!"......................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................................................................... ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ .......................................................................................................................................................................

All right, all right, all right - I'll quit stalling, but here are a few cute pics first:

This is my little homey sayin' "WAZZZZZUP?"



Whew! My baby has 5 toes...wait! What happened to it's other leg?



We were told our baby would have its Daddy's Lips...OOOOH! So kissable!


And now for the Reese's Pieces...


Lips ain't the only thing this kid is inheriting from his papa!

It's a BOY!!!!

We're so excited to welcome our little J-Dawg into the family! I might go crazy with all the testosterone floating around here, but we're thrilled to have this new little spirit come into our lives. We already feel like a family!

Love,
Em-Cat, Rob-G-Thang and J-Dawg

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Update and Some Photos...sorry no belly shots yet!

As said in a previous post, July wasn't the best month of my life. I'm usually an extremely optimistic person, but for some reason pregnancy has made me a ball of negativism. Well folks, NO MORE! I've decided that I'm going to enjoy my pregnancy (whether I like it or not). No more complaining that I don't feel better, no more days spent whining that my intestines are going to shoot out of my mouth at any moment, no more crying and sobbing every time I have an exceptionally horrible vomit party in the bathroom (you know...wishing all of this would just go away).

News flash to me..."Honey, you're almost 5 months preggers and you're puking like you're only 2. Get over it and stop being a heaving ball of negativism that you'll eventually end up passing along to your unborn child if you're not careful." The truth is, I may just be sick for the entire 9 months, I might as well suck it up...right?

I've wanted to be a mom since the minute I held my first little Cabbage Patch Doll in my arms and felt so much love and concern for the little ball of plastic, yarn and stuffing. (I also remember Robin Campbell telling me little "Mary Lou" would run away if I kept dragging it around by its piggy tails) Really my dreams are coming true. I do, however, think it's funny how God blesses us with exactly what we've always wanted, but somehow we don't realize the cost of getting it. I think I'm going to love this baby so much more than if I hadn't had a rough go of pregnancy, just because of all we've been through together...the three of us: Me, Baby-G, and Robbie.

So - here you go...What you've all been waiting for: A few pictures detailing my
journey over the last couple of months...drum roll please!


This was the first picture Robbie could snap at me during our trip to the Emergency Room


Here's Picture #2...He told me he wouldn't stop taking pictures until I smiled...Who wants to smile when their kidney feels like someone's repeatedly stabbing it?


And here you have it folks...a smiling Em-Cat in the ER...it was the only way to stop him from snapping the photos.

I'm not sure why I'm putting these horrible shots of me onto the internet, but here you go...I told you I was puffy all over!

And here's one of the first photos of our little tyke...

Don't ever say I didn't give you a full body shot...




It looks like we've got ourselves a little thumb sucker...All my bad habits are going to come back to haunt me...I just know it! ;-)

So there you go...photos and updates. A belly-shot coming soon. Also - FYI - The G-Family Blog coming soon. It's going to be one of those blogs you're going to have to be invited to and have a blogger password for. Even though child predators won't know where I live if I have a blog that isn't password protected, just the mere thought of them being able to see my baby doesn't make me happy...so if you really, really, really want to see more photos, you're going to have to get a blogger password and be super cool cause I'm going to have to invite you to visit my super secret blog. Otherwise, enjoy my sucky writing and vague information.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Bleeding Love...

Sorry...the YouTube video I embedded below isn't available any longer, but it was a great dance!



I promise this isn't going to become a "YouTube" Blog...but don't you just LOVE this dance? I really dig the song as well. I think the reason why I love it so much is because of the story it tells. Both dancers tell the tail of the lyrics to their audience, but seem to be in their own little world at the same time - really feeling every move they make...Sigh...oh to be a dancer! Can you tell I've been addicted to "So You Think You Can Dance" this season?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

One &*$%*@ of a Month!

Many of you are chomping at the bit to see more of my pregnant belly. I can't say I'm too excited to show it off. The thing is HUGE! Okay - not so much HUGE as it is ENORMOUS! I can't say I'm happy about the fact. Most girls really start poking out at around 6 months. Well, I look like I'm carrying triplets especially since I'm just over 4 months along and my belly is the size of Rhode Island...literally.

Over the past month I've had comments like:
  • "I can't believe your ankles are so swollen already!"
  • "You'd better take that wedding ring off before you have to cut it off!" - Too Late! Robbie and I had to cut it off last night.
  • "Let me guess, you're about 7 months along." When I told him I was 3 and 1/2 months he replied..."Whoa! That baby's going to be huge!"
  • "You look just like someone I know and when you walked into the store I thought 'Maybe she just gained some weight or something.'"
  • "I don't know how to lose weight...I always had a problem with it...when I was young I looked as big as you."
I can't say that I took any of these comments well. Actually, I'm such a ball of emotions that after pretty much all of them I came home and cried. Some days I don't know how Robbie can handle being around me.

Here's the reality: I LOVE my baby and am truly excited to be a mother, HOWEVER, I can't say that I LOVE being pregnant. In fact - being pregnant really SUCKS! When most women either don't have morning sickness or they get over it by the end of their 1st trimester, I happen to be well into my 17th week and still HORK (aka BARF) AT LEAST every 2 days or so. I figure I'm going to be one of those women who will be barfing until the day they deliver. Everything on my body is puffy...I'm just waiting for the gums in my mouth to begin retaining water. Energy went down the toilet at about week 4 for me and it seems like I'm always going to feel like I'm going through menopause - hot flashes are a daily occurrence.

Top all of that off with a horrible kidney infection/kidney stones at the beginning of July, a visit to the emergency room and a 4 day hospital stay...and you get someone who really has no desire to post pictures of herself and even update her blog in over a month.

I hate to be such a downer and I'm so sorry you, my blogging friends, had to read a complaining post, but I thought I'd better explain myself a little. Please know that many photos and updates are coming. I plan to document my hospital stay, kidney problems and all that has happened over the last month as soon as I feel the energy to do so. Just remember though, this blog is meant to be a WRITING blog - not a HERESWHATSHAPPENINGINMYLIFE blog - so expect essays...not a ton of photos. Eventually - when the baby is born - we'll have a Family Blog and you'll be able to see photos to your hearts content. Until then, you have to withstand my sucky writing!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

For all of you who are TOTALLY sick of the Campaign...Have a good Laugh!!

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!


I tried to put my head in there at the end, but it looks like I'm more of a computer idiot than I previously thought! It's still hilarious right?

Friday, June 27, 2008

An UN-characteristic Post...

Sorry for the booby shot (yeah - I know - they're getting huge), but even though I'm only 10 weeks, I'm poking out a bit. I want to document my growing belly. No one was around to take the picture, so I had to do it myself. :-)

It's true...I'm doing something that is extremely uncharacteristic of me...I'm actually posting something within a couple days of the last post rather than a couple of weeks or months, which is my current track record. I just feel so excited and blessed that I want to share with you - my beloved bloggies - the things that have occurred within the last few days.

To preface, I must say that when I first entered the blogosphere, I was apprehensive. I wasn't sure it was something I could keep up with and I didn't want to share too much information on a public site. In creating my writing blog, I wanted to have an outlet where friends and strangers alike could have the opportunity to read and critique my writing - without divulging too much personal info. I've tried to keep things somewhat untraceable and know I've failed at that a few times. It's been a great few months and I've loved documenting some of my craziest and most memorable stories.

That being said, I feel like I want to document this 40 week journey that began a short 10 weeks ago. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought this thing would last forever, but the first quarter of it has gone by pretty fast and I can't believe I only have 30 weeks left! I'm sure all of you mommies out there are rolling your eyes and saying..."Oh honey, just wait. You have no idea what's about to hit you!" I'm sure I don't, but for posterity's sake and for my sake, I need to describe to you the emotions that have been surging through my brain lately.

From the moment I married the man of my dreams, I was excited to start a family with him. I had spent my entire dating career not being able to envision an eternity with any of the men I dated. I got to the point that I was a hopelessly lost cause, or so I thought. I was 30, Mormon and single...it's not a very impressive cocktail within the the LDS Church. It had become an almost daily battle hearing things like, "...but your so pretty, why can't you find someone to marry?" I knew it was really bad when my non-Mormon friends and colleagues started saying this to me.

When my Robbie came into my life, I had given up on ever finding the right man for me. You can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was that this amazing, warm, kind, gentle, loving person (I could go on and on), was actually as interested in me as I was in him. I won't bore you with the details, but our courtship was a dream to me. It wasn't without bumps and detours in the road, but I think that's what I loved about it. I was going through changes and learning so many new things with someone I loved and cared for so much. I love you Robbie and don't know what I would ever do without you.

He's obviously put with a LOT over the past year. My crazy personality can get a bit (did I just say a bit - I mean SUPER) overwhelming for someone as easy-going as he is. He's been a trooper though, and has kept me focused on the more important things in life...like having a baby.

I wanted to get going on a family right away, but if I am the Kite, Robbie would definitely be my Anchor. He kept us focused and made sure we made well thought out decisions. Once it was time to start our family, we both knew....and once I was pregnant...we REALLY both knew!

I was, to say the least, a complete bundle of crabbiness and once again, my beloved husband handled it with ease and grace and patience. And then the morning sickness REALLY began and the crabbiness and emotional instability became outright whining. Robbie was not only a husband, he had to become a wife too and take over every household responsibility that had been previously shared.

I felt, and still feel, so sick and cranky that I honestly wasn't excited to have a baby and to be a mother. Robbie continued to remind me that I shouldn't complain because I was the one so impatient to begin a family. I tried to put on a good face when people would get so excited for me as I gave them the news, but I felt so completely ill, that I couldn't find the strength to be excited for what was ahead. I was dissappointed in myself. I knew I needed to be jumping for joy, but I felt like if I jumped too high, I'd lose my lunch.

Today that all changed. I went in for an appointment to check the results of my blood tests and urinalysis...I had a shining bill of health for those of you who care. All of a sudden, the doctor whipped out a little ultrasound machine that, instead of a visual monitor, had a little speaker. I didn't even know those things existed and I certainly didn't know he was going to do something like this. If I would've known, I would've insisted on Robbie being there - but alas he wasn't.

The doctor poured the jelly on my tummy and started to feel around. We were chatting about this and that and then he stopped and said "Well hello there mommy." At first all I heard was static that sounded a little like a primary kid making funny noises into a microphone and then it was this little thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It was the sound of life, the sound of rushing blood through my baby's little veins and suddenly every joyous emotion and every ounce of love I could muster up came rushing into my being. I finally came to the realization that I have a little person inside of me...I'm a mommy!

If you told me two and a half years ago that this would be happening to me, I would've laughed in your face. Isn't it strange how life happens? One minute you're just walking down the street minding your own business, the next minute you're living every dream you've ever had since you were a little girl.

Though this journey isn't going to be without its struggles, I know it's going to be a happy one. Not just my 40-week-journey, but the rest-of-my-life-journey as well. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband and that God has entrusted us to take care of one of His blessed little spirits. I'll continue to write down the details of this journey, as long as you're willing to continue to read them.

Good night my blogging friends!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Um...Honey - I think he has your...eyes?


I don't understand how this could happen! We have a mail-WOMAN and she's Asian!!!

So...yeah...the word on the street is that I got a little something cooking in my oven. I would have to say that every once in a while - rumors do come true. YES! I'M PREGNANT!!! I'm due at the end of January. I must say that if the baby's late and I have it in February, my family won't claim it. We have too many February birthdays - and I don't think we have room for one more! But I do have to clarify, my husband REALLY is the father...I don't know what I'd do if our baby came out black. That would be a medical miracle!!! He could run for President some day and REALLY make some "CHANGES." - That one was for you Melissa!

My excuse for not updating my blog with REAL writing in like FOREVER is due to the fact that I feel like I have the flu every day and all I'm good for is sitting on my couch whining that I feel like my intestines are going to come rushing out of my mouth at any moment. Robbie's a trooper though and tries to make my life as easy as possible. We're seriously excited AND scared to be parents. It's going to be a crazy ride!


P.S. Robbie does freelance photoshop if you're interested. His prices are pretty high though...it's tough work to make photos look like they've been cut and pasted by a 5 year old. He's got a pretty impressive resume...he does all those Osama Bin Laden videos.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Do We Really Want This Man to be President?!?!?!?!?



But then again...George Bush can't really count either and he served two terms (almost). Ugh! Where is this country going?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Expelled



If you love agency, freedom and light - you NEED to see this movie. We saw it tonight. Anyone who believes in a higher power who created light and life would do well to see what "conventional scientists" think of us. It's shocking to know that Atheist/Darwinist/Scientists believe that those of us who know that a loving Father created us and life as we know it, think we are "unintelligent" and "ignorant" due to our belief in a creator.

I'm always amazed that ideas that have been around since the the 19th century seem to trump something that has been around since the dawn of time. For instance, natural remedies have been around centuries, but our society calls drugs that were discovered in the late 1800's/early 1900's "Conventional Remedies." Darwin published his THEORY during the 19th century. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists etc. have believed in a higher intelligence (AKA a Creator) for thousands of years, and Darwin's Theory is supposed to trump Intelligent Design? Insanity!!!!

The movie "Expelled" makes me want to be a greater example of God's plan and a fierce defendant of freedom, truth and light.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

She Really Doesn't Have Cancer...



The woman in this video is Cari...My cousin. She doesn't have cancer, but has a disorder called Alopecia Ariata which is "highly unpredictable, autoimmune skin disease resulting in the loss of hair on the scalp and elsewhere on the body." It's not life threatening, she just doesn't have hair. I'm super jealous, because she doesn't have to shave her legs every day like I do...sigh. The funny/sad thing about this commercial, however, is the fact that she received sympathy cards and phone calls from people in her community thinking she had a brain tumor. The good news is that I'm famous by association! (oh...and that she doesn't really have cancer)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Video Killed the Radio Star...

Time is running out...I know this has been a difficult challenge, but I'm about ready to close the mixed tape chapter of my blog and move on. If you'd like to submit your favorite song to the "Meaningful Mixed Tape" mix, please do so ASAP. I would love to hear from you, so please comment as soon as you can. If you have a hard time narrowing it down, just pick something you're currently listening to - I would totally dig anything you have to give me.

To those of you who've already submitted songs! I love them. This is going to be fun!!

Love,
Em-Cat

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Meaningful Mixed Tape


I have a preposition for all of you...about, above, beyond, for, from, in...actually that was a bunch of prepositions. What I mean to say is - I have a proposition for you. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEE mixed tapes (aka mixed CD's, iPod Playlists etc.). I like using the phrase "Mixed Tape" because I'm a product of the 80's - don't judge. If you were one of the recipients of my "Making Out I" or "Making Out II" CD's, you know I have a knack for putting good music together. I even did a compilation CD in place of a Christmas card last year.

OK - so here's my proposition. I want everyone who reads this blog to tell me what your all time favorite rock, jazz, indie or pop song is - and we'll have the BEST mixed tape of all time. Don't be shy...if you've never commented on this blog before, it's not rocket science and it's easy to figure out. (Daddy - your taste in music is so fantastic that if I don't get a great Jazz piece I'm going to lose faith in all humanity.) I'm going to exclude classical since we're going for a different type of genre.

Once I have plenty of comments, I start mixing. Give me the name of the artist, the song title and the album. If you want a copy of the CD, e-mail me your address at emcatg@gmail.com. If you feel left out and want a copy of Making out I and II, let me know and I'll send those as well. I'm so excited! Get those juices flowing and start thinking of your all time favorite song!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

GUYS! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever had one of those experiences where something so embarrassing happened that you wish you and everyone involved would forget it? The following is one of those experiences...THANK HEAVENS it didn't happen to me or I'd never lived it down (I'm still trying to forget the Salty Sea experience...hmmm...I guess I shouldn't have put that one into the blogosphere...What can I say? Sometimes I ain't the brightest star in the sky). I was actually one of the people who witnessed the following incident. Those of you who know me, know I LOVE to embellish things - you know for shock value - and the funny thing is, there is absolutely no embellishment in the following story. That's what makes it so incredibly HILARIOUS!

I have a dear friend named...Wait! I'm going to have to change her name to protect her innocence...hmmm...Let's just say her name starts with an "N" and ends with a "atalie." (What can I say? I have the personality of a 5th grader, too bad I don't have the intelligence of a 5th grader...If I had, I might have done better on the G-Mat, or at least had a higher nerd score - I'd better shut up before everyone online knows how dumb I really am)

I've been friends with Natalie since junior high school . I always thought she was the most natural, down to earth and fun-loving friend I had. She still is...She's always known when to be serious, but she definitely had this innocently funny personality when it was time to be silly. You'll know why I use the word "innocent" as you continue to read...

One night, some of my buddies and I decided to hang out at our friend Rachel's house. The bulk of us (by "bulk" I mean all of us but Natalie) became engrossed in a fascinating conversation - the content of which completely slips my mind at the moment (Crap! I think I'm getting early onset Alzheimer's).

After sitting there listening to us droll on about whatever it was we were talking about, Natalie piped up and said she wanted to watch a movie. We were too absorbed in our conversation to pay her any mind. I don't think any of us even noticed her leaving the room.

After a few minutes she reappeared at the foot of the living room stair case and announced that she had picked out a movie and everything was ready for us to join her downstairs. We all gave her this look like "uh...whatever" and continued on with our fascinating conversation about (in your best valley-girl voice) how cool drama is and how we're totally all going to major in musical theatre and like Larry Mullen Jr. is like totally hot and how cool Shayne and Sean are for inventing "red-mountain-ruby-dew-biting-cocktails"and how much Sterling Keyes reminded us of a younger version of "Mr. Holland's Opus" etc, etc, etc...She couldn't seem to get our attention, so she gave up for a few minutes and went back downstairs.

5 minutes passed and she reappeared, to once again to begin her futile attempts to try and persuade us to come downstairs to watch a movie!!!! This happened another 2 or 3 times. Finally, she just stood on the staircase glaring at us through the railing.

She must have been super bored, because after a few minutes of begging us to pay attention to her, she became silent. I think it was the silence that actually caught our attention. Simultaneously, the group of us turned our heads toward her and finally gave her the notice she'd been pleading for...It didn't really hit us until her sheepish little voice said "Uh, guys!?!?!? I think I'm stuck!"

Did she say "Stuck"? Why yes she did. "What could she possibly be stuck in?" you ask? Do you remember when you were like, I don't know, 3 years old, and your mom was constantly telling you not to stick your head between the poles in the railing? Right around 4 years old and after traumatically getting your head jammed between the railing poles like 12 times you finally figured out that it wasn't a great idea to put your head there. Somehow that concept never quite made it to the area of Natalie's brain where the "common sense" is stored. You guessed it...this 17 year old "almost" adult had gotten her head wedged between two poles and was furiously and fruitlessly trying to pull it out.

Everyone in the room burst out laughing so hard that our intestines felt like they were about to poke through our jeans.

Rachel had this high-strung cocker spaniel who got nervous any time someone looked at it funny. You can only imagine how this dog reacted with all the chaos. He simply didn't have any other option than to plop a dooby right smack dab in front of Natalie's wedged head. Naturally this turned our mere laughter into hollers of sheer joy and delight in seeing our poor friend in this situation. I swear I laughed all the cellulite off of my rear end.

The poor girl had to sit there inhaling the fumes of the doggy turd while we had our laugh out...Of course times like these required documentation. What kind of writer would I be without illustrations?Natalie With Head in Rail



Don't We Look Like the Cast of "Rent"?
(Top Row: Nicole and Danny Middle Row: Em-Cat, Natalie and Kelly, Bottom Row: Rachel)

After taking pictures and laughing some more, we finally Crisco'd her temples and slipped her right out. Natalie was such a good sport and still is about it to this day. I think she has to be...it's just something she's going to have to live with for the rest of her life.

Thanks Nat for giving me permission to tell your embarrassing story to my peeps online. I owe you one!