Does anyone know what a "Health Nut" is? Have you ever seen one? What is the definition of a "Health Nut"? I've checked Dictionary.com and even the Urban Dictionary and neither seem the be the wiser. I'm on a quest to define this term.
The Proverbial Health Food Shopper
If you haven't already guessed, I live my life bouncing around from health food store to health food store. It's amazing how people think you're more informed than their doctor...wait...I am more informed than their doctor...anyhoo...People are always coming up to me asking questions and when they find out that I'm a rep - well - let's just say I become "Super Doctor Emily" - knower of all knowledge and ailments. People are always asking me questions about what they should take for this, and what they can do about that...
Most often it's someone who is looking for something to help with their bowel movements...I'm not sure if I really want to go into details here, but it's amazing how open people are about what occurs after they stand up, wipe and look into the the cold porcelain abyss (aka the toilet). I'm not even phased now when someone begins a sentence with..."I know this sounds gross, but..."
I've become hardened...how did this happen? It all started with the following story.
Long before I became a rep, I worked customer service at a company that should remain nameless...not because I'm worried about confidentiality...I just don't think they deserve to be named. One day, I unwittingly answered a call and the conversation went something like this:
"Nameless Corporation That Doesn't Deserved to be Named, this is Emily how may I help you?"
"...uuuuuuhhhhhh...I thought a guy would answer..."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, I wanted to comment on one of your products but I'm a little embarrassed to tell this to a girl. Is there a guy there I can talk to?"
"Hmmm...let's see. There's one guy who works in this department, but he just stepped out. Is there something you'd like to tell me? I promise I won't laugh and I'll write down your comment so our executives can take a look at it. They always want to know feedback from our consumers."
"Okay, if you're sure you won't laugh..."
"I promise sir"
"Well, I've been taking your ViraMax (this is an herbal product, similar to Viagra - P.S. Don't you hate their commercial...like guys really sit around singing about how they can't get it up) and I tell you - it works SO WELL!!"
"That's great sir."
"I mean, it's not like I have a problem in that area or anything."
"Of course not..."
"But, after I took your product, my Little General stood right at attention!"
"Your 'little general'?"
"That's right...I was so proud of him I almost shed a tear."
"...You shed a tear...okay...is that general with a capital 'G'?"
Yikes!
(More "Health Nut" stories to come...to be continued...)
Most often it's someone who is looking for something to help with their bowel movements...I'm not sure if I really want to go into details here, but it's amazing how open people are about what occurs after they stand up, wipe and look into the the cold porcelain abyss (aka the toilet). I'm not even phased now when someone begins a sentence with..."I know this sounds gross, but..."
I've become hardened...how did this happen? It all started with the following story.
Long before I became a rep, I worked customer service at a company that should remain nameless...not because I'm worried about confidentiality...I just don't think they deserve to be named. One day, I unwittingly answered a call and the conversation went something like this:
"Nameless Corporation That Doesn't Deserved to be Named, this is Emily how may I help you?"
"...uuuuuuhhhhhh...I thought a guy would answer..."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, I wanted to comment on one of your products but I'm a little embarrassed to tell this to a girl. Is there a guy there I can talk to?"
"Hmmm...let's see. There's one guy who works in this department, but he just stepped out. Is there something you'd like to tell me? I promise I won't laugh and I'll write down your comment so our executives can take a look at it. They always want to know feedback from our consumers."
"Okay, if you're sure you won't laugh..."
"I promise sir"
"Well, I've been taking your ViraMax (this is an herbal product, similar to Viagra - P.S. Don't you hate their commercial...like guys really sit around singing about how they can't get it up) and I tell you - it works SO WELL!!"
"That's great sir."
"I mean, it's not like I have a problem in that area or anything."
"Of course not..."
"But, after I took your product, my Little General stood right at attention!"
"Your 'little general'?"
"That's right...I was so proud of him I almost shed a tear."
"...You shed a tear...okay...is that general with a capital 'G'?"
Yikes!
(More "Health Nut" stories to come...to be continued...)
14 comments:
Oh my Gosh! Can I ever relate to this one! Being Married to someone who also works in "The Health Nut field." And being an herbalife distributor myself. Our phone rings everyday with questions ranging from bad breath to BMs. You made my day! Hee, Hee, Hee!
Rachie
I'm pretty sure it didn't start with the incident at the nameless corporation. I seem to recall a time before you worked for said corporation when you came running out of the bathroom (while we were at the dinner table I might add) calling for every body to come look. And I quote "It's bright green!!!"
Very funny story though...you really should be a writer when you grow up. ;-)
That never happened...I don't remember ever saying that...though it does sound like me. :-)
If it's green you might want to lay off the grape kool-aid. That's the reason we have shamrock junk at the Cook house, anyway. It's true. Ask my sister.
I don't think I'm hardened, but stuff like that doesn't offend me either. I'm just too 12 year old boy for that I guess. When I hear that a new building has been erected, I still have to muffle a giggle or two...
I love the health nut cartoon. Too funny. What a hoot! I'm thinking the call was more embarrasing for you than the satisfied customer.
Amen to that sister...You're talking to a girl who had to learn the birds and the bees from her human biology teacher. I didn't know what a "little general" was until I was at least 17. It's true - you can ask bee...
Yes, it's true. But once she knew, it was OFTEN the subject at dinner...especially if there were guests (and future sisters-in-law).
Bee...I misspelled bowel...Sarah pointed it out to me. So look - I'm human too! Is there such a thing as "bowl movements?" Maybe it's the type of diarrhea you get when you bowl too much!
Yea, I've had that! It's a killer. Lasts several frames. Heh. Holy crud I am way too tired for this tonight. Want some kids?
Totally! I don't know though - they may not like living this close to Disneyland...
Silly silly girl! How did you know I need to do a second list? You will be on it! Just say something about me being brilliant or hilarious, and you're there! :)
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HA HA! I didn't read your comments yesterday when I tagged you so I didn't notice that Melissa tagged you the comment right before mine... Duh. I guess you know you're lurved. :)
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