An UN-characteristic Post...

Sorry for the booby shot (yeah - I know - they're getting huge), but even though I'm only 10 weeks, I'm poking out a bit. I want to document my growing belly. No one was around to take the picture, so I had to do it myself. :-)

It's true...I'm doing something that is extremely uncharacteristic of me...I'm actually posting something within a couple days of the last post rather than a couple of weeks or months, which is my current track record. I just feel so excited and blessed that I want to share with you - my beloved bloggies - the things that have occurred within the last few days.

To preface, I must say that when I first entered the blogosphere, I was apprehensive. I wasn't sure it was something I could keep up with and I didn't want to share too much information on a public site. In creating my writing blog, I wanted to have an outlet where friends and strangers alike could have the opportunity to read and critique my writing - without divulging too much personal info. I've tried to keep things somewhat untraceable and know I've failed at that a few times. It's been a great few months and I've loved documenting some of my craziest and most memorable stories.

That being said, I feel like I want to document this 40 week journey that began a short 10 weeks ago. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought this thing would last forever, but the first quarter of it has gone by pretty fast and I can't believe I only have 30 weeks left! I'm sure all of you mommies out there are rolling your eyes and saying..."Oh honey, just wait. You have no idea what's about to hit you!" I'm sure I don't, but for posterity's sake and for my sake, I need to describe to you the emotions that have been surging through my brain lately.

From the moment I married the man of my dreams, I was excited to start a family with him. I had spent my entire dating career not being able to envision an eternity with any of the men I dated. I got to the point that I was a hopelessly lost cause, or so I thought. I was 30, Mormon and single...it's not a very impressive cocktail within the the LDS Church. It had become an almost daily battle hearing things like, "...but your so pretty, why can't you find someone to marry?" I knew it was really bad when my non-Mormon friends and colleagues started saying this to me.

When my Robbie came into my life, I had given up on ever finding the right man for me. You can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was that this amazing, warm, kind, gentle, loving person (I could go on and on), was actually as interested in me as I was in him. I won't bore you with the details, but our courtship was a dream to me. It wasn't without bumps and detours in the road, but I think that's what I loved about it. I was going through changes and learning so many new things with someone I loved and cared for so much. I love you Robbie and don't know what I would ever do without you.

He's obviously put with a LOT over the past year. My crazy personality can get a bit (did I just say a bit - I mean SUPER) overwhelming for someone as easy-going as he is. He's been a trooper though, and has kept me focused on the more important things in life...like having a baby.

I wanted to get going on a family right away, but if I am the Kite, Robbie would definitely be my Anchor. He kept us focused and made sure we made well thought out decisions. Once it was time to start our family, we both knew....and once I was pregnant...we REALLY both knew!

I was, to say the least, a complete bundle of crabbiness and once again, my beloved husband handled it with ease and grace and patience. And then the morning sickness REALLY began and the crabbiness and emotional instability became outright whining. Robbie was not only a husband, he had to become a wife too and take over every household responsibility that had been previously shared.

I felt, and still feel, so sick and cranky that I honestly wasn't excited to have a baby and to be a mother. Robbie continued to remind me that I shouldn't complain because I was the one so impatient to begin a family. I tried to put on a good face when people would get so excited for me as I gave them the news, but I felt so completely ill, that I couldn't find the strength to be excited for what was ahead. I was dissappointed in myself. I knew I needed to be jumping for joy, but I felt like if I jumped too high, I'd lose my lunch.

Today that all changed. I went in for an appointment to check the results of my blood tests and urinalysis...I had a shining bill of health for those of you who care. All of a sudden, the doctor whipped out a little ultrasound machine that, instead of a visual monitor, had a little speaker. I didn't even know those things existed and I certainly didn't know he was going to do something like this. If I would've known, I would've insisted on Robbie being there - but alas he wasn't.

The doctor poured the jelly on my tummy and started to feel around. We were chatting about this and that and then he stopped and said "Well hello there mommy." At first all I heard was static that sounded a little like a primary kid making funny noises into a microphone and then it was this little thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It was the sound of life, the sound of rushing blood through my baby's little veins and suddenly every joyous emotion and every ounce of love I could muster up came rushing into my being. I finally came to the realization that I have a little person inside of me...I'm a mommy!

If you told me two and a half years ago that this would be happening to me, I would've laughed in your face. Isn't it strange how life happens? One minute you're just walking down the street minding your own business, the next minute you're living every dream you've ever had since you were a little girl.

Though this journey isn't going to be without its struggles, I know it's going to be a happy one. Not just my 40-week-journey, but the rest-of-my-life-journey as well. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband and that God has entrusted us to take care of one of His blessed little spirits. I'll continue to write down the details of this journey, as long as you're willing to continue to read them.

Good night my blogging friends!