Thursday, October 30, 2008

I never respond to tags...

...but for this one I decided "What the heck!? I'm on bed rest - I have nothing better to do...Well, I guess I could be working and calling my accounts - but who wants to do that?"
This is the 4th picture in one of my picture folders. I may seem the essence of cool and class - especially to those of you who have known me for less than 4 years, but don't be fooled by the facade...deep down inside I'm as white trash as they come. I think it stems from all of the fake cowboys I was exposed to in high school. In public, I turned up my nose at them, but at night when no one was around, I would secretly cry myself to sleep wishing I could pull off wearing cowboy hats, pink wranglers that made my butt look 5 times bigger than it really was and lime green cowboy boots. Since that was out of the question, I turned to grungy flannel shirts, baggy jeans and being in love with Larry Mullen Jr. (U2's Drummer)...*sigh*
Anyhoo...back to the picture. When Robbie and I had the opportunity to go to a Monster Truck Jam, I jumped at the chance. He went straight to work making the perfect white trash T-Shirts (his said "Who Needs a woman? Marry your Monster Truck!" mine had like 20 pictures of Britney Spears and said "Mess with me, and you mess with the whole trailer park"). He made sure to grow himself a handle bar mustache and I went to my own personal make-up bag and pulled out my fake eyelashes, powder blue eyeshadow and pink frosted lipgloss...ya...I didn't even need to shop for that stuff...I told you I was white trash deep down inside.
If we had been in Utah, no one would have given us a second look, because everyone who goes to a Monster Truck Rally dresses like that every day. In California, it was a different story...I've never been stared at so much in my life! That was a great night! It's been too long since I've been to a Monster Truck Jam. As soon as this bed rest thing is over, I'm DEFINITELY going to treat myself!
I'm not going to tag anyone...but if you really want to do this tag, be my guest!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hangin' with my little J-Dawg

Disclaimer: Recently, I was put on bedrest for the final trimester of my pregnancy by a very wonderful doctor who wants nothing more than to bring our little person into this world safely and in a healthy state. This is my tribute to bedrest and a healthy baby.

For the past week and a half, I've seen the world very different ways:

1)Looking up at the popcorn ceiling of my apartment. When I was a little girl I would look up at the ceiling in our house and find different shapes of animals and people. I would imagine stories about them and would wonder what they did to get stuck in a ceiling (they must have been naughty and were placed in a ceiling rather than on good solid ground :-)). There's a spot on my ceiling that isn't very popcorny and if I look really closely I can see some of the beams that hold up the floor of the apartment above me. I don't see any shapes of animals or people and haven't been able to imagine situations. This makes me kind of sad that I've become an adult and no longer have the childish imagination of my youth. Who knows maybe it's hiding in there someplace and I've just got to find it.

2)Even though I don't have a veiw of the street, I can see the world go by as I lay here slightly elevated on my left side. Just a few minutes ago I saw a squirrel running along the highest point of the garage roof just opposite from where I'm laying. The tree outside my window is changing colors - even though I live in the land of eternal sunshine. I find myself forever grateful for that tree. It's yellow dying leaves make me smile and help me to understand that there is a cycle to every life, that changes happen and that there is always a spring around the corner where our lives will be beautiful, green and new - though never the same.

3) There is kindness in others that I never could have imagined. I'm so lucky to belong to a church where service and unconditional love is one of the most important foundations. It can be pretty lonely laying here day after day with no one to talk to - especially for this little social butterfly whose happiness completely depends on her ability to chat and talk and build relationships. I have an amazing visiting teacher who has stepped up to the plate and has arranged for women in the ward to visit and chat with me and to bring me dinner. I have had the most wonderful experience getting to know women who I haven't had the chance to say more than two words to. I've been able to chat with friends and get to know them so much better than I would have had I been able to continue on with my daily routine of hitting the pavement every day to sell, sell, sell. To my dear Cheyenne - you are truly an Angel sent to me from Heaven and have made this experience more delightful than I could ever imagine.

4) My husband really is the best thing that could have happened in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without his funny jokes to keep my spirits up or his uncanny ability to calm my nerves when I'm about to succomb to the "CRAZY PREGNANT LADY" waiting to break out and cause utter mayhem. He tells me all the time that he loves me and that he loves to serve me. He is willing to sacrifice so many things to spend time with his "best girl." He is willing to clean the bathroom, do the dishes, the laundry and all the cleaning just so his little "clean freak" doesn't break down into one of her episodes (Who me? NEVER!). His blue eyes, his red dot and his amazing smile never cease to make the butterflies in my stomach flitter every time I see him. I hope you all have your own personal Robbies (or the prospect of one), they make life liveable.

5) I'm begining to understand what it really means to sacrifice and to love this little guy growing inside of me. I would do anything for my little Dawg. I wake up in the middle of the night to feel his gentle kicking and I take comfort that he's growing big and strong. I'm so grateful for the miracle of life - because my little J-Dawg is my miracle. I can already sense his personality and that he's going to be a vivacious, wonderful, amazing person. I feel such gratitude that I can be a part of his life.

I've decided that bed rest isn't a total tragedy, though it is difficult for me to be laying down for twenty-four hours a day. I'm taking this time to see the beauty in it, because honestly it is beautiful to be a mother and to do all you can to help your children safely enter this world. I think of all the things that he is going to have to go through just by growing up in Southern California and ask myself "Is it worth it?" My answer Yes it is! - he has every right to come to earth and to gain a body and to go through all of the trials and messes that this life throws at us. What a wonderful time to be alive and to help bring a life into the world!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Thank you whoever you are...

Can I tell you how much I love my husband? He tells me all the time how pretty I am, even though I feel like an enormous BEACH BALL. Actually, most days I feel more like a BEACHED WHALE. My sweet, wonderful husband will go so far as to point out other pregnant women and tell me how much better than them I look. What a guy! He's really begining to understand what makes women feel good! He really is sweet and I thank him for making me feel like I'm the most loved woman in the world.

Some days, however, it's hard for me to really feel pretty. I have a friend, who I just love, but whenever I tell her I feel like a beach ball, she agrees with me and then points out how big my ankles look. I know it's my fault for even mentioning it, but...are you kidding me? You don't say stuff like that to an emotionally b#%chy pregnant woman! Show a little compassion! For the most part though, people are usually pretty nice and tell me how good I look. These are usually people I know and deep down in my soul I feel like they're just saying those things to make sure I don't fall apart and start crying. In other words, I don't really believe them.

Well, today I was in the grocery store and went through the self check-out. Hello! Big mistake. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I should've let a trained professional scan my groceries, but I thought I'd save time. HA! Like that ever happens. I need to learn my lesson. Anyhoo...I was having a *&#$ of a time getting the computer to stop telling me I had to wait for the attendant or coming anywhere close to finding the code for garlic. **Note to self: don't use the self check-out if some of your groceries don't have bar codes** The "attendant" had to come and bail me out like 12 times.

When I thought I was about to lose everything from my cool to my maternity bra, the attendant asks me "So, how far along are you?" Oh no - my eyes begin to roll and I brace myself for what's coming! I sigh and tell her I'm about 6 months. I was expecting to hear what I usually hear..."Oh my goodness, I can't believe how big you are!" or "Wow! Now that's a big baby!" other words..."Holy crap you remind me of a beached whale!" But for once, in the 20 years I've been pregnant, I hear something like this..."Oh - that's so exciting! Is this your first? You are going to love being a mother. You look absolutely gorgeous!" She then went on to tell me how much fun boys were and that her first child was a boy and she wouldn't have it any other way, but before I walked away she made sure to tell me one more time how beautiful I was.

Stunned, I gathered up myself and my cart and headed toward the door. Slowly, a little smile crept on to my face. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. I actually believed a complete stranger when she told me that I was a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman. This was truly a break-through.

I've tried to have a better attitude about being pregnant, and for the most part...I have. I just haven't quite come to terms with my ever changing and expanding body. But thanks to the lady at Ralph's, I'm begining to really believe that big is beautiful.

Thank you Ralph's have no idea how much I needed you today.