Sunday, December 19, 2010

My Gift to Jesus

Image by Greg Olsen

Every year on Christmas Eve, our family gathers in the basement of my parent's home after we eat our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of fried oysters and clam chowder (which I think all of my sisters-in-law refuse to eat) and the Greed-Fest (aka opening of Christmas presents) is over.

At this point, it's time to sit down and think about the true Spirit of Christmas. The actual reason for the holiday. We sit in a circle and my dad begins by lighting his candle and giving his "Gift to Jesus," meaning something he can do for the next year that would bring him closer to the Savior. The next person in the circle lights his/her candle from dad's and gives a Gift to Jesus and so on and so on until everyone has a lit candle and has given their gift.

Last year my gift to Jesus was to sit down every night and read the Book of Mormon with my little family. I felt like there was no time like the present to get in that habit. I'm happy to say that for probably the first time since we began giving gifts to Jesus on Christmas Eve, I've a)remembered throughout the year what my gift was and b)actually followed through with what I've given. We've missed a few days here and there, but I can gladly say that we're in the habit of reading scriptures every night before J goes to bed.

When daddy begins reading him stories and it's scripture time, he comes running out to get me yelling "SKIPTOOORS, SKIPTOOORS" and of course, melts my heart in the process. With our little toddler, it's taking forever (we barely began the Book of Jacob because he can only sit through a few verses per night), but I can feel we've been blessed for our efforts.

This year I won't be with my side of the family for Christmas (I'll be in the hospital with my baby), and since I can't be there, I would like to give my Gift to Jesus a little early and make you, my blog friends, hold me to it!

This year my Gift to Jesus is:

To make personal scripture study a priority

I've really slacked in this area lately and feel so much better when I read my scriptures every day. I lost my scriptures when we moved last August and just the other day found them. I've been praying every day since August to find them and it was really a trial of my faith that it took so long, but Heavenly Father came through and showed me that prayers aren't always answered at the moment we want them answered. To show my gratitude for my answered prayer, I truly feel like this is the best payback I can give him.

I gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon when I was 17 and an even stronger one on my mission and hope to strengthen it even more in the coming year.

Since I'll be in the hospital having a baby for Christmas...Merry Christmas everyone! In all of the craziness of the season may you sit down and remember the true reason for why we celebrate. I cherish everyone of you and hope you have as lovely a Christmas as I know I'm going to have. I'll be holding one of my greatest gifts from heaven in my arms that day!


Friday, December 17, 2010

Be it unto me...

Last night I went to a fabulous dinner at the home of a member of our Relief Society Presidency. The topic of the night was seeing "Christmas Through Mary's Eyes," and it really got me thinking about this wonderful little man coming into our home just 2 days before we celebrate the Savior's birth.

When I realized what my due date would be (December 29th) I was dead set against having the baby before Christmas. Not because I didn't want to spend Christmas in the hospital, but because of how difficult it would be for my little man to have a birthday leading up to Christmas. I don't want him to hate his birthday his whole life...I figured the week after Christmas would be better (though not ideal) for him. Due to extenuating circumstances however, we didn't have much of a choice but to schedule our C-section for the 23rd of December. This means I'll be spending Christmas Eve and most likely Christmas Day in the hospital.

Christmas is going to be VERY different for our family this year, but you know - I'm okay with it. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'll be able to hold my baby in my arms and know that he came straight from Heaven. He'll be my greatest gift on Christmas!

Last night as I was listening to the message being given about Mary, I was struck with her image in my minds eye. I can only imagine how she was feeling as she rode along on the back of a donkey to an unfamiliar place, uncertain where she would be having her baby and in what conditions.

With all of the contractions I'm currently having, I have to be grateful I'm not riding on a donkey while having them. I get to have all the conveniences of a modern birth and she had to bring her baby to the world by the humblest of means. Maybe she dealt with scorn and ridicule from others as she became pregnant before she was even married to Joseph, who, merciful as he was wanted to "put her away privily." Thank heavens for those heavenly messengers!

I can't imagine what Mary felt, having "not known a man," but nonetheless carrying the Savior of the world in her womb. I can, however, imagine what she may have felt as she rocked her baby that first night and the love and honor she felt to be the mother of such an amazing little creature.

This Christmas I'm going to be thinking of Mary when I rock my newborn baby in my arms. Would I have said, "be it unto me according to thy word" as she did or would I have been more like Zacharias and doubted that it was at all possible? I hope I would have been more like her.

So, this Christmas I salute you Mary and hope to have as much faith during the coming year as you did when you accepted the great challenge of motherhood under such difficult, but rewarding, circumstances.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What's going to happen next?

As many of you know, a few months ago I quit the rat race and found myself in a new home and alone in said home with a crazy, screaming toddler who has reached the terrible twos quite a few months before he's arrived at the ripe old age...oh...and a growing belly full of baby-love.

Have you noticed that I don't have as much to write of said fetus (A-Rob is what I think the blogosphere will know him as), as I did with little J-Dawg? I think because everything with Little J was so new to me. Now the throwing up for the entire 9 month period, gestational diabetes, extreme fatigue etc, etc, etc seem quite normal to me and I've come to terms with the fact that none of my pregnancies are going to be "easy," not that any pregnancy really is easy (except for you b!@%(&*$ who have really easy pregnancies, I'll never like you - I'm sorry).

There are a few things that are different this time bed rest, reasonably low blood pressure (I'm doing BIG knocks on wood for those first two), actually feeling the fetus sit on my bladder (I guess bed rest had its advantages) and the constant need for little A-Rob to do 360's while I'm trying to walk. I can't tell you how many times I've almost fallen flat on my face because this kid wants to wiggle while I walk.

Also, a big difference is running around after a toddler and spending my days watching Elmo, coloring with crayons, play dates, swinging at the park and cuddling up to a nice theatrical reading of "The Cat in the Hat." We seem to be settling into this little routine called Stay-At-Home-Mommy-Hood little J and I. It wasn't easy at first - getting used to being together all the time - but it seems like J-Dawg and mommy are growing fond of each other and becoming partners in crime.

Now all I have to ask myself is...what's going to happen in approximately 8 weeks when another little man comes in and mixes up our groove? Things are going to be different and I don't know whether J-Dawg or I know what is going to hit us.

Each night J-Dawg and I have story time and singing time. As I lay my little fella down to sleep, if there is even a one second delay in songs, he emphatically demands I "SING." He even asked me to "SING" while we were shopping in the grocery store the other day. This kid melts my heart on a daily basis. Tonight while we were singing he turned and looked at me with the look only a son gives to his mommy, wrapped his arms around me and gave me the cuddliest hug I've ever gotten from him.

They say your heart expands when you have another child. I hope and pray it's true, because J-Dawg has captured mine completely and I would hate not having enough room for little A-Rob because I know he's special. I can feel his little spirit entering my heart already. It will definitely be a new challenge and a whole new way of being - but I think I'm ready.

Monday, July 19, 2010

All is well...

The words kept going through my head over and over, "And should we die before our journey's through, Happy Day! All is well..." I couldn't believe that actually just happened. As I sat in my father-in-law's van, I went over the details of that moment.

Earlier in the day we had stopped to get groceries and fill up the gas tanks in the jet skis and boat. Robbie was really anxious to get on the road and I was taking my time in the grocery store. Neither of us were very nice to each other once we got on the road and I decided that he deserved a little silent treatment. Little J was snuggled nicely in his car seat and fell right to sleep once we were on the road, which meant I was free to watch a movie on our portable DVD player.

After a about a half hour, I started to get sleepy, so I decided to get my pillow out and take a nap, I put the seat belt snugly under my arm so it wouldn't whip me in the face and I leaned into the passengers side window, still deciding whether or not I needed to be a crabby-cakes to my husband any longer.

All of a sudden I woke with a start. The boat we were towing started to fishtail again. It had done that the day before as we drove through Barstow and Robbie was a pro at getting it under control. I had confidence that he would be able to correct it one more time...but...then it started getting worse and worse. All of a sudden we were all over the road. I yelled his name, "ROBBIE!!" I heard a whoosh of air and my husband yelled..."We're losing control!"

No sooner had those words left his mouth, did we hit the soft adobe dirt and our truck began to spin out of control. All I could think of was, "My baby...what's happening to my baby? Heavenly Father please take care of my baby." Our truck hit the dirt, flipped onto its roof, back to its wheels, then to the driver's side, roof and finally landed on the passengers side.

"We then are free from toil and sorrow too; With the just we shall dwell!"

Once we were stopped the first thing I said was, "Don't worry about me, get the baby out...get the baby out!" Robbie opened the door and jumped out of the car. I couldn't tell if I was okay or not, so I sat there for a few seconds. I realized Robbie couldn't have helped us out without falling right on top of us, so I knew it was up to me to get J out.

I undid my seat belt and turned around and found the back window to be shattered. J was still in his car seat and a little confused as to what just happened. His seat ended up facing forward and was right behind my seat. His little face was covered with a zip-up drink cooler, almost as if someone placed it there to shield him from getting a face full of glass and other debris when the window shattered.

I pulled him out of the car seat and stood up. My father-in-law was there and took him from me, then pulled me out of the truck. I looked around and screamed for my baby. Robbie's sister put him in my arms. He was okay. Simply perfect. Smiling and happy to be out of that car seat.

There I sat in the van with my little boy in my arms, bleeding from a head wound and replaying the scenario over and over in my head. What if it were worse, what if I would have lost my baby? I held him tighter and thanked my Heavenly Father for sparing him. I knew then and there that I was put on this earth to be his mommy and he was here for a great purpose.

Now, I don't care what the media or anyone else has to say about the FLDS people who live in Hilldale/Colorado City, but they are the most kind and compassionate people I have ever met. They were the first on the scene and they treated us with such respect and compassion. Two women were there and as I was put on a stretcher, they took my little baby from my arms and strapped him into the car seat. They made sure he was close by the entire time. They fed him water and called him a "little darling." Once we were in the ambulance on our way back to St. George, the older woman held my hand and told me how blessed I had been.

The words kept coming back to me, "But if our lives are spared again to see the saints their rest obtain."

I couldn't stop weeping, I felt like I was in a dream surrounded by people who looked like pioneers. Once we were at the hospital the kind FLDS woman wouldn't leave my side, so I didn't have to be alone. I could have kissed her. She was an angel sent straight from heaven.

Everything turned out okay and my injuries were minor. We're nearing the 1st anniversary of the accident and as we sang that song in Sacrament last Sunday I couldn't help but be reminded of God's mercy and the kindness of Strangers.

"Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell - All is well! All is well!"

Monday, June 21, 2010


Go here if you want to hear read some excellent news!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Actual Conversation...

Em-Cat and Robbie in our younger, skinnier days...

So I'm sitting at lunch with my HOT husband today and he begins to compliment me ever so lovingly...

Robbie: "You look so pretty today."

EmC: "I do?"

Robbie: "Yes. I love your shirt. It's really a good color for you."

EmC: "Oh! You're so sweet."

Robbie: "And your hair is so beautiful and shiny."

EmC: "Stop! My head is going to explode with all of these compliments."

Robbie: "And your face? Well...It's simply glowing."

EmC: "Aw!"

Robbie: "Except for those zits on your chin. What's up with the acne lately?"


That's the sound my head made as it deflated...

Don't I just have the SWEETEST husband ever?

Friday, April 30, 2010

There is a surprising lack of writing on this blog and an even more surprising amount of youtube videos. I couldn't resist this one. Robbie, J-Dawg and I were watching Sesame Street this morning and this little segment came on and we laughed so hard our appendix burst. So, have a hernia on us!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Yeah - BIG Shocker

Did anyone NOT see that coming? Because if you didn't you are BLIND.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

To the Greatest Band in the World

I remember sitting on the living room couch. My older brother walked in with a video in his hand. I don't remember what I was watching, but I do remember not being bothered that he wanted to play something different. This was my brother who I was closest to and he could do no wrong.

I looked up to him so much and wanted to be exactly like him - only in girl form. If he liked a certain book, then I had to read it; if he hated country music, then it wasn't worth my listening to; and if he liked U2, then by all means, it must be the greatest band in the world.

I sat there mesmerized by the music and the passion each member of the band had for what they were doing and singing. They all absolutely loved what they were doing and truly believed in the songs they were singing.

In the movie the band visited Graceland and Larry Mullen Jr. (the drummer) spoke of his admiration for "the King," and how he related his passion for his drums to Elvis' passion for his music and his guitar. At that moment, I knew I would always love Larry. Even more important, I would never love a band like I love U2.
I was 11 and it all started with Rattle and Hum. I love them as much now as I did then.

So to my Irish Boys I say...Happy (Belated) St. Patrick's Day.

Your Biggest Fan (aka Em-Cat)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I promise I'm not going to change the name of this blog to "Do all the YouTube Videos I Post on this Blog Suck." But I couldn't resist this one. J-Dawg and I were eating breakfast this morning, enjoying us a little Sesame Street when Adam Sandler appeared with this great little song. Now I LOVES me some Adam Sandler, especially when he sings his made up songs, so I was thrilled when this little diddy was performed by the man himself.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I Heart Snuggies

It's true. I thought they were really dumb until I tried one on while visiting my family over Christmas. Genius I tell you...ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!! (Insert evil cackle) Anyhoo - this is a funny video, and kinda true. Though I still want a Snuggie as soon as possible because I truly HEART Snuggies.

P.S. This hasn't been much of a writing blog lately. I have had quite a few things going on here.

Friday, March 5, 2010

ANOTHER Crazy Sighting...Sheesh...When will they end?

The dog I saw him with is the one on the left. I took the picture from this site.

So I was on my way to the chiropractor the other day and I SWEAR I saw Orlando Bloom jogging with one of his dogs. The guy I saw had a beanie hat on and he looked over to me. I instantly jumped because, you know that feeling girls get when Orlando Bloom looks at them? Yeah - I totally got it. Well, he knew I got it because he immediately looked away and pulled his beanie cap down lower over his eyes. The dog looked familiar too. Hmmm...might Orlando be another narcissistic neighbor? Who knows, maybe he's just visiting with the Rod-Man.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Actual Converstaion

I was driving through a parking lot yesterday which I had never before frequented. I accidentally drove the wrong way into an exit. Honestly, aren't those things are more of a suggestion in parking lots than a rule? It's not like I'm going to get a ticket for it (insert eye roll).

As I drove my car into the exit I realized too late I was going the wrong way and to my credit the sign was tiny. I pulled into my parking spot I saw an old lady, who was going the right way, give me a dirty look as she backed her up to try to get into a different spot.

I again realized too late she was probably going for the parking space I just took. I knew the nice thing to do would be apologize, so I got out of my car and headed over to hers, but she beat me to it. She was already standing by my car looking supremely annoyed. Here's how our conversation went:

Old Lady: Do you realize you just the wrong way in an exit?

Me: Yes, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it until it was too late and then when I saw your face I knew I took your parking spot. I'm so sorry!

Old Lady: Well you put me in a really tight spot. You just cut me off there (she was like 200 yards away and around a corner when I pulled into the spot she had her eye on).

Me: I'm really sorry. I had no idea that there was only one way to go, I've never been in this parking lot before.

Old Lady: Well at least you said you were sorry.

Me: I really am. I was actually just getting out to tell you I was.

Old Lady: Don't you feel like a complete IDIOT when you do things like that?

Me: He he, yeah (In my mind: Absolutely not you crazy old bat! You need to chill out and realize people make mistakes...sheesh!)

Sigh...Old people hate me...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Coming Soon...

Monday, February 22nd to be exact.

I just need to have a fun birthday weekend and then I'm getting down and dirty with reality. Sigh...denial was such bliss.

P.S. Click on picture to follow the link to my new "dose of reality" blog (I know...right? How am I supposed to update ANOTHER blog when I don't even update this one that often? I feel really motivated with this one - no really I do!)

Monday, February 15, 2010

A Day in the Life...And a Crazy Sighting

Today we decided to take J-Dawg to the park. He loved it! We had some Subway sandwiches and were enjoying the warmth and sunlight. Half way through our meal, guess who we saw:

Yep - the Rod-man himself. He actually looked normal in real life. No cross-dressing or funky hair-dos. Just a baseball cap and nose ring. He took his kids (at least I assume they were his) to ride their bikes and to play a little b-ball. Yeah - Dennis Rodman plays a my neighborhood...with his weird!

I wanted to yell out to him:

"Hey Dennis! I know your friend Cheyenne (my friend Cheyenne once worked for him and they became buddies) Can we be friends too? Seriously - I would make you laugh, because I make myself laugh all the really - I'm SO funny. Actually I don't think I would like to be your friend because, no offense, you're crazy, but then you probably already know that because your you and you know things about you that I really don't think I could handle. Anyhoo...Can I take your picture? Please - don't make me be in the picture. I don't want to be photographed, because I still haven't lost my baby weight and that has made me hate all pictures with me in them, but you're used to having your picture taken. So - how 'bout it? No seriously, just a quick snap shot with my cell phone camera...oh, wait! I left my cell phone at home. Do you have a cell phone? Because you could take the picture and then just text it to me. Then I could save your number in my phone and I could send you texts all the time. Don't you feel like you've known me forever? I know! We're like BFF's already. But I already told you! I don't want to be your friend - Crazy. Sheesh!"

But I didn't, because let's face it - that would be annoying.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Because I said I would...and I'm not a liar...

The following is an e-mail I sent to Larry Riley, Vice President of Circulation for the Orange County Register, along with his reply. Please note for future reference: It's a bad idea to scorn someone who rarely gets angry enough to contact a supervisor, let alone a Vice President.

Dear Mr. Riley,

I just received a call, on my cell phone, from one of your sales staff. I am contacting you because, on the Orange County Register website, you were listed with this e-mail address as the Vice President of Circulation. I assume that you are in charge of the sales department making cold calls, if you are not, I kindly ask you to forward this to the appropriate person.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many calls I’ve received from your sales department because I lost count after the 10th call. Each time I have been contacted, I asked the caller politely to take me off the OC Register call list, and each time I was assured that I would be taken off said “list.” Truthfully, I wasn’t very polite after the 8th or 9th call. Why is it that when I ask to be taken of the OC Register’s cold call list, I am continually being contacted? Do you make it a policy to lie to potential customers? I really hope you reply with an answer to this one, because it baffles me. Your employees are effectively lying to me when they say I’ll be taken off the list and then I am continually being contacted. I know these are tough times, but you seem to be shooting yourselves in the foot each time you contact me.

I wish I would have been given the opportunity to speak with a supervisor when I received the call this morning, but I was assured I would be taken off the list, and then I was hung up on. If there were ever a small chance I would even think of subscribing to the Orange County Register, it was completely shattered the minute I wasn’t given a chance to speak to your representative’s supervisor. I assure you I will never agree to subscribe to the Orange County Register and I will do everything in my power to dissuade people from subscribing to it. I will post my experiences on my online blogs as well as send e-mails to every person I know who lives in Orange County, CA. Please pass along this information to your sales staff so that they may know that they have the WORST customer service I have ever encountered.

Thank you for your time,


And his reply...

This is completely unacceptable Ms. [G]. I’m glad you wrote and that you’re holding me accountable. We adhere to strict guidelines when it comes to do-not-call compliance. We not only download against the Federal Do Not Call list (required by law), but we also maintain an internal DNC list too. There’s no sense in calling folks that don’t want to be called. It’s very unproductive the next time around. Numbers are being added daily, and I need to figure out why we dropped the ball with yours.

I need a favor please…

Our calling campaigns are managed through a sophisticated computer. It maintains unbiased records of everything we do. We can track frequency of calls and “call disposition” by agent. We maintain a call center right here in the Santa Ana Register building (foremost, for quality control purposes). However, we do supplement campaigns through the use of a vendor, but not just any vendor. We interact with them almost daily regarding call quality and calibration.

I apologize for this lengthy summary, but hopefully it demonstrates how seriously we take outbound sales. In the end, you’re being called and you’ve asked numerous times for it to stop. Regardless of whom you’re speaking with, this request is not being honored. With your telephone number reply, we can load it into our computer for DNC (which takes effect in 24-hours, or sooner). Plus, we will run diagnostics on the history of calls and figure out who you’ve spoken with.

I always say…”it is through feedback that we improve.” We have some work to do here.

Again, thanks for writing. We should be able to get this corrected very quickly. I know how these experiences go, as I do exactly what you did when called at home. There are companies that adhere to my request perfectly, while there are others that don’t. I respond the same way you have and I really appreciate the feedback.

In closing, I don’t want this experience to damage your opinion of the Register. Hopefully we can redeem ourselves quickly.

Best regards,

Larry Riley

Vice President, Circulation

Orange County Register Communications

625 N Grand Ave.

Santa Ana, CA 92701

O 1.714.796.6864

F 1.714.347.2725

cc. Bruce Blair, Director of Circulation Sales

Larry Blake, Manager of Customer Relations

Well Larry, I guess I'll just have to sit back and see if you're as good as your word. I hope you are, because I don't like being angry. It interferes with my beauty sleep...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Day in the Life

This is what I texted to RG (Robbie) this afternoon:

"J pooed and it got everywhere and by everywhere I mean his pants, shirt, me, socks, legs, feet, me, blanket, changing pad, me, the car and did I mention ME? We went and bought him new pants because the poor kid is pantless...We'll probably be late."

For some reason I feel like a train hit me...huh...weird.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Writers Block - RandEM-CAT Style

**SIGH**I've been sitting here for 5 minutes staring at my blank slate wondering if I could pull anything interesting out of my hat of thoughts. So I'm going to give you a few RandEM-CATs without really knowing what I'm going to say before hand. Please be patient as I try to pull thoughts out of my you-know-what and don't be surprised if the writing really DOES suck.


My offspring turned ONE last week. O-N-E people. I don't know where the time went. No seriously - where did it go? What year is it? How old am I? I wonder when Robbie and I will have our first kiss...oh wait...that already happened!

So much has happened this year and I'm begining to realize that I may never get my brain back. Srsly - I have become so forgetful that I'm currently having a hard time remembering my husband's middle name. I can't tell you how many things I forgot to take on my business trip last week. And don't even get me started on what my baby had to wear to bed tonight because I forgot to pack jammies.

It is truly a miracle I haven't left the little tyke at the park because I forgot I had given birth to him. I think I haven't left him anywhere because the one thing I DO remember is the nightmarish pregnancy I endured for 9+ months and the incredibly insane labor and delivery. I have a little 20lb screaming, crazy, babbling CONSTANT REMINDER who follows me around trying to climb up and down my legs, pulling my hair (leg and head) and whatever else he can get his hands on. And the funny thing is...I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to be this little man's mommy. Even if it means that I've contracted Alzheimers during the past year.

The sacrifices we make...

So I spent two entire days last week listening to reasons why I suck as a salesman. Is it just me or can you get more out of people by speaking positively to them and pointing out their good traits than by telling them how dissappointed you are in them and that if they don't change their act they might just end up out in the cold without their proverbial shirt to keep them warm? Just wondering...

Last night I had a little insomnia. Funny how that happens more now that I'm a mother. I know - this is only the begining. I'm sure I won't sleep well for the next 25 years or so. I woke up at 1:30am and didn't get back to bed until 3. Needless to say I was a bit tired today. After I met with hubby and the offspring for lunch I found myself sitting in the parking lot outside of an account taking a power nap. It was only 15 minutes, but it was probably the most HEA-VEN-LY 15 minutes of my day. I wonder if I could turn my car into a bed on wheels for naps during the day...hmmm... I think I'll bring my woobie along with me tomorrow.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Jay Leno GO HOME!

And I don't even watch late-night TV. I don't know...maybe it's Jay's chin that makes him so UN-funny.

Who are you with?

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Fight Continues...

Say a little prayer for those of us who live in California, won't you? We're still fighting to protect traditional marriage and the battle is far from over. It may never be over. The people have spoken - twice, but that's not good enough for opponents to Prop 8. Go here to follow the defense's progress of Perry v Schwarzenegger and keep them in your prayers. This and this were a couple of compelling and heartening reports on how things are going in the court room. And to my gay and lesbian friends: Even though we disagree on this one little point...I love you and will always be your friend.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dear Mr. GreenBags...cough...Green Peace...cough...cough,

I do have a minute for the environment, but I'm not giving you money or signing my life away to help you get the "numbers" you need to make yourself feel good and your bosses feel good. So can I just ask you to stop chasing me out of the stores I'm REQUIRED to visit for my job? No, you don't have to follow me to my car and yell after me that it's my duty as a citizen of the world for me to save the baby seals of Antarctica and shame on me for not giving $500 to support the your salary...cough. Honestly - If I gave $5 to every Joe Green who stands outside health food stores, I'd have to stand at the end of freeway exits with a sign that says "Green Peace Took All My Money."

Environmentally Yours,

Dear Guy in a Wheel Chair Who Rings A Bell for a Good Cause,

I don't know if you were paying attention to the letter I wrote to Mr. Green Bags, but I have to cross a line so I can give food to my little munchkin who doesn't really like food, but needs to eat anyway. Like I told you before...I visit stores like this all day long and maybe I can afford 25 cents to all the 20,000 stores I see per month, but I can also use that money to pay my rent and feed the beast. So, please don't yell at me and tell me I'm a jerk. Seriously - it won't make me want to give you my quarter because you're being so mean by yelling at me. Not that you need to know - I give to lots of people in need, so don't tell me I'm a cold, un-caring person just because I kept my quarter.

Philanthropically yours,

P.S. I'm sorry you're in a wheel chair.

Dear Miss Good Cause,

Yes I am a registered voter and no I don't want to sign your petition to give puppies the ability to file suit against their masters for the right to chew all the shoes they want, because it's a natural, carnal desire that puppies are entitled to do because they were born that way. Sorry - I don't feel like giving you my credit card number, social security number or the type of shampoo I use. Oh - and could you remember my face so that when I have to go back and forth from the store to my car (because as a SALES REP that's what I do) various times you don't ask me to sign again and again and again and again and again and again and again.



Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Funny thing... nick name is Em-Cat, but I'm really a dog person. And, glory be to the heavens, so is my offspring. (Please excuse the quality of the's from a cell phone)

P.S. I don't always have time to write new posts but, even if they're one liners, I'm going to try to post much more often. Cross your fingers! I may be eatin' my words in the next little while...I hope they taste like chocolate!

Friday, January 8, 2010

2010 is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!

Can I just say that my job and I have this love/hate relationship? No? Well I just did and I'm not taking it back. I hate it because of all the corporate hoo hah I have to deal with. I could go into detail, but then I would just be complaining and that would make me the most depressing blogger on the internet. So, you're welcome for being a little more positive with my blogging (just this post - the next one is going to be SUPER depressing).

But I digress...I love my job because of all the diverse and interesting people I become friends with. Yes that's right - I said friends. Most all of my clients are people who I love dearly. I can't say I would hang out with all of them, but they are people I genuinely care about even though we are on two opposite ends of the crazy spectrum.

Case in point:

This afternoon while I was working in one of my stores, I asked one young man how his New Year has gone so far. Now I usually say something like, "How were your holidays" or, "Did you have a good Christmas?" But it just came out like "How has your new year been so far?" It seemed like a pretty harmless and normal question to ask someone.In the ten+ years I have been in the Health Food Industry, I should be used to unusual responses to seemingly normal questions (But really, what is "normal" anyway?). I was still shocked when our conversation proceeded like this:

C - "This year has been absolutely fabulous and you want to know something else? You will be blown away by the things that are going to happen this year."

Me - "OOOHHH! I love your optimism. Tell me what is going to happen this year."

C - "Well, first off space travel is going to be something that everyone is going to be able to experience. We'll be able to visit different planets."

Me - "'s cool."

C - "Yeah - well we've been communicating with aliens since the '50s and this year they're going to make themselves publicly known to us and give us the opportunity to visit their planets."Me - "Uh...he he...that's awesome! I can't wait."

C - "It's going to be amazing. So many good things are going to happen this year."

He then went on to tell me how marijuana is going to be legalized, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Now...the problem isn't that this man believes in aliens. Quite honestly there are a lot of people who do and I'm not going to judge a person based on their core beliefs. I think the problem is me. I don't believe we are communicating with aliens and I don't think there is any chance that 2010 is going to be the year where my husband and I sponsor a little alien exchange student. I actually sat there and pretended like I believed everything he said to me without batting an eye.

Sheesh...I'm such a liar.