Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Day in the Life

This is what I texted to RG (Robbie) this afternoon:

"J pooed and it got everywhere and by everywhere I mean his pants, shirt, me, socks, legs, feet, me, blanket, changing pad, me, the car and did I mention ME? We went and bought him new pants because the poor kid is pantless...We'll probably be late."

For some reason I feel like a train hit me...huh...weird.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Writers Block - RandEM-CAT Style

**SIGH**I've been sitting here for 5 minutes staring at my blank slate wondering if I could pull anything interesting out of my hat of thoughts. So I'm going to give you a few RandEM-CATs without really knowing what I'm going to say before hand. Please be patient as I try to pull thoughts out of my you-know-what and don't be surprised if the writing really DOES suck.


My offspring turned ONE last week. O-N-E people. I don't know where the time went. No seriously - where did it go? What year is it? How old am I? I wonder when Robbie and I will have our first kiss...oh wait...that already happened!

So much has happened this year and I'm begining to realize that I may never get my brain back. Srsly - I have become so forgetful that I'm currently having a hard time remembering my husband's middle name. I can't tell you how many things I forgot to take on my business trip last week. And don't even get me started on what my baby had to wear to bed tonight because I forgot to pack jammies.

It is truly a miracle I haven't left the little tyke at the park because I forgot I had given birth to him. I think I haven't left him anywhere because the one thing I DO remember is the nightmarish pregnancy I endured for 9+ months and the incredibly insane labor and delivery. I have a little 20lb screaming, crazy, babbling CONSTANT REMINDER who follows me around trying to climb up and down my legs, pulling my hair (leg and head) and whatever else he can get his hands on. And the funny thing is...I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to be this little man's mommy. Even if it means that I've contracted Alzheimers during the past year.

The sacrifices we make...

So I spent two entire days last week listening to reasons why I suck as a salesman. Is it just me or can you get more out of people by speaking positively to them and pointing out their good traits than by telling them how dissappointed you are in them and that if they don't change their act they might just end up out in the cold without their proverbial shirt to keep them warm? Just wondering...

Last night I had a little insomnia. Funny how that happens more now that I'm a mother. I know - this is only the begining. I'm sure I won't sleep well for the next 25 years or so. I woke up at 1:30am and didn't get back to bed until 3. Needless to say I was a bit tired today. After I met with hubby and the offspring for lunch I found myself sitting in the parking lot outside of an account taking a power nap. It was only 15 minutes, but it was probably the most HEA-VEN-LY 15 minutes of my day. I wonder if I could turn my car into a bed on wheels for naps during the day...hmmm... I think I'll bring my woobie along with me tomorrow.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Jay Leno GO HOME!

And I don't even watch late-night TV. I don't know...maybe it's Jay's chin that makes him so UN-funny.

Who are you with?

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Fight Continues...

Say a little prayer for those of us who live in California, won't you? We're still fighting to protect traditional marriage and the battle is far from over. It may never be over. The people have spoken - twice, but that's not good enough for opponents to Prop 8. Go here to follow the defense's progress of Perry v Schwarzenegger and keep them in your prayers. This and this were a couple of compelling and heartening reports on how things are going in the court room. And to my gay and lesbian friends: Even though we disagree on this one little point...I love you and will always be your friend.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dear Mr. GreenBags...cough...Green Peace...cough...cough,

I do have a minute for the environment, but I'm not giving you money or signing my life away to help you get the "numbers" you need to make yourself feel good and your bosses feel good. So can I just ask you to stop chasing me out of the stores I'm REQUIRED to visit for my job? No, you don't have to follow me to my car and yell after me that it's my duty as a citizen of the world for me to save the baby seals of Antarctica and shame on me for not giving $500 to support the your salary...cough. Honestly - If I gave $5 to every Joe Green who stands outside health food stores, I'd have to stand at the end of freeway exits with a sign that says "Green Peace Took All My Money."

Environmentally Yours,

Dear Guy in a Wheel Chair Who Rings A Bell for a Good Cause,

I don't know if you were paying attention to the letter I wrote to Mr. Green Bags, but I have to cross a line so I can give food to my little munchkin who doesn't really like food, but needs to eat anyway. Like I told you before...I visit stores like this all day long and maybe I can afford 25 cents to all the 20,000 stores I see per month, but I can also use that money to pay my rent and feed the beast. So, please don't yell at me and tell me I'm a jerk. Seriously - it won't make me want to give you my quarter because you're being so mean by yelling at me. Not that you need to know - I give to lots of people in need, so don't tell me I'm a cold, un-caring person just because I kept my quarter.

Philanthropically yours,

P.S. I'm sorry you're in a wheel chair.

Dear Miss Good Cause,

Yes I am a registered voter and no I don't want to sign your petition to give puppies the ability to file suit against their masters for the right to chew all the shoes they want, because it's a natural, carnal desire that puppies are entitled to do because they were born that way. Sorry - I don't feel like giving you my credit card number, social security number or the type of shampoo I use. Oh - and could you remember my face so that when I have to go back and forth from the store to my car (because as a SALES REP that's what I do) various times you don't ask me to sign again and again and again and again and again and again and again.



Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Funny thing... nick name is Em-Cat, but I'm really a dog person. And, glory be to the heavens, so is my offspring. (Please excuse the quality of the's from a cell phone)

P.S. I don't always have time to write new posts but, even if they're one liners, I'm going to try to post much more often. Cross your fingers! I may be eatin' my words in the next little while...I hope they taste like chocolate!

Friday, January 8, 2010

2010 is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!

Can I just say that my job and I have this love/hate relationship? No? Well I just did and I'm not taking it back. I hate it because of all the corporate hoo hah I have to deal with. I could go into detail, but then I would just be complaining and that would make me the most depressing blogger on the internet. So, you're welcome for being a little more positive with my blogging (just this post - the next one is going to be SUPER depressing).

But I digress...I love my job because of all the diverse and interesting people I become friends with. Yes that's right - I said friends. Most all of my clients are people who I love dearly. I can't say I would hang out with all of them, but they are people I genuinely care about even though we are on two opposite ends of the crazy spectrum.

Case in point:

This afternoon while I was working in one of my stores, I asked one young man how his New Year has gone so far. Now I usually say something like, "How were your holidays" or, "Did you have a good Christmas?" But it just came out like "How has your new year been so far?" It seemed like a pretty harmless and normal question to ask someone.In the ten+ years I have been in the Health Food Industry, I should be used to unusual responses to seemingly normal questions (But really, what is "normal" anyway?). I was still shocked when our conversation proceeded like this:

C - "This year has been absolutely fabulous and you want to know something else? You will be blown away by the things that are going to happen this year."

Me - "OOOHHH! I love your optimism. Tell me what is going to happen this year."

C - "Well, first off space travel is going to be something that everyone is going to be able to experience. We'll be able to visit different planets."

Me - "'s cool."

C - "Yeah - well we've been communicating with aliens since the '50s and this year they're going to make themselves publicly known to us and give us the opportunity to visit their planets."Me - "Uh...he he...that's awesome! I can't wait."

C - "It's going to be amazing. So many good things are going to happen this year."

He then went on to tell me how marijuana is going to be legalized, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Now...the problem isn't that this man believes in aliens. Quite honestly there are a lot of people who do and I'm not going to judge a person based on their core beliefs. I think the problem is me. I don't believe we are communicating with aliens and I don't think there is any chance that 2010 is going to be the year where my husband and I sponsor a little alien exchange student. I actually sat there and pretended like I believed everything he said to me without batting an eye.

Sheesh...I'm such a liar.