Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ode to 2008

Another year...gone. Am I the only one who feels achy and old? Time sifts away "like sands through the hour glass..." and no I haven't become addicted to "Days of Our Lives" since I've been on bed rest thank you very much. I mean c'mon where has the year gone? It's been both the shortest AND longest year of my life. Not to jump on the bandwagon or anything - okay, okay that's exactly what I'm doing - but here are the highlights that have happened to Em-Cat this year...I think my New Year's resolution will be to start referring to myself in 3rd person...

My Alter ego is a Porn Star - The fact of the matter is that some girl is out there pretending to be me AND she's a porn star. I'm still not sure if I should be eccstatic or really creeped out. I kinda feel like Phoebe Buffay and I've just discovered that my evil twin Ursulla is using my name in her porno're right - I should be creeped out. Yeah, that's what I've decided.

I discovered that Ron Paul and I are total homey's - Okay - for all of you who said or even thought I was a "crazy ultra-conservative lunatic" (yes I heard it directly AND indirectly from quite a few people) to be supporting someone who went totally against the grain politically and had the audacity to want to take the country back to its Constitutional roots (Oh that is SO 18th century!) - doesn't his ideals and standards look pretty nice now that our country is in a total downward spiral? I mean we're talking bailouts, a messy war that has totally become Vietnam numero dos and countless other things that I can't even mention because I can't think of them right now (I blame my pregnancy brain - hey whatev, I have two weeks to use that excuse and I'm going to do it dang it!). I just feel happy that I stuck to my guns and voted my conscience, no matter how many people told me I was throwing my vote away. I actually felt at peace after leaving the voting booth and know I did the right thing...SO PA-CHA!

Good bye Uncle Farrell - My mom's brother passed away in April. He was such an amazing Father, Brother, Uncle, Grandfather. He was one of those guys who was very shy and modest and preferred to sit on the sidelines to watch people interract with each other than to do any interraction himself, but once you got him going he was great for a laugh or a nice conversation. He had a full and colorful life and never took his family and friends for granted. He's gone home with his amazing wife Kay and those of us who knew him well are better people for it.

Robbie and I took a trip to the Paraiso de Puerto Rico (I think I sang "I like to be in Ame-ri-ca..." the entire time "I like the city of San Juan...I know a boat you can get on") - It was a total work related trip, but we managed to turn it into a lovely little vay-cay as well. No offense to my PR-peeps, but we were at a bit of a loss. I mean, we totally had a fun time and found cool light houses, explored the old Spanish Fort and fell in LU-OVE with the local comida (our favorite was the tostones and virgin pina coladas). But HELLO - I got eaten to DEATH by mosquitos (BLAST to my sweet blood) and what is up with the policia and ambulancias driving around all day and night with their flashing lights flashing (um aren't you supposed to turn those on in an - oh I don't know - emergency?)? Yeah - and there's this crazy fascination with Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King and Church's Chicken - in that order...every 1/2 mile or so you'd see the same line up of grease pits. We could be driving through the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden there they were - Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King and Church's Chicken. Can you say Pa-sycho? Oh and one other thing - where are the waves of the ocean? They just didn't happen in good ol' PR. Needless to say we love our little Newport Paradise and may just go on vacation HERE next time we need a little R&R.

We made it to our 1 year anniversary!! - I'm still in awe that I actually found THE BEST guy on the planet to marry. Many of you may protest - but it's true - My Robbie IS the best guy even if he's just my best guy. By the time my Robbie came along I thought all the good guys had been taken or were members of my family and I wasn't about to go there...eeeewwww. We spent our anniversary in Moab, Utah. We hiked and enjoyed the scenery and totally perfected dutch oven peach cobbler. We felt like we were roughing it even though we stayed in a cabin with lights and a heater. By "roughing it" I mean we had to walk more than 5 feet to use the public bathroom and shower AND we had to cook our own meals - OUTSIDE mind you. Don't worry - we made it through okay and didn't get any diseases or anything. We had tons o' fun even though it was a little far of a drive for a short weekend.

Clearblue Easy confirmed Robbie's suspicions that I was pregnant...I was acting a little more Psycho-er than normal and the only food items that appealed to me were saltene crakers and gingerale. Every time I complained about morning sickness he sweetly reminded me how gung-ho I was about reproducing...he stopped saying that when I chopped is little pinky-toe off though - luckily I let him keep it so he could have it re-attached*.

*For those of you who don't get my humor - that was a joke - I didn't really chop his pinky toe off...but I would have liked to...

I decided to have a good attitude about being so sick and sooooo pregnant - then I got Kidney Stones and spent 4 days in the hospital feeling like death would be a nice vacation. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Even though I was sure we were going to have a girl...the ultrasound didn't lie - IT'S A BOY!! I didn't know I could be in love with more than one man, but yes I fell madly in love with this little fetus growing inside me. Robbie and I were both so excited when we found out we were having a boy and just the other day we found out that his *ahem* manhood is quite impressive. Needless to say, Robbie is a very proud papa.

I get put on bed rest and get to spend each day focusing on my little J-Dawg. I wasn't happy at first, but realized that this was God's way of giving me an opportunity to serve and sacrifice for my little man. It's truly been a growing experience and I've really felt priviledged to be my little J's mommy. I look forward to being his mommy when he comes to us in this life and on through the eternities.

I Voted Yes on Prop 8. I ain't gonna lie...this has been a tough one for me. I felt so bad (actually the words hurt and angry sum up a little better what I was feeling) about the scrutiny the church was getting for our support of Prop 8, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns and felt confident in my vote. I felt horrible about the protests at the Temples, but this whole experience has taught me to love everyone, despite our difference of opinions. I honestly pray each night that I will love those who are against Prop 8 and it has really made all the difference to me. I've also gained a greater assurance that Thomas S. Monson is truly a prophet of God and I will stand by him through sunshine and storm. I don't have any more hurt or anger over this issue and feel like I understand a little more what it means to love my fellow men.

Well, as I stand on the threshold of motherhood and look back at 2008 I'd say I've learned a lot this year and all I can say to 2009...BRING IT ON BABY!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I Think I Married a Scrooge

Imagine if you will the following scenario...

Me: "I finished putting together the songs for our annual Christmas CD." (note: We give a CD to our friends and family every year instead of a Christmas Card...It's pretty sweet this year if I say so myself.)

My Dear Husband: "Oh that's nice. You do such a good job at that."

Me: "I really want you to listen to the songs. When we get home do you want to listen to it with me?"

MDH: "That's okay. I trust you. I think you did a good job last year."

Me: "Yeah, but don't you want to hear what I picked?"

MDH: "No, I trust you."

Me: "Yeah, but I'd like to see what you think since it's from you just as much as it is from me. Besides you vetoed some songs I picked last year"

MDH: "Well, I know you better than I did last year and I know your picks will be just fine."

Me: "Well how 'bout I make you a copy of the CD and you can listen to it while you're out running errands this afternoon?"

MDH: "Mmmmm....nah...that's okay."

Me: "What? Why not?"

MDH: "I don't really like to listen to that much Christmas music."

Me: "What the...?"

MDH: "Yeah, it's just a little too much cheerfulness for me..."

Me: "Holy crap I married a Scrooge!"

MDH: "NO! I'm just saving myself for Wednesday and Thursday..."

Me: "'re a Scrooge..."

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Promise I'm not Complaining...

I'm feeling like that last post was a bit too whiny! I didn't mean to whine...I just feel bad for all of my 2 blog readers because I'm not filling your life with light-hearted funniness any more and have replaced it with mommy sappiness. Either your relieved because I'm so NOT funny, or your sad because you feel like I'm one of the greatest comic minds on the planet. If it's the first then your welcome. If it's the second then you really need to get out more...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I think bed-rest has made me extremely UN-funny...

I used to joke with my dad that when he had open-heart surgery they took his sense of humor out and forgot to put it back in...seriously the man tells THE DUMBEST jokes on the planet and I swear he's the only one who thinks they're funny. I think the rest of us only laugh because his jokes were so NOT-funny yet he laughs pretty hard at them.

I'm looking at myself in the mirror (figuratively) and I find that I no longer have anything funny or witty to write on this blog-o-mine. It could be because I spend hours/days/weeks/months years/decades/millenia in this little box decorated with Christmas everywhere and very rarely get to go outside. All the while wondering if the goofy Em-Cat of yester-year will ever return or if the sense of humor fairy will completely revoke my crazy-self once the kid shoots out and replace it with sentimental mommy-ness.

I guess we'll just have to see. In the mean time, continue to enjoy the sentimental CRAP I give you, because seriously folks - it's all I have to work with!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Wanna Pee Your Pants?

THIS is seriously the funniest blog post I've EVER read...

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Legacy of the Red Bicycle

It was a beautiful June morning in 2007. The sun shone bright; a lovely but rare occasion considering most mornings were filled with the “June Glooms” of Southern California during this time of the year. A young bride and her beloved groom strode contentedly through rows and rows of goods being sold at the crowded and bustling swap meet. The world seemed the most delightful place to this bride. How could it be otherwise? Nothing could “rain on her parade” in this moment.

It seemed lately that her life was filled with beautiful moments. The man of her dreams had finally arrived at her proverbial doorstep. He entered her life and promptly swept her off her feet. From the moment he walked into the room, his blue eyes pierced her and his smile made her melt into a puddle of pathetic mud. It wasn’t long before she knew that no other man could ever make her happier and she knew that he would be hers forever…long before he even knew!

From the moment of their first kiss, this groom wanted nothing more than to make his bride happy. He built things for her from his own hands to make certain that her life was filled with beauty and simplicity. He made sure that if she were ever in need of anything, that those needs would be fulfilled promptly and completely. Mostly though, it was her wants that he made sure were always tended to. The young bride knew that if she wanted some chocolate, her groom would do anything in his power to make sure she had the chocolate. This is why on this particular Saturday morning in June they sauntered through the aisles of the swap meet looking for that one special thing.

The young bride had a vision of what she was looking for. It had to be red with a basket and a bell. The bell couldn’t be any ordinary bell, it needed to be a happy bell that would remind her and everyone around her what she felt in her heart at that moment.

The couple came upon a booth filled with every bicycle imaginable and instantly the bride was in heaven. She tried a few on for size and finally found THE one. The bright fire-engine red color was the first thing that caught her eye and then the cute little white hyacinths on the side and the red and white seat captivated her and she knew there was no other bicycle in the world that would do. There wasn’t a basket or a bell, but that problem was quickly remedied by the nice little Asian guy who showed them the variety of bells and baskets to choose from. As the bride took this bike for a little spin around the swap meet, she knew it was the one for her. The groom found one to suit him and they were off with their new purchases.

The next year was filled with memories. There were long lazy days at the beach, twilight rides through the neighborhood and lazy Sunday afternoons spent on their bicycles. Miles and miles had been ridden together with her groom composing moment after moment that the young bride would cherish forever. She never wanted those moments to end, and never really thought they would.

Then something happened that would change the couple’s lives forever. There was a baby on the way. They still felt like newlyweds and still rode their bicycles every chance they could. The thought entered both their minds that they would like to include their little baby on their bicycling escapades. They began making plans to add a baby carriage to the back of the bicycles and the thought came to the groom that they would need more than just beach-cruiser bicycles, but they would need bicycles with gears that were equipped to pull a baby carriage behind. The bride immediately protested. It wasn’t just the bicycle she didn’t want to give up, it was the memories.

Time for the baby to come came closer and closer and the groom felt it was time to find a new home for the bicycles. He found some newlyweds who wanted them and could continue their legacy.

The bride wept…and wept…and WEPT. She felt like these bicycles were a symbol of couple’s newlywed status. They symbolized the time they spent together, the year and a half of just the two of them. She didn’t weep for the material things that these bicycles were, but for the love and memories that they symbolized – for times now past and for an unsure, but bright future. She truly knew the bicycles had found a good home and was grateful, but wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of the meaning they had. Somehow though, she had to let go, move on and grow from a new bride to a wife and a mother.