Friday, December 21, 2007

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
from the Gleason Family!

I just couldn't resist posting this photo of Robbie at around 10 years old. Robbie and I sat laughing at it for about 10 minutes. That poor Santa Claus probably couldn't feel his legs after the photo was taken. I'm a little frightened to bare his children!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very safe and happy New Year!

Em-Cat and Robbie

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I know I'm a slacker...

...and I was reminded of the fact by my friend K8 who commented on my last post (which was clear back on November 2nd mind you)..."Your lack of writing sucks." K8 - that was a wake up call. Especially since I've had so many things on my mind that I've wanted to write about.

I'm not going to give you all the excuses I have for not writing anything on my blog for over a month...let me tell you they're GOOD excuses...I'll just try to pick up where I left off!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Only in Southern California Can You...

Get the best Mongolian BBQ in the the grungiest, most rat infested place ever...With waitresses who've worked there for over 30 years. Don't worry - no dog served at this place...California cracked down on that in the 80's.

Have 80 degree weather with light breezes on Christmas Day (OK maybe that happens in other places, but I've only had Christmas in two other locations, so give me a break!)

Have a Hollywood Screenwriters Strike that gets the news people saying things like "industry crippling" and "reruns" and "impact." I don't know how I feel about millionaires asking for more money and striking about it. Too bad the guild won't pay them $200 per week like the auto worker's union...cheapskates...Those writers will have to sit in their Hollywood mansions thinking about how they're going to pay their bills in 40 years when their money runs out.

There is a sad part to this...couch potatoes are going to have to get their butts of the couch and peek out the window. When it really gets bad, they're going to actually have to walk outside and exercise their muscles...hope they don't choke on the fresh air. Hey - at least we have youtube.

See a middle age, well dressed woman, standing at the end of a freeway off-ramp holding a sign that says "I need rent money."

Drive through certain parts of South Orange County where road-raged old men flip you off and land on their horn every time you exit a parking happened to me 3 times last week...I swear - old people hate me...except my daddy of course...

Drive south on Interstate 5 through Camp Pendleton and see a sign that essentially says
"Watch out for Mexicans."

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I'm a brat...Melissa and Cecily, I'm doing this against my will. Hey - at least I'm doing it. And YES I know that it's been far too long since I've posted. What can I say? I have a life!

I don't know enough fellow bloggers to tag back, so I'm just going to tag as many as I know. Too bad...I'm sure some meteor will smash down on me for breaking the rules of this tag, but hey - I'm taking my chances.

Ok, stuff about me...let's see:

  • After an amazing concert filled with middle-aged lunatics, I followed Neil Diamond to his hotel in downtown SLC. We weren't sure we had the right place until we saw the bell boys running around outside and the security guards getting everything ready at the elevators. A big bus arrived outside and one by one Neil's band filed out...And then I saw him...he had a hat on (the one that paper boys used to wear in the 1920's), big dark sunglasses (even though it was 10 at night) and he was smoking a big old stogy. My friend and I (who was also 21 at the time) started jumping up and down and crying and yelling "Neil! Neil! I LOVE YOU!!!". He couldn't keep his eyes off us (probably because we were the only women there under the age of 45) and pointed at us and said in his smoker, sexy raspy sort of way,"I love you too babe" and blew us a little kiss. The only thing that made it better was that the security guard that shielded us from Neil kept saying that he was going to "escort" us out if we got any closer...OH...and I ran into his bongo drummer after the hubub died down and he obliged me with a hug.
  • I can do a cartwheel in a skirt without showing much skin...I learned that in Uruguay. Imagine an Uruguayo peering out his/her window and seeing this crazy gringa missionary doing cartwheels in a skirt...No wonder no one wanted to listen to me...
  • I once dated the Utah State Yo-Yo Champion...a very black spot in my dating career.
  • I can do excellent impressions of an Indian call, a gorilla call, a monkey call and my mother...not that she sounds like an Indian, gorilla or monkey.
  • I used to clog when I was little and can still do the dance we did to "What A Feelin'" from Flashdance...though I think this version is much better than the one I danced to:

  • I'm totally addicted to my husband...the poor guy can't use the bathroom without me poking my head in and saying "Whacha doin?" But isn't he so cute? It really makes me happy things didn't work out with the yo yo guy.


  • I'm a daredevil - I've jumped off cliffs, traveled to Europe alone, water skied barefoot, I'll try any food or non food put in front of me - regardless of the color or smell...the one thing that freaks me out though is that moment before I get in front of an audience to sing...I become a mess and almost wet myself.
There you have it...7 things about there! I tag:

Shana, Sabrina, Katie and Catherine

Have fun girls...and just do it - there's no getting around these things.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Is it really all about being healthy? some it is, to other's it's about putting on a show.

Does anyone know what a "Health Nut" is? Have you ever seen one? What is the definition of a "Health Nut"? I've checked and even the Urban Dictionary and neither seem the be the wiser. I'm on a quest to define this term.

The Proverbial Health Food Shopper

If you haven't already guessed, I live my life bouncing around from health food store to health food store. It's amazing how people think you're more informed than their doctor...wait...I am more informed than their doctor...anyhoo...People are always coming up to me asking questions and when they find out that I'm a rep - well - let's just say I become "Super Doctor Emily" - knower of all knowledge and ailments. People are always asking me questions about what they should take for this, and what they can do about that...

Most often it's someone who is looking for something to help with their bowel movements...I'm not sure if I really want to go into details here, but it's amazing how open people are about what occurs after they stand up, wipe and look into the the cold porcelain abyss (aka the toilet). I'm not even phased now when someone begins a sentence with..."I know this sounds gross, but..."

I've become did this happen? It all started with the following story.

Long before I became a rep, I worked customer service at a company that should remain nameless...not because I'm worried about confidentiality...I just don't think they deserve to be named. One day, I unwittingly answered a call and the conversation went something like this:

"Nameless Corporation That Doesn't Deserved to be Named, this is Emily how may I help you?"

"...uuuuuuhhhhhh...I thought a guy would answer..."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I wanted to comment on one of your products but I'm a little embarrassed to tell this to a girl. Is there a guy there I can talk to?"

"Hmmm...let's see. There's one guy who works in this department, but he just stepped out. Is there something you'd like to tell me? I promise I won't laugh and I'll write down your comment so our executives can take a look at it. They always want to know feedback from our consumers."

"Okay, if you're sure you won't laugh..."

"I promise sir"

"Well, I've been taking your ViraMax (this is an herbal product, similar to Viagra - P.S. Don't you hate their guys really sit around singing about how they can't get it up) and I tell you - it works SO WELL!!"

"That's great sir."

"I mean, it's not like I have a problem in that area or anything."

"Of course not..."

"But, after I took your product, my Little General stood right at attention!"

"Your 'little general'?"

"That's right...I was so proud of him I almost shed a tear."

"...You shed a that general with a capital 'G'?"


(More "Health Nut" stories to be continued...)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Grandma and Emily circa 1977

On the evening of October 9, 2000 I walked into a hospital room to be with my grandmother as she died. Almost all of her family members were at her side. Before she slipped into a coma, she couldn't seem to believe that so many of us were there and had remembered to be with her at this time. A bit of remorse filled my heart when I heard this. I should have spent more time with her. I hoped that she knew how much we all loved her.

My brother Don had previously given her a blessing. He told her it was all right to die. We knew we would see her again. He told her that grandpa was "anxiously awaiting [her] arrival."

As we stood in the room surrounding Grandma's bed, our grandfather's presence was felt so keenly that each of us knew that this family would remain bound together even after this life. We had all been taught this simple truth, but somehow, this experience solidified it. My Grandpa's presence was so real that I thought if I turned my head a certain way, I'd see him standing there, smiling back at me. I knew I needed to do whatever I could to stay faithful and and progress in every way possible so that I could be with my family forever and one day see Grandma again. She enriched my life so fully and every single member of the family was blessed to have known this amazing woman.

As Grandma drew closer to death, her breathing became more and more labored. I felt like she was holding on to her last chance at life. Everyone in the room began to cheer her on and tell her that it was all right to leave us...we would see her again. All of a sudden she became peaceful, her breathing calmed and it was almost as if a light shone round her body...and then she was gone. Her spirit lingered there for a moment. Encircling each of us in her love, whispering to everyone how how happy she was to be our mother, our grandmother, our sister.

I leaned in to give her one last kiss and to tell her I loved her. Her body was cold, but I knew she was close by.

Grandma's sister was in the waiting room with her daughter. Aunt Kay had Alzheimer's Disease and didn't fully understand what was going on, but she insisted on being with her sister. She went into grandma's room where she was told that grandma had passed away. She quietly sat down next to grandma's bed and began stroking her hair. As she stroked and stroked she didn't say a word. All of a sudden her stroking became a little too much and grandma's eyes popped open. Everyone in the room was a little startled by this, but Aunt Kay got a big smile on her face and said, "Well, hi honey!" Amidst all the tears we had a good laugh. Grandma...I know you were laughing too!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


My life goes on in endless song
Above earths lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from Singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from Singing?

When tyrants tremble in their fear
An hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?

Traditional Shaker Hymn

I was listening to NPR the other day and Martin Sheen was on "Prairie Home Companion" he sang the above song to show his support to the people of Burma. I was extremely touched and haven't been able to get the song out of my mind since. I pray for the Buddhist Monks who desire freedom for their country and people.

One journalist editorialized on the subject.

"It takes a lot to make a Buddhist monk mad. That's one of the reasons why the image of thousands of them marching through the streets in Burma, protesting their lives under decades of brutal military rule, has sparked such international outrage.

"And maybe that's one of the reasons why the thugs that rule Burma don't want the world to see pictures of their response: The monks' dead bodies floating in the river, rotting in the jungle, and fallen in the public square." (Editorial, San Francisco Chronicle, pg B6)

These atrocities are appalling to us as freedom-loving Americans. But I pose these questions for you to think about. Are we as Americans, who love democracy and fiercely defend it when faced with opposition, really free from governmental restrictions? Do the laws of today truly reflect what our inspired forefathers envisioned? Are our leaders really upholding the inspired Constitution of the United States of America? Does the federal government have too much power, when the constitution gave power to each individual state? By removing God from our schools, public meetings and government, are we leading ourselves down a path to destruction?

These are things I'm constantly thinking about and would love to read your opinion...

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Traffic School

I love cheesing it with an orange rind in my mouth...It's so Liberating!

Yeah, it's been a few since my first post. I know I should have been over excited and posted like 9 times already. I have a good excuse though...I sat on my arse from 7am to 4:30pm on Saturday for traffic school. I can't tell you how depressing it was to sit under fluorescent lighting for an entire Saturday listening to someone drone on about California traffic laws. Did you know that I break the law with my car at least 30 times a day? I don't think I'm going to stop...just to spite the system. Hey! They made me waste a perfectly good Saturday and I'm getting them back by not signaling when I change lanes or putting my makeup on when I drive. Ha! So there!

The good thing about it was that the class occurred in Southern California (lots 'o weirdos down here) and I took some great notes on the people and situations around me. You may want to remove any young children from the room before reading the rest of this post (Heather Taylor - since you have an impressionable fetus growing inside of you, you may want to use caution before proceeding)...People in California are worse than the lunatics who run Rocky Point Haunted House!

The Lady to my Left

I figured that since all I had to do was stay awake, I'd take this opportunity to do a little writing. The problem with this was that I was in a room of about 150 people who were as bored out of their minds as I was and they had nothing better to do but to take a look at what I was doing. The person to my left thought it rather strange I should want to take notes in the class. Since we were crammed in like a couple of sardines on their wedding night, she felt she had no choice than to keep an eye on me and what I was writing. Have you ever wanted to do something that would shock the people around you? I was this close (imagine me holding up my index finger and thumb about a millimeter apart) to cuddling up to her, putting my head on her shoulder and asking her to sing me her rendition of "Yankee Doodle Dandy" know, for shock value.

She was also extremely appalled that I had the gall to weigh over 99 lbs. This is Southern California for heavens sake! Why on earth would anyone let themselves weigh 110 lbs!?!? (I've changed my weight to protect the innocent) My curves must've bothered her because she couldn't help but roll her eyes at me every 20 seconds. Oh! and it was ALL OVER when I had to climb over her to use the rest room. Instead of standing up and moving into the isle, she would rather watch me trip over her knees (that reached all the way to the seat in front of her, by the way) hurtle myself toward her and literally fall into her lap before I could compose myself and move my curvy body into the isle. (I think she secretly enjoyed it, who knows she could have been a lesbian)

I LOVE Sunlight!

When I've been cooped up in a fluorescently lit court room for four hours the sun is a welcome ray of heat and light. As I walk into the beautiful Southern California heat all my feeling begins to return to my body. The boredom dissipates, the helplessness is replaced with feelings of joy and emotion. Happiness rushes back into my body like a broken dam...the water waiting to surge out to freedom - pent up in its prison for far too long. The sun lifts my mood to levels of near euphoria...NOTHING can bring me down from this state of joy...nothing EXCEPT a fluorescently lit court room where boredom abounds. (Sigh) Back to traffic school.

Thoughts on Life

My life is an open book. I have no secrets from anyone or anything. Of course my life is full of sacred things that I hold dear to my heart - things I don't publish to the world. But, as far as secrets go, I don't think I have any. I'm happy to talk to you about my bowel movements...that is if you'll listen. I had a great one this morning, by the way. I hear that if the poo're doing something right. I must be doing A LOT of somethings right. Just remember - you took the risk of reading this...

Make-up? Friend or Foe?
Disclamer: I'm really not that judgmental...I just couldn't help writing the following!

I truly believe that we are all God's Children and he loves us all equally. I also believe that we are all beautiful in our own way...some of us just take our "beautification" a little too far. There's something unsettling when you're faced with someone who looks like she should have her own cartoon show on Saturday morning. Honestly, the photo to the left is the one image I could find that looked even remotely close to this woman. I'm glad she was wearing make-up...sort of? But I ask you one question. Why on earth would you wear so much eye make-up that you put Sephora out of business to enhance your already frog-like eyes? If she's been doing plastic surgery...honey - you were fine the way you were. On top of all the eye there a reason she just HAD to pluck her eyebrows into oblivion, then color them in with the darkest eyeliner she could find (she's probably BFF's with Angelica Houston). This I do know...she chose "Hooker Red" for her lips, because she's probably training to become a hooker...

Did I learn ANYTHING from Traffic School?

Probably not. But I did write down this acronym:



I think I have a better one though...

Some day
Idiots will not
Piss me off because I'm
Determined to
Eliminate everyone behind a wheel who isn't me...

If you have a better one...please share. I need a good laugh!

Friday, September 28, 2007


Ahhhh...Robbie is so HANDSOME!

I drive everywhere...well, all over Southern California. That's what I do, it's part of my job description. I can't say I do it well. A $300 traffic violation and 8 hours in traffic school are teaching me that it isn't worth it to drive over 90 on the freeways of Southern California (drive anywhere below 89 and you're home free...the cops just ignore you). Anyhoo...focus Emily...focus...

So I was driving the stretch of the 5 freeway through Camp Pendleton (So. Cal's marine base) and I started thinking, "I wish I were more creative...I used to be...I was such a good writer in college...HEY BUDDY - WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING...Idiot cut me off...I wish I could think of something to write about..." DUM DUM DUM (Drum Roll) - and that's when inspiration struck. I knew I needed to write something about my maternal grandmother - then I swerved passed another crazy lunatic. Why don't people drive as well as I do?

Grandma had such an amazing life. I called my mom later on in the day to run the idea by her and she said "You need to be more careful on those Southern California freeways." No wait that's what she says every other time I call her. She actually said, "Yeah, grandma did have an amazing life. You'd be surprised how interesting your own life is if you sat down to write about it."

So there you go. I'm dedicating this blog to my failing creativity. I've got to find my inner creative child. I've got to have an outlet to post all my crazy ideas and mind wanderings. One day my creativity will flourish and I'll be an amazing writer who has so much money she's richer than the queen of England...wait, isn't that the Harry Potter lady?

Please tell me what you think...I'll be praying, hoping, waiting with baited breath to read your ideas and get your feedback as to how I can bring this dream of becoming a writer to fruition.

Happy Blogging...