Does My Writing Suck?

Dear Mr. GreenBags...cough...Green Peace...cough...cough,

I do have a minute for the environment, but I'm not giving you money or signing my life away to help you get the "numbers" you need to make yourself feel good and your bosses feel good. So can I just ask you to stop chasing me out of the stores I'm REQUIRED to visit for my job? No, you don't have to follow me to my car and yell after me that it's my duty as a citizen of the world for me to save the baby seals of Antarctica and shame on me for not giving $500 to support the cause...cough...pay your salary...cough. Honestly - If I gave $5 to every Joe Green who stands outside health food stores, I'd have to stand at the end of freeway exits with a sign that says "Green Peace Took All My Money."

Environmentally Yours,
Em-Cat


Dear Guy in a Wheel Chair Who Rings A Bell for a Good Cause,

I don't know if you were paying attention to the letter I wrote to Mr. Green Bags, but I have to cross a line so I can give food to my little munchkin who doesn't really like food, but needs to eat anyway. Like I told you before...I visit stores like this all day long and maybe I can afford 25 cents to all the 20,000 stores I see per month, but I can also use that money to pay my rent and feed the beast. So, please don't yell at me and tell me I'm a jerk. Seriously - it won't make me want to give you my quarter because you're being so mean by yelling at me. Not that you need to know - I give to lots of people in need, so don't tell me I'm a cold, un-caring person just because I kept my quarter.

Philanthropically yours,
Em-Cat

P.S. I'm sorry you're in a wheel chair.

Dear Miss Good Cause,

Yes I am a registered voter and no I don't want to sign your petition to give puppies the ability to file suit against their masters for the right to chew all the shoes they want, because it's a natural, carnal desire that puppies are entitled to do because they were born that way. Sorry - I don't feel like giving you my credit card number, social security number or the type of shampoo I use. Oh - and could you remember my face so that when I have to go back and forth from the store to my car (because as a SALES REP that's what I do) various times you don't ask me to sign again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

Mkay...Thanks...bye

Em-Cat