Happy Birthday to Me!

Yeah - it's my birthday and I'm telling the world about it. I'm not ashamed. I'm going to say to the world -"Hey world! I'm 33 today and I want you all to tell me how fabulous I am because - it's my birthday and I deserve to be showered with fabulous comments." In true blogger fashion, I'm going to tell you at least 33 fabulous things about me (because I'm narcissistic like that) and as my present you can say one nice thing about me in the comments section...actually if you want to say a mean thing about me then go ahead, but remember - that would be mean.

1. My 30th birthday was the worst day of my life because I thought that by turning 30 I would a) Never have the chance to get married and b) never have the chance to have children...Both of those things came true and I'm eatin' my words people.

2. I've had a crush on Larry Mullen Jr. since I was like 10.

Most people don't know who he is and if you don't - shame on you. He's the one who formed U2 everyone - NOT Bono. I told Robbie that I've loved Larry longer than I've loved him, but definitely not as much. This was my Christmas present and shows you how much my husband loves me:

3. When I was 21, I went to a Neil Diamond concert and found out which hotel he was staying at. I hung out in the lobby until his bus rolled in (that should be a line from a song) and screamed "I LOVE YOU NEIL" at the top of my lungs when I saw him. A security guard warned me that he'd have to escort me out if I got any closer to Mr. Diamond. I ignored him then I went and hugged Neil's bongo drummer...it was a great day. By the way - my friend and I were the only women there under the age of 47 & 1/2 and Neil kept giving us the "I love you" sign.4. I've given this man a handshake. If you don't know who he is - again - shame on you. He wrote one of the most beloved Christmas songs. He's a jazz legend people. It was an amazing experience and one that would have to be given it's own post to explain...

5. I went on a business trip to Spain and France all by myself and it was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on. I visited all the places I wanted to and didn't have to worry about anyone else. I seriously debated whether or not to backpack across Europe by myself after that and I don't know why I didn't...Great - now I'm bummed.

6. I'm somewhat of a daredevil (in the North American sense of course) and will try almost anything once. I've jumped off cliffs, eaten cow stomach and tongue and have time and time again left my comfort zone in order to try new things and face change in the...well...face (ie move by myself to California - specifically Long Beach which can be very scary).

7. I secretly think my husband can be a little overly cautious. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, because he's definitely going to be reading this tonight. I LOVE YOU ROBBIE!

8. I always get the winter blues which is partially why I've always been so happy to live in Southern California - because it's never winter here. I'm so happy to live in the land of eternal sunshine and only miss the snow when I get a hankering to go snowboarding.
9. I hiked the Subway in Zion National Park with some friends. My friend's friend's dad (get that?) insisted on going with us and slowed us down so much that we got stuck in the canyon overnight. They told us not to light fires, but we did anyway because we were STUCK IN A CANYON OVER NIGHT with nothing on but our swim suits and shorts (there are various parts where you have to wade through water up to your neck). The next morning, my friend's friend (can you tell I didn't like her?) totally got us lost and I almost fell off a cliff - yeah, she said she knew where she was going...I still haven't forgiven her.

10. During another Zion trip, I repelled down slot canyons with some friends and had a lovely time. Again we were running late and would've had to stay the night in the canyon again (why do I associate with people like this?) this time it was the Narrows. As we were rushing to get out of the canyon, a girl in our group was trying to find a short cut when she almost fell off a cliff. My friend almost fell off a cliff trying to save her. (I now can see why Robbie is so cautious...I've been really stupid.)

11. I have a blue dot on my forehead because this unnamed person *cough*Stephanie Graves*cough* and I were joking around in 9th grade math class. It got a bit sarcastic...okay it got a LOT sarcastic...and I threw out a comment that even got the teacher laughing. She was so embarrassed that all she could do was throw a pencil. It lodged itself into my forehead and broke off and from that time forth I've been cursed with a blue dot. I can't say I really liked Stephanie Graves after that. Should I mention that I hold grudges for decades?...Nah!

12. I hate green beans and gag at the sight or thought of them...even when I'm not pregnant.

13. I try to have a good attitude about things that are out of my control. I learned to do this on my mission in Uruguay, because I hated it for the first 6 months and had to decide to be happy.

14. I love Snowboarding.

15. I love Waterskiing.

16. After almost 3 years of working on it, I've almost memorized the piano piece "Clair de Lune" by Claude Debussey. I'm not the greatest pianist in the world so the mere fact that I can actually play it is a miracle in and of itself - because it's not the easiest piece in the world to learn.

17. I LOVE my calling in church (primary chorister) and feel so bad that I haven't been able to do anything about it for the past 4 months due to bedrest and having an infant who can't go out into groups.

18. My favorite color is purple (most days) and other days it's red.

19. In its prime, I was a closet "Saved by the Bell" fan.

20. My life is a musical. You might be able to say almost anything and I'll find a song to go with it.

21. On my mission, I was my companion's radio. They would request a song and I would sing it. Sometimes I would even dance for them.

22. My stake president was my OB and I didn't feel a bit weird about it...okay - sometimes I did...

23. I'm the 6th out of 7 children and my siblings call me the golden child - because that's what I am...I am golden. I wasn't the favorite per se - that title went to JJ (even though my mom denies having a favorite).

24. I'm my mother-in-law's favorite daughter-in-law...I won't mention the fact that I'm her only daughter-in-law.

25. When I was in single's wards in my 20's I was the FHE Freak-Show. I would do my impersonation of a fountain (I have a great slit in my teeth to spit water through) or belt out "Johnny One Note" (always a crowd pleaser).

26. Did I mention I LOVE attention?

27. I dated a guy who was once crowned the Utah State Yo-Yo Champ who LOVED wearing capes...yeah - one of the darker eras of my life. I'm so glad I didn't make THAT mistake!

28. My favorite place in the world is Deer Lake, Washington. It's heaven to me.

29. I met my Robbie 3 months after getting the answer to my prayers to drop everything in Utah and move to Southern California.

30. Even though Robbie and I sell different things, we have essentially the same geographical territory and have lunch together most days (that is when I am actually out in the field working).

31. Robbie kissed me on our 5th date on a beach at sunset...it couldn't have been more perfect.This was taken the day after Robbie first kissed me. Notice the rug burn on my chin...yeah - he needs to shave more!

32. I love this face more than life itself:

33. I love this face more than life itself. He is my light and my joy and makes me laugh and smile every day. He is the reason I get up every morning and the last thing I see before I close my eyes to sleep at night. He is my best friend. I love you Robbie.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Good News!

If you're a member of the G-Fam super secret blog, go here for the good news! If you're not a member and want to be (as long as I know who you are), send me your e-mail...

BREAKING NEWS - CONSPIRACY REVEALED

NEW YORK,NY Upon further investigation into the US Airways flight 1549 crash, new information has been obtained through anonymous sources. According to these sources, the Suicide Afgeesenistani Terrorists have brought down US Airways flight 1549, not innocent and freedom-loving geese. This information has been covered up by the US Government.

Using technology obtained from Hamas in the Geeza-Isreal engagement during the first few weeks of 2009, the terrorists have utilized Technical and Avian Armaments (T&A’s) that include stealth camouflage technologies which stimulate native migratory birds. In its infancy, this technology was limited in attack to land bound slow-moving objects.

Top secret footage has been acquired through connections with current and former American officials, outside experts, international nuclear inspectors and European and Israeli officials. This footage, as shown below, was known to be in the hands of terrorists ever since the 7 day Canadio-Hamas incident on the small Canadian fishing village of Gloznok in the early 1960’s. Though not to the level of technology that took down US Airways flight 1549, the following T&A was in its infancy and was limited directly to civilian and small land based vehicles.

The reality is that the military industrial complex of the Arab states has been hard at work and has now perfected attacks against US Military personnel and aircraft with the use of seagulls. This attack was sporadically documented by MTV in the 1980’s during the pop-music era. Legitimate media coverage was never given to the American public but was only encountered in covert Cold War operations via subliminal messaging throughout Asia, Europe, Africa, South America, Australia, North America, and Antarctica.

As seen above, this revelation of the new domestic security steps taken, according to George Bush, to “protect the homeland from the Axis of Evil,” seem to be nothing more than propaganda of the US Government to cover up the problem. This proves the theory that not only terrorist seagulls, but also terrorist geese are attacking our nation and its citizens at the full knowledge and participation of the US Government.

America is Under Attack!

*Hamas has refused to comment on this exclusive photo of US Airways Flight 1549 prior to release*

Editors Note: I, Em-Cat, am known as a field contributor/editor in the above article. My husband has been working on this piece for at least 36 hours straight, and even though it may be only funny in his head, it's been absolutely delightful to hear him giggle every 30 to 60 seconds as it has made its way from his brain to the page.

RandEM-CATs - Pregnancy Style

I think I've just been enlightened. I've decided that whenever I have a crazy random thought or funny dream or I just want to get something off my chest, I'm going to give you a few "RandEM-CAT's" - clever title huh? Yeah - that's probably only clever in my head...

So without further ado, Here are a few RandEM's for your reading pleasure...

1. What is UP with 80 degrees in January? I didn't think I'd be sweating like a pregnant cow in the MIDDLE OF JANUARY!!! Say a girl gets pregnant in oh - I don't know - April and thinks "ROCK ON! I don't have to suffer through the heat my last trimester because I'M DUE IN JANUARY!!!! Have I mentioned that it's JANUARY and it's 80 degrees AND I'm sweating and I'M DUE TOMORROW - TOMORROW FOLKS!!!! Okay - I think you've had enough of CAPS and exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!)


2. If you know my real name isn't Em-Cat and you're one of my super-cool secret friends and you haven't thought to check my super-cool secret blog for a while, go here for the 411 on how my prego-self is doing. If you are all of the above and haven't gotten an invite to my super-cool blog let me know and I'll add you to my list of peeps.


3. Have you checked out this blog? If you haven't and you love to get fun, clever ideas - I think it would be in your best interest to check it every day like me. Did I mention that I obsessively check blogs? Sometimes I check them like 3 times a day - that's how pathetic bed rest has made me. Oh - this is another blog that will make you belly-laugh at least once a day - that is, if you like a good belly-laugh, which I do.


4. Okay - this last one just made me laugh and I had to share it with y'all...it has nothing to do with me or my pregnancy, other than I can relate because pregnancy has made me a complete idiot. P.S. I totally stole it from another blog, but whatev - if you haven't figured out yet that I'm an utterly shameless idea-stealer, then I think you can just go check someone else's honest and scrupulous blog.
   

My Burden

The following post has terminology indicitive of my status as a member of the LDS church. If you aren't a member of the church and would like to know the meaning of some of the words I use go here and/or here.

Yesterday I had a mini breakdown. Remember when I said that I was going to have a happy pregnancy and that I was going to have a good attitude about bed rest? I think I've done a pretty good job with both of those tasks, but yesterday was just one of those days. I found myself saying words I've heard my mother use over and over again..."I can't live like this anymore!!!" When my mother used these words, she usually meant her house was way too messy - well that was the reason I used those words yesterday. My pregnancy horemones give me anxiety over a few messy dishes in the sink or a disorganized countertop - either that or I'm just an anal clean freak (it's most likely the former). I started thinking about it though, and began to feel the heavy burden this pregnancy has been. I knew I had reached a breaking point and that I was ready to be done with all of the trials I've been enduring over the last 9 months. It reminded me of a lesson I learned not too long ago.

I've said before that I thought I waisted my 20 something years waiting. I was waiting for my eternal companion to come along, waiting and wondering why God would make me stay single for so much longer than almost all of my friends. I feel like I wasted my time waiting rather than living my life to its fullest potential. Each time I would complain about my single status to my mother, she would always say "You need to give your burden over to the Lord and everything will work out how it needs to work out." I would reply with something like, "But I've already done that so why don't I feel any better?" The fact is that I really didn't fully give my burden to the Savior, I kept a part of it with me, because I was, I think, afraid of letting go entirely of something that had been my companion for so many years, no matter how miserable it made me.

My 30th birthday was one of the hardest days of my life because I thought it was all over. I thought 30 was the point where few, if any, Mormon women had the chance to find the one they would be sealed to forever. After that, I decided to be happy with how my life had turned out and that I would cherish all of the good things life had to offer. Not long after that I had a discussion with my Heavenly Father where I truly gave the burden of my singularity over to my Savior and I felt more happy and liberated than I had ever felt before. I felt light and free from the cross that had held me down for so long. Three months later, my Robbie entered my life, I think, because I had finally learned what Heavenly Father was trying to teach me. I'm not saying that if you're single, this is how to get a man, but it was the way I was finally able to be happy and content with my life.

So there I sat yesterday, feeling the weight and burden of this pregnancy and all I could think of was how tired I was of it all. The sickness, the kidney stones, the ER/hospital visit, the early labor, the gestational diabetes, the high blood pressure and the scare that all of this may affect and/or harm my baby. I can't say it's been easy to bear - in fact it's been down right difficult and yesterday I didn't feel like I could endure any longer and wondered why the Lord chose me to deal with it all.

Then I started to think about my discussion with Heavenly Father a few short years ago and I remembered that I learned that lesson for a reason. Being single wasn't the one last burden I would ever have to bear in this life. There would be others, many others and the lesson I learned would need to sustain me through all of them. So I know it's time, again, to get on my knees and have another discussion with my Father to, yet again, hand this burden over to my Savior. If I didn't, wouldn't his death and atonement for my sins and afflictions be in vain? This is why He came to this world, to be the one perfect being who could suffer and atone for all of us. He is the reason why we don't have to "live like this anymore." The only one who could truly understand and empathize with all of the trials and suffering that come with being alive. I can only say now that I am grateful for the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that I always have someone to go to when I feel my load is too heavy to bear.

Ode to 2008

Another year...gone. Am I the only one who feels achy and old? Time sifts away "like sands through the hour glass..." and no I haven't become addicted to "Days of Our Lives" since I've been on bed rest thank you very much. I mean c'mon where has the year gone? It's been both the shortest AND longest year of my life. Not to jump on the bandwagon or anything - okay, okay that's exactly what I'm doing - but here are the highlights that have happened to Em-Cat this year...I think my New Year's resolution will be to start referring to myself in 3rd person...

My Alter ego is a Porn Star - The fact of the matter is that some girl is out there pretending to be me AND she's a porn star. I'm still not sure if I should be eccstatic or really creeped out. I kinda feel like Phoebe Buffay and I've just discovered that my evil twin Ursulla is using my name in her porno videos...you're right - I should be creeped out. Yeah, that's what I've decided.

I discovered that Ron Paul and I are total homey's - Okay - for all of you who said or even thought I was a "crazy ultra-conservative lunatic" (yes I heard it directly AND indirectly from quite a few people) to be supporting someone who went totally against the grain politically and had the audacity to want to take the country back to its Constitutional roots (Oh that is SO 18th century!) - doesn't his ideals and standards look pretty nice now that our country is in a total downward spiral? I mean we're talking bailouts, a messy war that has totally become Vietnam numero dos and countless other things that I can't even mention because I can't think of them right now (I blame my pregnancy brain - hey whatev, I have two weeks to use that excuse and I'm going to do it dang it!). I just feel happy that I stuck to my guns and voted my conscience, no matter how many people told me I was throwing my vote away. I actually felt at peace after leaving the voting booth and know I did the right thing...SO PA-CHA!

Good bye Uncle Farrell - My mom's brother passed away in April. He was such an amazing Father, Brother, Uncle, Grandfather. He was one of those guys who was very shy and modest and preferred to sit on the sidelines to watch people interract with each other than to do any interraction himself, but once you got him going he was great for a laugh or a nice conversation. He had a full and colorful life and never took his family and friends for granted. He's gone home with his amazing wife Kay and those of us who knew him well are better people for it.

Robbie and I took a trip to the Paraiso de Puerto Rico (I think I sang "I like to be in Ame-ri-ca..." the entire time "I like the city of San Juan...I know a boat you can get on") - It was a total work related trip, but we managed to turn it into a lovely little vay-cay as well. No offense to my PR-peeps, but we were at a bit of a loss. I mean, we totally had a fun time and found cool light houses, explored the old Spanish Fort and fell in LU-OVE with the local comida (our favorite was the tostones and virgin pina coladas). But HELLO - I got eaten to DEATH by mosquitos (BLAST to my sweet blood) and what is up with the policia and ambulancias driving around all day and night with their flashing lights flashing (um aren't you supposed to turn those on in an - oh I don't know - emergency?)? Yeah - and there's this crazy fascination with Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King and Church's Chicken - in that order...every 1/2 mile or so you'd see the same line up of grease pits. We could be driving through the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden there they were - Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King and Church's Chicken. Can you say Pa-sycho? Oh and one other thing - where are the waves of the ocean? They just didn't happen in good ol' PR. Needless to say we love our little Newport Paradise and may just go on vacation HERE next time we need a little R&R.

We made it to our 1 year anniversary!! - I'm still in awe that I actually found THE BEST guy on the planet to marry. Many of you may protest - but it's true - My Robbie IS the best guy even if he's just my best guy. By the time my Robbie came along I thought all the good guys had been taken or were members of my family and I wasn't about to go there...eeeewwww. We spent our anniversary in Moab, Utah. We hiked and enjoyed the scenery and totally perfected dutch oven peach cobbler. We felt like we were roughing it even though we stayed in a cabin with lights and a heater. By "roughing it" I mean we had to walk more than 5 feet to use the public bathroom and shower AND we had to cook our own meals - OUTSIDE mind you. Don't worry - we made it through okay and didn't get any diseases or anything. We had tons o' fun even though it was a little far of a drive for a short weekend.

Clearblue Easy confirmed Robbie's suspicions that I was pregnant...I was acting a little more Psycho-er than normal and the only food items that appealed to me were saltene crakers and gingerale. Every time I complained about morning sickness he sweetly reminded me how gung-ho I was about reproducing...he stopped saying that when I chopped is little pinky-toe off though - luckily I let him keep it so he could have it re-attached*.

*For those of you who don't get my humor - that was a joke - I didn't really chop his pinky toe off...but I would have liked to...

I decided to have a good attitude about being so sick and sooooo pregnant - then I got Kidney Stones and spent 4 days in the hospital feeling like death would be a nice vacation. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Even though I was sure we were going to have a girl...the ultrasound didn't lie - IT'S A BOY!! I didn't know I could be in love with more than one man, but yes I fell madly in love with this little fetus growing inside me. Robbie and I were both so excited when we found out we were having a boy and just the other day we found out that his *ahem* manhood is quite impressive. Needless to say, Robbie is a very proud papa.

I get put on bed rest and get to spend each day focusing on my little J-Dawg. I wasn't happy at first, but realized that this was God's way of giving me an opportunity to serve and sacrifice for my little man. It's truly been a growing experience and I've really felt priviledged to be my little J's mommy. I look forward to being his mommy when he comes to us in this life and on through the eternities.

I Voted Yes on Prop 8. I ain't gonna lie...this has been a tough one for me. I felt so bad (actually the words hurt and angry sum up a little better what I was feeling) about the scrutiny the church was getting for our support of Prop 8, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns and felt confident in my vote. I felt horrible about the protests at the Temples, but this whole experience has taught me to love everyone, despite our difference of opinions. I honestly pray each night that I will love those who are against Prop 8 and it has really made all the difference to me. I've also gained a greater assurance that Thomas S. Monson is truly a prophet of God and I will stand by him through sunshine and storm. I don't have any more hurt or anger over this issue and feel like I understand a little more what it means to love my fellow men.

Well, as I stand on the threshold of motherhood and look back at 2008 I'd say I've learned a lot this year and all I can say to 2009...BRING IT ON BABY!!!

I Think I Married a Scrooge

Imagine if you will the following scenario...

Me: "I finished putting together the songs for our annual Christmas CD." (note: We give a CD to our friends and family every year instead of a Christmas Card...It's pretty sweet this year if I say so myself.)

My Dear Husband: "Oh that's nice. You do such a good job at that."

Me: "I really want you to listen to the songs. When we get home do you want to listen to it with me?"

MDH: "That's okay. I trust you. I think you did a good job last year."

Me: "Yeah, but don't you want to hear what I picked?"

MDH: "No, I trust you."

Me: "Yeah, but I'd like to see what you think since it's from you just as much as it is from me. Besides you vetoed some songs I picked last year"

MDH: "Well, I know you better than I did last year and I know your picks will be just fine."

Me: "Well how 'bout I make you a copy of the CD and you can listen to it while you're out running errands this afternoon?"

MDH: "Mmmmm....nah...that's okay."

Me: "What? Why not?"

MDH: "I don't really like to listen to that much Christmas music."

Me: "What the...?"

MDH: "Yeah, it's just a little too much cheerfulness for me..."

Me: "Holy crap I married a Scrooge!"

MDH: "NO! I'm just saving myself for Wednesday and Thursday..."

Me: "Whatever...you're a Scrooge..."

I Promise I'm not Complaining...

I'm feeling like that last post was a bit too whiny! I didn't mean to whine...I just feel bad for all of my 2 blog readers because I'm not filling your life with light-hearted funniness any more and have replaced it with mommy sappiness. Either your relieved because I'm so NOT funny, or your sad because you feel like I'm one of the greatest comic minds on the planet. If it's the first then your welcome. If it's the second then you really need to get out more...

I think bed-rest has made me extremely UN-funny...

I used to joke with my dad that when he had open-heart surgery they took his sense of humor out and forgot to put it back in...seriously the man tells THE DUMBEST jokes on the planet and I swear he's the only one who thinks they're funny. I think the rest of us only laugh because his jokes were so NOT-funny yet he laughs pretty hard at them.

I'm looking at myself in the mirror (figuratively) and I find that I no longer have anything funny or witty to write on this blog-o-mine. It could be because I spend hours/days/weeks/months years/decades/millenia in this little box decorated with Christmas everywhere and very rarely get to go outside. All the while wondering if the goofy Em-Cat of yester-year will ever return or if the sense of humor fairy will completely revoke my crazy-self once the kid shoots out and replace it with sentimental mommy-ness.

I guess we'll just have to see. In the mean time, continue to enjoy the sentimental CRAP I give you, because seriously folks - it's all I have to work with!

Wanna Pee Your Pants?

THIS is seriously the funniest blog post I've EVER read...