Does My Writing Suck?

Help Others on Their Way

2011-02-26T07:30:00.000-08:00

There's a story in the Book of Mormon of Ammon who baptized hundreds of people. I love this story and have ever since I served my mission. The reason why I love it isn't because Ammon was such an inspiring missionary. Though, I'd like to point out that he truly was and I always wanted to be as dedicated a missionary as he was. No - the reason why I love Ammon's story...he had Abish.

Now if you don't know this story from the Book of Mormon or need to be reminded, I highly recommend you read (even if you aren't LDS) Alma Chapter 17, Chapter 18 and most specifically, Chapter 19. I'm not here to give you a play-by-play of this account, but if you know what I'm talking about, you'll know what kind of message I'm here to give.

Ammon's job as a missionary would have been so much harder, had it not been for Abish, a member of the church, gathering her friends and neighbors together to see what miracles were happening with the king and queen. Had it not been for her faith and the effort she put forth into helping those around her, Ammon wouldn't have baptized nearly as many people.

When I was a missionary in South America, I remember feeling so much anxiety for the people I taught. Would the members befriend these people? Would they help them, love them and let them know they would always be welcome in the ward? It's a scary thing to change your life and walk into something previously unknown. It's up to the members to take that person by the hand and show them the love they need.

Last night I had a going away party for a sweet friend of mine. She was a recent convert who hadn't been coming to church lately for most of the reasons recent converts don't come to church. Her missionaries had been transferred and she wasn't quite comfortable with the members yet. She felt out of place and not really part of the "ward family."

My friend is moving to Hawaii and I thought I'd give her a send off. I emailed everyone in the ward hoping that a few would come and wish her well, even if it was only for 5 minutes. I'm sure you can already guess what happened. One person came. That one person didn't even know my friend, but she came just the same. Not one person from the Bishopric or Relief Society showed up.

I was crushed. Not for me, but for my friend. She had the courage to change her life and be baptized, but then wasn't truly welcomed into the church by her peers. I don't want to get down on my fellow ward members, because I've been there. I know how busy life gets, believe me but I did learn a valuable lesson. New converts need acceptance and guidance from us, but most of all they need love. They need to know that even though their missionaries aren't there, there is a whole group of people who are there to help them.

So, here's my challenge to you and to myself...let's not allow one person come into our wards without knowing they are loved and accepted. This is not limited only to new members, but everyone. We all need to know we have a place. I can't tell you how grateful I am that a ward embraced and loved my sister who needed them so much at the time. Let's all make our wards that kind of ward and live by the words of the primary song:

What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say? Have faith, have hope, live like His son, help others on their way.

My Gift to Jesus

2010-12-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Image by Greg Olsen

Every year on Christmas Eve, our family gathers in the basement of my parent's home after we eat our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of fried oysters and clam chowder (which I think all of my sisters-in-law refuse to eat) and the Greed-Fest (aka opening of Christmas presents) is over.

At this point, it's time to sit down and think about the true Spirit of Christmas. The actual reason for the holiday. We sit in a circle and my dad begins by lighting his candle and giving his "Gift to Jesus," meaning something he can do for the next year that would bring him closer to the Savior. The next person in the circle lights his/her candle from dad's and gives a Gift to Jesus and so on and so on until everyone has a lit candle and has given their gift.

Last year my gift to Jesus was to sit down every night and read the Book of Mormon with my little family. I felt like there was no time like the present to get in that habit. I'm happy to say that for probably the first time since we began giving gifts to Jesus on Christmas Eve, I've a)remembered throughout the year what my gift was and b)actually followed through with what I've given. We've missed a few days here and there, but I can gladly say that we're in the habit of reading scriptures every night before J goes to bed.

When daddy begins reading him stories and it's scripture time, he comes running out to get me yelling "SKIPTOOORS, SKIPTOOORS" and of course, melts my heart in the process. With our little toddler, it's taking forever (we barely began the Book of Jacob because he can only sit through a few verses per night), but I can feel we've been blessed for our efforts.

This year I won't be with my side of the family for Christmas (I'll be in the hospital with my baby), and since I can't be there, I would like to give my Gift to Jesus a little early and make you, my blog friends, hold me to it!

This year my Gift to Jesus is:

To make personal scripture study a priority

I've really slacked in this area lately and feel so much better when I read my scriptures every day. I lost my scriptures when we moved last August and just the other day found them. I've been praying every day since August to find them and it was really a trial of my faith that it took so long, but Heavenly Father came through and showed me that prayers aren't always answered at the moment we want them answered. To show my gratitude for my answered prayer, I truly feel like this is the best payback I can give him.

I gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon when I was 17 and an even stronger one on my mission and hope to strengthen it even more in the coming year.

Since I'll be in the hospital having a baby for Christmas...Merry Christmas everyone! In all of the craziness of the season may you sit down and remember the true reason for why we celebrate. I cherish everyone of you and hope you have as lovely a Christmas as I know I'm going to have. I'll be holding one of my greatest gifts from heaven in my arms that day!

Love,
Em-Cat

Be it unto me...

2010-12-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to a fabulous dinner at the home of a member of our Relief Society Presidency. The topic of the night was seeing "Christmas Through Mary's Eyes," and it really got me thinking about this wonderful little man coming into our home just 2 days before we celebrate the Savior's birth.

When I realized what my due date would be (December 29th) I was dead set against having the baby before Christmas. Not because I didn't want to spend Christmas in the hospital, but because of how difficult it would be for my little man to have a birthday leading up to Christmas. I don't want him to hate his birthday his whole life...I figured the week after Christmas would be better (though not ideal) for him. Due to extenuating circumstances however, we didn't have much of a choice but to schedule our C-section for the 23rd of December. This means I'll be spending Christmas Eve and most likely Christmas Day in the hospital.

Christmas is going to be VERY different for our family this year, but you know - I'm okay with it. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'll be able to hold my baby in my arms and know that he came straight from Heaven. He'll be my greatest gift on Christmas!

Last night as I was listening to the message being given about Mary, I was struck with her image in my minds eye. I can only imagine how she was feeling as she rode along on the back of a donkey to an unfamiliar place, uncertain where she would be having her baby and in what conditions.

With all of the contractions I'm currently having, I have to be grateful I'm not riding on a donkey while having them. I get to have all the conveniences of a modern birth and she had to bring her baby to the world by the humblest of means. Maybe she dealt with scorn and ridicule from others as she became pregnant before she was even married to Joseph, who, merciful as he was wanted to "put her away privily." Thank heavens for those heavenly messengers!

I can't imagine what Mary felt, having "not known a man," but nonetheless carrying the Savior of the world in her womb. I can, however, imagine what she may have felt as she rocked her baby that first night and the love and honor she felt to be the mother of such an amazing little creature.

This Christmas I'm going to be thinking of Mary when I rock my newborn baby in my arms. Would I have said, "be it unto me according to thy word" as she did or would I have been more like Zacharias and doubted that it was at all possible? I hope I would have been more like her.

So, this Christmas I salute you Mary and hope to have as much faith during the coming year as you did when you accepted the great challenge of motherhood under such difficult, but rewarding, circumstances.

What's going to happen next?

2010-11-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, a few months ago I quit the rat race and found myself in a new home and alone in said home with a crazy, screaming toddler who has reached the terrible twos quite a few months before he's arrived at the ripe old age...oh...and a growing belly full of baby-love.

Have you noticed that I don't have as much to write of said fetus (A-Rob is what I think the blogosphere will know him as), as I did with little J-Dawg? I think because everything with Little J was so new to me. Now the throwing up for the entire 9 month period, gestational diabetes, extreme fatigue etc, etc, etc seem quite normal to me and I've come to terms with the fact that none of my pregnancies are going to be "easy," not that any pregnancy really is easy (except for you b!@%(&*$ who have really easy pregnancies, I'll never like you - I'm sorry).

There are a few things that are different this time around...no bed rest, reasonably low blood pressure (I'm doing BIG knocks on wood for those first two), actually feeling the fetus sit on my bladder (I guess bed rest had its advantages) and the constant need for little A-Rob to do 360's while I'm trying to walk. I can't tell you how many times I've almost fallen flat on my face because this kid wants to wiggle while I walk.

Also, a big difference is running around after a toddler and spending my days watching Elmo, coloring with crayons, play dates, swinging at the park and cuddling up to a nice theatrical reading of "The Cat in the Hat." We seem to be settling into this little routine called Stay-At-Home-Mommy-Hood little J and I. It wasn't easy at first - getting used to being together all the time - but it seems like J-Dawg and mommy are growing fond of each other and becoming partners in crime.

Now all I have to ask myself is...what's going to happen in approximately 8 weeks when another little man comes in and mixes up our groove? Things are going to be different and I don't know whether J-Dawg or I know what is going to hit us.

Each night J-Dawg and I have story time and singing time. As I lay my little fella down to sleep, if there is even a one second delay in songs, he emphatically demands I "SING." He even asked me to "SING" while we were shopping in the grocery store the other day. This kid melts my heart on a daily basis. Tonight while we were singing he turned and looked at me with the look only a son gives to his mommy, wrapped his arms around me and gave me the cuddliest hug I've ever gotten from him.

They say your heart expands when you have another child. I hope and pray it's true, because J-Dawg has captured mine completely and I would hate not having enough room for little A-Rob because I know he's special. I can feel his little spirit entering my heart already. It will definitely be a new challenge and a whole new way of being - but I think I'm ready.

All is well...

2010-07-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

The words kept going through my head over and over, "And should we die before our journey's through, Happy Day! All is well..." I couldn't believe that actually just happened. As I sat in my father-in-law's van, I went over the details of that moment.

Earlier in the day we had stopped to get groceries and fill up the gas tanks in the jet skis and boat. Robbie was really anxious to get on the road and I was taking my time in the grocery store. Neither of us were very nice to each other once we got on the road and I decided that he deserved a little silent treatment. Little J was snuggled nicely in his car seat and fell right to sleep once we were on the road, which meant I was free to watch a movie on our portable DVD player.

After a about a half hour, I started to get sleepy, so I decided to get my pillow out and take a nap, I put the seat belt snugly under my arm so it wouldn't whip me in the face and I leaned into the passengers side window, still deciding whether or not I needed to be a crabby-cakes to my husband any longer.

All of a sudden I woke with a start. The boat we were towing started to fishtail again. It had done that the day before as we drove through Barstow and Robbie was a pro at getting it under control. I had confidence that he would be able to correct it one more time...but...then it started getting worse and worse. All of a sudden we were all over the road. I yelled his name, "ROBBIE!!" I heard a whoosh of air and my husband yelled..."We're losing control!"

No sooner had those words left his mouth, did we hit the soft adobe dirt and our truck began to spin out of control. All I could think of was, "My baby...what's happening to my baby? Heavenly Father please take care of my baby." Our truck hit the dirt, flipped onto its roof, back to its wheels, then to the driver's side, roof and finally landed on the passengers side.

"We then are free from toil and sorrow too; With the just we shall dwell!"

Once we were stopped the first thing I said was, "Don't worry about me, get the baby out...get the baby out!" Robbie opened the door and jumped out of the car. I couldn't tell if I was okay or not, so I sat there for a few seconds. I realized Robbie couldn't have helped us out without falling right on top of us, so I knew it was up to me to get J out.

I undid my seat belt and turned around and found the back window to be shattered. J was still in his car seat and a little confused as to what just happened. His seat ended up facing forward and was right behind my seat. His little face was covered with a zip-up drink cooler, almost as if someone placed it there to shield him from getting a face full of glass and other debris when the window shattered.

I pulled him out of the car seat and stood up. My father-in-law was there and took him from me, then pulled me out of the truck. I looked around and screamed for my baby. Robbie's sister put him in my arms. He was okay. Simply perfect. Smiling and happy to be out of that car seat.

There I sat in the van with my little boy in my arms, bleeding from a head wound and replaying the scenario over and over in my head. What if it were worse, what if I would have lost my baby? I held him tighter and thanked my Heavenly Father for sparing him. I knew then and there that I was put on this earth to be his mommy and he was here for a great purpose.

Now, I don't care what the media or anyone else has to say about the FLDS people who live in Hilldale/Colorado City, but they are the most kind and compassionate people I have ever met. They were the first on the scene and they treated us with such respect and compassion. Two women were there and as I was put on a stretcher, they took my little baby from my arms and strapped him into the car seat. They made sure he was close by the entire time. They fed him water and called him a "little darling." Once we were in the ambulance on our way back to St. George, the older woman held my hand and told me how blessed I had been.

The words kept coming back to me, "But if our lives are spared again to see the saints their rest obtain."

I couldn't stop weeping, I felt like I was in a dream surrounded by people who looked like pioneers. Once we were at the hospital the kind FLDS woman wouldn't leave my side, so I didn't have to be alone. I could have kissed her. She was an angel sent straight from heaven.

Everything turned out okay and my injuries were minor. We're nearing the 1st anniversary of the accident and as we sang that song in Sacrament last Sunday I couldn't help but be reminded of God's mercy and the kindness of Strangers.

"Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell - All is well! All is well!"

News...

2010-06-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

Go here if you want to ~~hear~~ read some excellent news!

Actual Conversation...

2010-05-11T19:53:00.001-07:00

Em-Cat and Robbie in our younger, skinnier days...

So I'm sitting at lunch with my HOT husband today and he begins to compliment me ever so lovingly...

Robbie: "You look so pretty today."

EmC: "I do?"

Robbie: "Yes. I love your shirt. It's really a good color for you."

EmC: "Oh! You're so sweet."

Robbie: "And your hair is so beautiful and shiny."

EmC: "Stop! My head is going to explode with all of these compliments."

Robbie: "And your face? Well...It's simply glowing."

EmC: "Aw!"

Robbie: "Except for those zits on your chin. What's up with the acne lately?"

PPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

That's the sound my head made as it deflated...

Don't I just have the SWEETEST husband ever?

2010-04-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

There is a surprising lack of writing on this blog and an even more surprising amount of youtube videos. I couldn't resist this one. Robbie, J-Dawg and I were watching Sesame Street this morning and this little segment came on and we laughed so hard our appendix burst. So, have a hernia on us!

I Hope You All Had a Happy Easter

2010-04-05T06:40:00.001-07:00

Yeah - BIG Shocker

2010-03-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

Did anyone NOT see that coming? Because if you didn't you are BLIND.

To the Greatest Band in the World

2010-03-18T16:50:00.001-07:00

I remember sitting on the living room couch. My older brother walked in with a video in his hand. I don't remember what I was watching, but I do remember not being bothered that he wanted to play something different. This was my brother who I was closest to and he could do no wrong.

I looked up to him so much and wanted to be exactly like him - only in girl form. If he liked a certain book, then I had to read it; if he hated country music, then it wasn't worth my listening to; and if he liked U2, then by all means, it must be the greatest band in the world.

I sat there mesmerized by the music and the passion each member of the band had for what they were doing and singing. They all absolutely loved what they were doing and truly believed in the songs they were singing.

In the movie the band visited Graceland and Larry Mullen Jr. (the drummer) spoke of his admiration for "the King," and how he related his passion for his drums to Elvis' passion for his music and his guitar. At that moment, I knew I would always love Larry. Even more important, I would never love a band like I love U2.
I was 11 and it all started with Rattle and Hum. I love them as much now as I did then.

So to my Irish Boys I say...Happy (Belated) St. Patrick's Day.

Love,
Your Biggest Fan (aka Em-Cat)

2010-03-11T09:49:00.001-08:00

I promise I'm not going to change the name of this blog to "Do all the YouTube Videos I Post on this Blog Suck." But I couldn't resist this one. J-Dawg and I were eating breakfast this morning, enjoying us a little Sesame Street when Adam Sandler appeared with this great little song. Now I LOVES me some Adam Sandler, especially when he sings his made up songs, so I was thrilled when this little diddy was performed by the man himself.

I Heart Snuggies

2010-03-08T16:19:00.000-08:00

It's true. I thought they were really dumb until I tried one on while visiting my family over Christmas. Genius I tell you...ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!! (Insert evil cackle) Anyhoo - this is a funny video, and kinda true. Though I still want a Snuggie as soon as possible because I truly HEART Snuggies.

P.S. This hasn't been much of a writing blog lately. I have had quite a few things going on here.

ANOTHER Crazy Sighting...Sheesh...When will they end?

2010-03-05T08:54:00.001-08:00

The dog I saw him with is the one on the left. I took the picture from this site.

So I was on my way to the chiropractor the other day and I SWEAR I saw Orlando Bloom jogging with one of his dogs. The guy I saw had a beanie hat on and he looked over to me. I instantly jumped because, you know that feeling girls get when Orlando Bloom looks at them? Yeah - I totally got it. Well, he knew I got it because he immediately looked away and pulled his beanie cap down lower over his eyes. The dog looked familiar too. Hmmm...might Orlando be another narcissistic neighbor? Who knows, maybe he's just visiting with the Rod-Man.

Actual Converstaion

2010-02-27T10:16:00.000-08:00

I was driving through a parking lot yesterday which I had never before frequented. I accidentally drove the wrong way into an exit. Honestly, aren't those things are more of a suggestion in parking lots than a rule? It's not like I'm going to get a ticket for it (insert eye roll).

As I drove my car into the exit I realized too late I was going the wrong way and to my credit the sign was tiny. I pulled into my parking spot I saw an old lady, who was going the right way, give me a dirty look as she backed her boat...er...I mean...car up to try to get into a different spot.

I again realized too late she was probably going for the parking space I just took. I knew the nice thing to do would be apologize, so I got out of my car and headed over to hers, but she beat me to it. She was already standing by my car looking supremely annoyed. Here's how our conversation went:

Old Lady: Do you realize you just the wrong way in an exit?

Me: Yes, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it until it was too late and then when I saw your face I knew I took your parking spot. I'm so sorry!

Old Lady: Well you put me in a really tight spot. You just cut me off there (she was like 200 yards away and around a corner when I pulled into the spot she had her eye on).

Me: I'm really sorry. I had no idea that there was only one way to go, I've never been in this parking lot before.

Old Lady: Well at least you said you were sorry.

Me: I really am. I was actually just getting out to tell you I was.

Old Lady: Don't you feel like a complete IDIOT when you do things like that?

Me: He he, yeah (In my mind: Absolutely not you crazy old bat! You need to chill out and realize people make mistakes...sheesh!)

Sigh...Old people hate me...

Coming Soon...

2010-02-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 22nd to be exact.

I just need to have a fun birthday weekend and then I'm getting down and dirty with reality. Sigh...denial was such bliss.

P.S. Click on picture to follow the link to my new "dose of reality" blog (I know...right? How am I supposed to update ANOTHER blog when I don't even update this one that often? I feel really motivated with this one - no really I do!)

A Day in the Life...And a Crazy Sighting

2010-02-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

Today we decided to take J-Dawg to the park. He loved it! We had some Subway sandwiches and were enjoying the warmth and sunlight. Half way through our meal, guess who we saw:

Yep - the Rod-man himself. He actually looked normal in real life. No cross-dressing or funky hair-dos. Just a baseball cap and nose ring. He took his kids (at least I assume they were his) to ride their bikes and to play a little b-ball. Yeah - Dennis Rodman plays basketball...at a park...in my neighborhood...with his kids...so weird!

I wanted to yell out to him:

"Hey Dennis! I know your friend Cheyenne (my friend Cheyenne once worked for him and they became buddies) Can we be friends too? Seriously - I would make you laugh, because I make myself laugh all the time...no really - I'm SO funny. Actually I don't think I would like to be your friend because, no offense, you're crazy, but then you probably already know that because your you and you know things about you that I really don't think I could handle. Anyhoo...Can I take your picture? Please - don't make me be in the picture. I don't want to be photographed, because I still haven't lost my baby weight and that has made me hate all pictures with me in them, but you're used to having your picture taken. So - how 'bout it? No seriously, just a quick snap shot with my cell phone camera...oh, wait! I left my cell phone at home. Do you have a cell phone? Because you could take the picture and then just text it to me. Then I could save your number in my phone and I could send you texts all the time. Don't you feel like you've known me forever? I know! We're like BFF's already. But I already told you! I don't want to be your friend - Crazy. Sheesh!"

But I didn't, because let's face it - that would be annoying.

Because I said I would...and I'm not a liar...

2010-02-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

The following is an e-mail I sent to Larry Riley, Vice President of Circulation for the Orange County Register, along with his reply. Please note for future reference: It's a bad idea to scorn someone who rarely gets angry enough to contact a supervisor, let alone a Vice President.

Dear Mr. Riley,

I just received a call, on my cell phone, from one of your sales staff. I am contacting you because, on the Orange County Register website, you were listed with this e-mail address as the Vice President of Circulation. I assume that you are in charge of the sales department making cold calls, if you are not, I kindly ask you to forward this to the appropriate person.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many calls I’ve received from your sales department because I lost count after the 10^th call. Each time I have been contacted, I asked the caller politely to take me off the OC Register call list, and each time I was assured that I would be taken off said “list.” Truthfully, I wasn’t very polite after the 8^th or 9^th call. Why is it that when I ask to be taken of the OC Register’s cold call list, I am continually being contacted? Do you make it a policy to lie to potential customers? I really hope you reply with an answer to this one, because it baffles me. Your employees are effectively lying to me when they say I’ll be taken off the list and then I am continually being contacted. I know these are tough times, but you seem to be shooting yourselves in the foot each time you contact me.

I wish I would have been given the opportunity to speak with a supervisor when I received the call this morning, but I was assured I would be taken off the list, and then I was hung up on. If there were ever a small chance I would even think of subscribing to the Orange County Register, it was completely shattered the minute I wasn’t given a chance to speak to your representative’s supervisor. I assure you I will never agree to subscribe to the Orange County Register and I will do everything in my power to dissuade people from subscribing to it. I will post my experiences on my online blogs as well as send e-mails to every person I know who lives in Orange County, CA. Please pass along this information to your sales staff so that they may know that they have the WORST customer service I have ever encountered.

Thank you for your time,

[Em-Cat]

And his reply...

This is completely unacceptable Ms. [G]. I’m glad you wrote and that you’re holding me accountable. We adhere to strict guidelines when it comes to do-not-call compliance. We not only download against the Federal Do Not Call list (required by law), but we also maintain an internal DNC list too. There’s no sense in calling folks that don’t want to be called. It’s very unproductive the next time around. Numbers are being added daily, and I need to figure out why we dropped the ball with yours.

I need a favor please…

Our calling campaigns are managed through a sophisticated computer. It maintains unbiased records of everything we do. We can track frequency of calls and “call disposition” by agent. We maintain a call center right here in the Santa Ana Register building (foremost, for quality control purposes). However, we do supplement campaigns through the use of a vendor, but not just any vendor. We interact with them almost daily regarding call quality and calibration.

I apologize for this lengthy summary, but hopefully it demonstrates how seriously we take outbound sales. In the end, you’re being called and you’ve asked numerous times for it to stop. Regardless of whom you’re speaking with, this request is not being honored. With your telephone number reply, we can load it into our computer for DNC (which takes effect in 24-hours, or sooner). Plus, we will run diagnostics on the history of calls and figure out who you’ve spoken with.

I always say…”it is through feedback that we improve.” We have some work to do here.

Again, thanks for writing. We should be able to get this corrected very quickly. I know how these experiences go, as I do exactly what you did when called at home. There are companies that adhere to my request perfectly, while there are others that don’t. I respond the same way you have and I really appreciate the feedback.

In closing, I don’t want this experience to damage your opinion of the Register. Hopefully we can redeem ourselves quickly.

Best regards,

Larry Riley

Vice President, Circulation

Orange County Register Communications

625 N Grand Ave.

Santa Ana, CA 92701

O 1.714.796.6864

F 1.714.347.2725

www.ocregister.com

lriley@ocregister.com

cc. Bruce Blair, Director of Circulation Sales

Larry Blake, Manager of Customer Relations

Well Larry, I guess I'll just have to sit back and see if you're as good as your word. I hope you are, because I don't like being angry. It interferes with my beauty sleep...

A Day in the Life

2010-01-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

This is what I texted to RG (Robbie) this afternoon:

"J pooed and it got everywhere and by everywhere I mean his pants, shirt, me, socks, legs, feet, me, blanket, changing pad, me, the car and did I mention ME? We went and bought him new pants because the poor kid is pantless...We'll probably be late."

For some reason I feel like a train hit me...huh...weird.

Writers Block - RandEM-CAT Style

2010-01-26T20:48:00.000-08:00

**SIGH**I've been sitting here for 5 minutes staring at my blank slate wondering if I could pull anything interesting out of my hat of thoughts. So I'm going to give you a few RandEM-CATs without really knowing what I'm going to say before hand. Please be patient as I try to pull thoughts out of my you-know-what and don't be surprised if the writing really DOES suck.

I THINK MY MIND HAS BEEN LOST FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW

My offspring turned ONE last week. O-N-E people. I don't know where the time went. No seriously - where did it go? What year is it? How old am I? I wonder when Robbie and I will have our first kiss...oh wait...that already happened!

So much has happened this year and I'm begining to realize that I may never get my brain back. Srsly - I have become so forgetful that I'm currently having a hard time remembering my husband's middle name. I can't tell you how many things I forgot to take on my business trip last week. And don't even get me started on what my baby had to wear to bed tonight because I forgot to pack jammies.

It is truly a miracle I haven't left the little tyke at the park because I forgot I had given birth to him. I think I haven't left him anywhere because the one thing I DO remember is the nightmarish pregnancy I endured for 9+ months and the incredibly insane labor and delivery. I have a little 20lb screaming, crazy, babbling CONSTANT REMINDER who follows me around trying to climb up and down my legs, pulling my hair (leg and head) and whatever else he can get his hands on. And the funny thing is...I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to be this little man's mommy. Even if it means that I've contracted Alzheimers during the past year.

The sacrifices we make...

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS OR ELSE (BUT REALLY - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT)
So I spent two entire days last week listening to reasons why I suck as a salesman. Is it just me or can you get more out of people by speaking positively to them and pointing out their good traits than by telling them how dissappointed you are in them and that if they don't change their act they might just end up out in the cold without their proverbial shirt to keep them warm? Just wondering...

POWER NAPS ROCK!
Last night I had a little insomnia. Funny how that happens more now that I'm a mother. I know - this is only the begining. I'm sure I won't sleep well for the next 25 years or so. I woke up at 1:30am and didn't get back to bed until 3. Needless to say I was a bit tired today. After I met with hubby and the offspring for lunch I found myself sitting in the parking lot outside of an account taking a power nap. It was only 15 minutes, but it was probably the most HEA-VEN-LY 15 minutes of my day. I wonder if I could turn my car into a bed on wheels for naps during the day...hmmm... I think I'll bring my woobie along with me tomorrow.

Jay Leno GO HOME!

2010-01-25T05:57:00.000-08:00

And I don't even watch late-night TV. I don't know...maybe it's Jay's chin that makes him so UN-funny.

Who are you with?

The Fight Continues...

2010-01-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

Say a little prayer for those of us who live in California, won't you? We're still fighting to protect traditional marriage and the battle is far from over. It may never be over. The people have spoken - twice, but that's not good enough for opponents to Prop 8. Go here to follow the defense's progress of Perry v Schwarzenegger and keep them in your prayers. This and this were a couple of compelling and heartening reports on how things are going in the court room. And to my gay and lesbian friends: Even though we disagree on this one little point...I love you and will always be your friend.

Love,
Em-Cat

2010-01-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. GreenBags...cough...Green Peace...cough...cough,

I do have a minute for the environment, but I'm not giving you money or signing my life away to help you get the "numbers" you need to make yourself feel good and your bosses feel good. So can I just ask you to stop chasing me out of the stores I'm REQUIRED to visit for my job? No, you don't have to follow me to my car and yell after me that it's my duty as a citizen of the world for me to save the baby seals of Antarctica and shame on me for not giving $500 to support the cause...cough...pay your salary...cough. Honestly - If I gave $5 to every Joe Green who stands outside health food stores, I'd have to stand at the end of freeway exits with a sign that says "Green Peace Took All My Money."

Environmentally Yours,
Em-Cat

Dear Guy in a Wheel Chair Who Rings A Bell for a Good Cause,

I don't know if you were paying attention to the letter I wrote to Mr. Green Bags, but I have to cross a line so I can give food to my little munchkin who doesn't really like food, but needs to eat anyway. Like I told you before...I visit stores like this all day long and maybe I can afford 25 cents to all the 20,000 stores I see per month, but I can also use that money to pay my rent and feed the beast. So, please don't yell at me and tell me I'm a jerk. Seriously - it won't make me want to give you my quarter because you're being so mean by yelling at me. Not that you need to know - I give to lots of people in need, so don't tell me I'm a cold, un-caring person just because I kept my quarter.

Philanthropically yours,
Em-Cat

P.S. I'm sorry you're in a wheel chair.

Dear Miss Good Cause,

Yes I am a registered voter and no I don't want to sign your petition to give puppies the ability to file suit against their masters for the right to chew all the shoes they want, because it's a natural, carnal desire that puppies are entitled to do because they were born that way. Sorry - I don't feel like giving you my credit card number, social security number or the type of shampoo I use. Oh - and could you remember my face so that when I have to go back and forth from the store to my car (because as a SALES REP that's what I do) various times you don't ask me to sign again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

Mkay...Thanks...bye

Em-Cat

Funny thing...

2010-01-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

...my nick name is Em-Cat, but I'm really a dog person. And, glory be to the heavens, so is my offspring. (Please excuse the quality of the video...it's from a cell phone)

P.S. I don't always have time to write new posts but, even if they're one liners, I'm going to try to post much more often. Cross your fingers! I may be eatin' my words in the next little while...I hope they taste like chocolate!

2010 is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!

2010-01-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that my job and I have this love/hate relationship? No? Well I just did and I'm not taking it back. I hate it because of all the corporate hoo hah I have to deal with. I could go into detail, but then I would just be complaining and that would make me the most depressing blogger on the internet. So, you're welcome for being a little more positive with my blogging (just this post - the next one is going to be SUPER depressing).

But I digress...I love my job because of all the diverse and interesting people I become friends with. Yes that's right - I said friends. Most all of my clients are people who I love dearly. I can't say I would hang out with all of them, but they are people I genuinely care about even though we are on two opposite ends of the crazy spectrum.

Case in point:

This afternoon while I was working in one of my stores, I asked one young man how his New Year has gone so far. Now I usually say something like, "How were your holidays" or, "Did you have a good Christmas?" But it just came out like "How has your new year been so far?" It seemed like a pretty harmless and normal question to ask someone.In the ten+ years I have been in the Health Food Industry, I should be used to unusual responses to seemingly normal questions (But really, what is "normal" anyway?). I was still shocked when our conversation proceeded like this:

C - "This year has been absolutely fabulous and you want to know something else? You will be blown away by the things that are going to happen this year."

Me - "OOOHHH! I love your optimism. Tell me what is going to happen this year."

C - "Well, first off space travel is going to be something that everyone is going to be able to experience. We'll be able to visit different planets."

Me - "Er...wow...that's cool."

C - "Yeah - well we've been communicating with aliens since the '50s and this year they're going to make themselves publicly known to us and give us the opportunity to visit their planets."Me - "Uh...he he...that's awesome! I can't wait."

C - "It's going to be amazing. So many good things are going to happen this year."

He then went on to tell me how marijuana is going to be legalized, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Now...the problem isn't that this man believes in aliens. Quite honestly there are a lot of people who do and I'm not going to judge a person based on their core beliefs. I think the problem is me. I don't believe we are communicating with aliens and I don't think there is any chance that 2010 is going to be the year where my husband and I sponsor a little alien exchange student. I actually sat there and pretended like I believed everything he said to me without batting an eye.

Sheesh...I'm such a liar.

Santa Strikes with an Air of Professionalism

2009-12-22T23:45:00.000-08:00

Okay - so I'm not one to do giveaways because usually that means I'm stuck following through with something I don't always follow through with. But this time, I think I can actually handle it. You see, I've recently taken up sewing and I really like it (except now that I have 12 gazillion projects to finish before Christmas...now Robbie says the only profession I could handle right now is "Pirate" because of my potty mouth). Anyhoo...if you come up with the world's best caption for the above photo, you will get something fabulous from me! (How RAD is that?)

Here is what we've come up with so far.

"If families are forever, I'm calling it quits."

"First time parents...(Insert MAJOR Eye Roll)"

"EmCat seems to be looking near the camera, but didn't quite make it."

"Happy Hanukkah...I guess we'll be Jewish this year cuz Christmas just isn't working out for us."

On Sabbatical...

2009-12-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

Wow - are my calculations correct? Has it been that long since I've posted something?

So aside from - working full time, raising my baby and trying (oh how I try) to be a good wife and mother, getting in a rollover car accident on the way to Lake Powell in August and being admitted to the hospital, being the sole person in charge of the world's biggest promotion for a chain of 40 stores where no one (okay so one person and my husband - Oh How I LOVE YOU Both!) came to my aid - even though I asked and asked, going to the ER for a kidney stone the size of a lima bean (and as dense as my bones) and eventually getting it blasted (I passed peppercorn size stones btw), getting the music ready and performing the Primary Program for Sacrament Meeting and jumping right into getting ready and performing two (yes - you read right) Primary Christmas Programs, singing in the stake and ward choirs with extra rehersals every time I turn around and taking on 5 gazillion crafty projects for Christmas Presents - I've been kind of lazy.

I'm sorry to the two of you who check this blog for not being there for you...I'll be back soon I promise. In the mean time this face might cheer you up!

You know You Love It

2009-07-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

...but I totally don't.

I've decided to come out of the closet and let a few things off my chest. I've tried to conform and just go with the flow, but I can't live a lie any longer. No I'm not a lesbian, there are just a few things I can't stand that the rest of the world loves. I gotta be me, I just gotta be me...

Thanks Busy Bee for the idea!

1. Dr. Pepper - What is it with Dr. Pepper. Ugh - this stuff is DIS-GUST-ING!

2. Phantom of the Opera - Do you remember when "Phantom" was all the rage? Yeah - I hated it back then too.

3. Scrapbooking - I know y'all are going to hate me for this, but I can't stand scrapbooking. I think it would be cool if I had the patience to sit down and cut out cute little pieces of paper and arrange them on a page with a photo or two. But, what I don't get is why you would want to put like one photo on a page that could hold like six. Even now - I'm just baffled.

4. Twilight - Okay,to be fair, I haven't cracked the book, but I have seen the movie and I don't get the hype. It was an extremely UN-remarkable movie and I have no desire to read the books. Yeah - don't hate me.

5. "I'm saying a prayer for you and you should send this to 10 people or you'll have bad luck for 7 years" e-mails - I know I'm not the only one who hates "those" kinds of forwards. But my question is this, why do you still send them?

6. Blog Music - Can I just say that I hate, hate, hate music on blogs? No? Well I just did. It just gets in the way when I'm listening to my own music, I click on a blog and someone's blog music interferes with - well - everything! I'm so glad you like your music, but I don't want to have to listen to George Straight or the Jonas Brothers every time I click on your blog. Sorry - I just don't.

7. And last but not least - FACEBOOK - All I have to say is this...Stop inviting me to join - it's never going to happen.

Now it's your turn...What is it that you can't stand that the rest of the world loves?

Time Keeps on Ticking...Kinda Like Turrets

2009-07-06T21:42:00.001-07:00

I wish I took the time to WRITE more. I can't seem to find the time to do much of anything these days. Motherhood and a full time job seem to utterly consume me as of late. I'm really trying not to feel overwhelmed...you know...take one bite of my elephant at a time. I find, however, that stress and EmCat aren't compatible bedfellows. We two go together like chocolate ice cream and asparagus OR OJ's hand and a bloodstained glove (the glove don't fit, you must acquit).

The funny thing is that I was completely BORED on bed rest and maternity leave. The minute I was able to go back to work, I was so blissfully HAPPY. I didn't even mind lugging my then 12 lb bundle of joy with me everywhere I went. He was (and is) a super cute diversion to the daily grind of things and has been able to break through barriers that even I, the queen of friend-making and chit-chat, couldn't seem to disassemble on my own. The PROBLEM is NOT that he is now close to 17 lbs and cuter than ever. The problem IS my kid is learning from the master...he has found his lungs and has decided to use them. For some reason he's decided that he needs to make himself known to the world...at the TOP of his lungs. Those of you who grew up with me and went to junior high with me and...okay...high school...oh yeah and college...um...and served a mission with me and...uh...knew me at any other time in my life, know that this girl LOVES a good chat with anyone who will listen or even a nice little song at the top of her LUNGS.

The little DAWG-man has recently decided that his DIAPHRAGM is his new best friend and that he needs to exercise it with so much INTENSITY that one can't help but laugh or be distracted by or not listen to their vitamin rep while she's trying with much passion and heart to sell you some DHA powder because she knows deep down in her SOUL that the DHA powder will stop all wars and create world peace. HOWEVER , you aren't thinking of WORLD-PEACE-DHA-POWDER because the cute baby in the stroller is yelling to get your attention and you'd much rather make funny faces and encourage him in this destructive behavior because he's such a cute little bugger AND who needs World-Peace-DHA-Powder anyhow!?!?!?! So SEE YA AROUND vitamin-girl-with-the-very-cute-extremely-loud-baby.

Oi...I'm tired.

Here's a little taste of his cuteness...this doesn't even begin to illustrate how loud he truly is!

Living With My Addiction

2009-06-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

As the work day winds down, my phone buzzes with a text message from Robbie saying..."3 more stops" or "1 stop then I'm getting gas. Be there in 45" or "2 more stops. I can't wait to see you." Every time I get a message like this my heart leaps and the butterflies begin. I truly am excited to see the man I had lunch with just a few short hours earlier. Those few hours without him were utter agony.

When Robbie is home I tell him I love him 147 times in a normal day and 376 times on days I'm feeling extra sentimental. While he sits at the computer typing his e-mails I put my arm around him, kiss his neck and inhale a little bit of his scent. When he's laying in bed fast asleep I snuggle up to him until he gently asks me to give him a little space so he can sleep.

What can I say...Robbie is my heroine.

It's hard to say when this addiction started, but I could probably pinpoint it to the time he walked straight over to me and introduced himself. I'd like to think that I caught his eye while standing in a sea of cute, single, Mormon girls. But I was the only girl in a group of Lord-of-the-Rings-Loving Nerds. He had no choice but to think I was cute. He had to ask me out that night. If he hadn't, he would have had to admit that he was like the rest of the guys in the group - so preoccupied with Star Wars that they wouldn't really notice a girl unless she was wearing a long white robe and a braided doughnut on each side of her head.

Since that time I was able to brainwash him into thinking it was a good idea to kiss me. After that - he had no choice but to marry me...I am, after all, the best kisser this side of the Mississippi.

For some reason, he's been able to live with my addiction for the last two years. He doesn't always understand why I am the way I am, but he loves me anyway. I'm in awe of this man who loves me despite all my crazy little idiosyncratic ways. He is patient, kind and above all an amazing husband and father. J-dawg lights up every time he walks into a room.

Happy (First) Father's Day Robbie. Here's to many more years of you having to live with my addiction.

Mommy

2009-05-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I lay on my couch, cuddling close to my beloved Robbie, I uttered something that resonated deep in my soul..."I was born to be a mother." To which Robbie replied..."and to sing." There are so many uncertainties in my life right now - so many things I don't know. I don't know why J cries at certain times. I don't know what the future will hold. I worry about being a good mother, a good example, a good teacher but this I know:

I was born to be a mother.

I was born to sing.

At this point in my life, those two things go hand in hand. Each night as I rock my precious little baby to sleep - I sing. This poor kid won't know the standards like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" or "Itsy, Bitsy Spider," but he'll certainly know "Don't Rain on My Parade," "Golden Slumbers" and "Come Rain or Come Shine." He's become my captive audience. Gone are the days of wishing and dreaming that I would someday make it big on Broadway. I prefer singing at the top of my lungs to a beautiful baby boy who looks into his mommy's eyes and sees the world.

As I reflect on the journey that has brought me to this point, I think about my beautiful friends and sisters who have yet to find that special one and have yet to be able to have the family they've been dreaming of their entire lives. To you I say that you were all born to be mothers. You were all born to sing.

I believe that we as women were all born with the characteristics of motherhood. We are special and beloved and blessed by God. He loves us and gives us the opportunities we so desired before we came to this earth. I know that if we look to Him and live our lives to our fullest potential, ours will be a joyful journey no matter the heartache - the pain, no matter the happiness -the laughter.

This Mother's Day I'd like to say to all women: May your day be full of joy and rejoicing no matter what your social status may or may not be, no matter how many children you may or may not have.

I love you friends. Have a special day.

More RandEM-CaTS - BabyStyle (with a little U2 sprinkled here and there)

2009-04-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down..." *sigh* Beginning Monday morning, I'm going to be considered a "Working Mom." Thankfully J-Dawg will be joining me and learning the tricks of the trade of selling Supplements. He's such a fast learner that I'm sure sometime soon he'll be out-selling me.

There are so many things I feel like I didn't accomplish while on Maternity Leave:

I definitely didn't master the art of having a clean home. Oi, you should see the mess the kitchen is in at this moment.
The baby book is sitting on my table STILL waiting to be written in.
Don't even talk to me about scrapbooking.
I haven't lost 40 pounds and, lets face it, I still look pregnant. Just the other day a lady almost asked me how far along I was. She saved herself by segueing into asking how old the baby is. Oh - and just before that my niece pointed to my stomach and asked me when the baby was coming out...everyone in the room snickered like they secretly agreed with her but would never say it to my face.
I haven't visited all the friends I've wanted to see and others I've wanted to be more acquainted with.

While I'm making lists here are the things I HAVE accomplished while on maternity leave:

I have managed to kiss my little baby-cakes AT LEAST 2,573 times per day.
J-Dawg and I have taken to walking the neighborhood and can successfully accomplish a 1.5 mile walk in one half hour...don't laugh - that's saying something after 3 months of bedrest.
I've been able to sing approximately 17.8 different songs to my kiddo each day. This kid is going to be a proficient in showtunes and lullabies.
I've been able to solicit AT LEAST 3,183 smiles from my baby per day.
I've gotten my baby to LOVE patty-cake.
Tummy time is a work in progress, but he's getting better.
I've successfully found a few traits and looks that are definitely Em-Cat even though this kid is my husband's mini-me.
I've managed to love this little bundle of joyful cuteness so much that it hurts.
I've actually become my mother. I can now successfully call myself an irrational worrier.
My son has begun singing along with me each time I belt out my rendition of "Close to You." Because let's face it...the angels really did get together and sprinkle golden starlight in his eyes of blue...

Oh you better believe I have my tickets...

...GA tickets too. Those are EXTREMELY difficult to come by. I plan on being right there, front and center, with my boys (Robbie and the rest of them - though little J-Dawg will have to be there in spirit).

Yesterday was a day of POO and Spit-up...
How can something this small and cute be so completely and utterly gross?

After a long day of this kid spitting up all over my clothes (I had to change outfits various times), I was sitting on the couch watching The Office with my incredibly handsome husband. All of a sudden I hear a rumbling in my little boy's pants. I decided to wait to change him when I smelled the poo-smell stronger than usual. Robbie looked over and declared, "Gross! He POOED all over you!"
@^%#&*@(!!!!!!
I guess I shouldn't complain. My husband had it worse when J-Dawg was a newborn. Robbie was holding his nekked little body for a photo-shoot. Right after the photo was taken poo shot out into Robbie's unsuspecting hand (it (his hand) still hasn't gotten over it). I just thank the stars in heaven above that it wasn't me. I can totally see into the future and I'm definitely getting a vibe that I will be pooed on many times to come...Oh the joys of motherhood!

...off I go into the wild blue yonder of juggling work, a baby, a husband and LIFE. Wish me luck! It's going to be quite a ride and I've taken to throwing up on roller coasters.

Happy (late) Easter

2009-04-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

This was sent to us by our Relief Society teacher. I hope you all had a nice Easter and may we remember the Savior's sacrifice more fully each day.

Love,
Em

April Fools

2009-04-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

At about 4pm on April 1st I realized I hadn't done anything to FOOL Robbie. I come from a long line of April Foolers so I knew I had to do something. I was 97 1/2% sure I wasn't preggers, but in a pinch it was all I had to work with. I had a pregnancy exam and decided to take it into the bathroom and pee on it, you know, to make it LOOK real. The test of course came out negative. I put the most distraught look on my face that I could muster and walked into the living room where Robbie was sitting. Here's how it went:

Me: "Robbie..."

Robbie looks up from what he's doing and his eyes get super wide when he sees what I'm holding.

Me: "...um...I thought I'd be funny and take this test and...um..."

Robbie: His eyes get even wider and says..."NO WAY!"

Me: (Jumping up and down) "HA HA HA APRIL FOOLS!!!"

I knew I should have drawn it out a little more, but I can't keep a straight face for that long. The look on his face was absolutely priceless.

I called my parents and tried it on them, but they know me WAY too well and it took about a nanosecond for my mom to figure it out.

Of course I had to post it on my blog, because if my husband was naive enough to believe me, I just KNEW I could fool all of you...Whatev...the first two responses were:

Rach: "I'm on to you girl. APRIL FOOLS!!!"

K8: "nice try"

I find it UN-surprising that the first two who WEREN'T fooled had small children. I think April Fools Day is definitely for small children and parents who have said children are always playing and being played on April Fools Day.

It was quite funny to get a call the next day from my friend Stephanie who figured it out just before I said "hello." I thought it even more funny that my brother was fooled, because he grew up in the same household I did.

Okay - now put this out of your mind while I think of a way to get you next year...MMMMMMWWWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I Think I'm going to CRY!

2009-04-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! A mere 10 weeks after our little J-Dawg came into our lives, this is what I found out today...

I really think I'm going to cry.

Kreativ Awesomeness

2009-03-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

Never in 1 million years (1 MILLION I tell you!) did I think I'd ever get an award. Thanks to my friend Evaly for giving it to me. I hope she doesn't think I'm a huge slacker since she gave it to me way back in January and I'm just now getting around to acknowledging it. I feel honored that she thinks this blog is "Kreativ" since she's really one of the most Kreativ people I know and ESPECIALLY since lately I've been putting ZERO effort into this blog-o-mine. All my time and effort have been going to this cute baby-cakes:

Rules:

1. Copy the award to your site.

2. Link to the person from whom you received the award.

3. Nominate 7 other bloggers.

4. Link to those on your blog.

5. Leave a message on the blogs you nominate.

Here are my picks for "Kreativ"-ness:

Chloe, Stella, Fred - Oh if only I were as cool as K8 The River.

And Then There Were Three - Sabrina's blog is always so cute and I love her cute little baby cakes.

My Chaos, My Bliss - Like Cecily needs more awards, but she really is fascinating to read.

Bee-Lissa's Shooting 40 - She hasn't updated in LIKE FOREVER, but hey she has ADD...most Kreativ people do you know.

Live, Laugh, Love - I love reading all of Patty's cool stories. She's a flight attendant - coolest job in the world - and has some pretty cool things to tell!

Dooleys4 - Rach's husband just came home from Afghanistan. It's been a very interesting (to say the least right Rach?) year to read about the goings on of a military wife.

Larson's Life Musings - The format of this blog alone is a reason to keep coming back to Rebecca's blog. Plus - it's delightful to read about her cute family.

What? Did I already choose SEVEN? I could go on and on, but I guess I'd better stop myself.

Congratulations to all who won!

Anyone Else Sick of the Government Bailouts?

2009-03-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

I know I'm Obsessed...Roll with me folks.

2009-03-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the new U2 album - No Line on the Horizon - and realized how much I love listening to words they use in their songs. Pure poetry people! (wow - I rock at alliterations) I thought I'd give you a list of my favorite lines from U2 songs and a quote here and there about or by U2.

"All the Spanish I know, I learned from an Irishman." - Referring to the beginning of the song Vertigo..."Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce..." My friend's little sister said this one night when we were all hanging out. We actually put this quote on a T-shirt. I wish I could remember your name little sis - you're a genius.

"I waited patiently for the Lord/He inclined and heard my cry/He brought me up out of the pit/Out of the miry clay/I will sing, sing a new song." - 40, War

"I always knew I wanted to be a rock star." - Adam Clayton

"Can-You-Hear-Me-When-I-Sing/You're the reason I sing/You're the reason why the Opera is in me...A house still doesn't make a home/Don't leave me here alone" - Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. This line makes me cry every time.

"I was never particularly comfortable with the celebrity or fame thing. I don't like to draw too much attention to myself." - Larry Mullen Jr.

"Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot." - I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight, No Line on the Horizon.

"Rock 'N' Roll is particular to this period of time. There was no precedent in musical history, because it is completely about electricity." - The Edge

"Don't theorize, realise, polarise/Chance, dance, dismiss, apologize." - Numb, Zooropa

"Music can change the world because it can change people." - Bono

"Here she comes/Beauty plays the clown/Here she comes/Surreal in her crown." - Miss Sarajevo, Passengers: Original Soundtracks 1

"They say that what you mock/Will surely overtake you/And you become a monster /So the monster will not break you." - Peace on Earth, All That You Can't Leave Behind

"Being in U2 is more like riding a runaway train, hanging onto it for dear life." - Larry Mullen Jr.

"She feels it every sensation/She's got a smile like salvation/She's got a baby at her breast/She knows big girls are best." - Big Girls Are Best, U2 7

"No I don't know why a man/Sees the truth but needs the lies." - Slow Dancing, If God Will Send His Angels (Single)

"Edge pleaded with me right at the start not to meet Bush." - Bono

"If the thundercloud/Passes rain/So let it rain/Rain down on me." - MLK, The Unforgettable Fire.

"Sweet the sin/But bitter the taste in my mouth/I see seven towers/But I only see one way out." - Running to Stand Still, Joshua Tree

"We may not be the most musically accomplished band in the history of rock 'n' roll but I think we are amongst the most original." - The Edge

"I'll see you again when the stars fall from the sky/And the moon has turned red over One Tree Hill." - One Tree Hill, Joshua Tree

"And kingdoms rise/And kingdoms fall/But you go on." - October, October

"Sessions are not exactly filled with laughter and joviality. Frequently we're being told how crap we are by Bono." - Adam Clayton

"A woman needs a man/Like a fish needs a bicycle." - Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World, Actung Baby

"I've had enough of romantic love/I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up/For a Miracle..." - Miracle Drug, How to Dismantle an atomic Bomb

Oh how I could go on forever. You can learn a lot about a person by their favorite U2 quote. Now it's your turn. What is your favorite? It can be either from a song, from a speech or just about them.

I Suck as a U2 Fan!

2009-03-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

My friend K8 had to forward this to me. I didn't even know they were on Letterman. I can't let having kids get in my way of my U2 obsession! ;-) It's pretty awesome though No?

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-02-19T11:39:00.001-08:00

Yeah - it's my birthday and I'm telling the world about it. I'm not ashamed. I'm going to say to the world -"Hey world! I'm 33 today and I want you all to tell me how fabulous I am because - it's my birthday and I deserve to be showered with fabulous comments." In true blogger fashion, I'm going to tell you at least 33 fabulous things about me (because I'm narcissistic like that) and as my present you can say one nice thing about me in the comments section...actually if you want to say a mean thing about me then go ahead, but remember - that would be mean.

1. My 30th birthday was the worst day of my life because I thought that by turning 30 I would a) Never have the chance to get married and b) never have the chance to have children...Both of those things came true and I'm eatin' my words people.

2. I've had a crush on Larry Mullen Jr. since I was like 10.

Most people don't know who he is and if you don't - shame on you. He's the one who formed U2 everyone - NOT Bono. I told Robbie that I've loved Larry longer than I've loved him, but definitely not as much. This was my Christmas present and shows you how much my husband loves me:

3. When I was 21, I went to a Neil Diamond concert and found out which hotel he was staying at. I hung out in the lobby until his bus rolled in (that should be a line from a song) and screamed "I LOVE YOU NEIL" at the top of my lungs when I saw him. A security guard warned me that he'd have to escort me out if I got any closer to Mr. Diamond. I ignored him then I went and hugged Neil's bongo drummer...it was a great day. By the way - my friend and I were the only women there under the age of 47 & 1/2 and Neil kept giving us the "I love you" sign.4. I've given this man a handshake. If you don't know who he is - again - shame on you. He wrote one of the most beloved Christmas songs. He's a jazz legend people. It was an amazing experience and one that would have to be given it's own post to explain...

5. I went on a business trip to Spain and France all by myself and it was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on. I visited all the places I wanted to and didn't have to worry about anyone else. I seriously debated whether or not to backpack across Europe by myself after that and I don't know why I didn't...Great - now I'm bummed.

6. I'm somewhat of a daredevil (in the North American sense of course) and will try almost anything once. I've jumped off cliffs, eaten cow stomach and tongue and have time and time again left my comfort zone in order to try new things and face change in the...well...face (ie move by myself to California - specifically Long Beach which can be very scary).

7. I secretly think my husband can be a little overly cautious. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, because he's definitely going to be reading this tonight. I LOVE YOU ROBBIE!

8. I always get the winter blues which is partially why I've always been so happy to live in Southern California - because it's never winter here. I'm so happy to live in the land of eternal sunshine and only miss the snow when I get a hankering to go snowboarding.
9. I hiked the Subway in Zion National Park with some friends. My friend's friend's dad (get that?) insisted on going with us and slowed us down so much that we got stuck in the canyon overnight. They told us not to light fires, but we did anyway because we were STUCK IN A CANYON OVER NIGHT with nothing on but our swim suits and shorts (there are various parts where you have to wade through water up to your neck). The next morning, my friend's friend (can you tell I didn't like her?) totally got us lost and I almost fell off a cliff - yeah, she said she knew where she was going...I still haven't forgiven her.

10. During another Zion trip, I repelled down slot canyons with some friends and had a lovely time. Again we were running late and would've had to stay the night in the canyon again (why do I associate with people like this?) this time it was the Narrows. As we were rushing to get out of the canyon, a girl in our group was trying to find a short cut when she almost fell off a cliff. My friend almost fell off a cliff trying to save her. (I now can see why Robbie is so cautious...I've been really stupid.)

11. I have a blue dot on my forehead because this unnamed person *cough*Stephanie Graves*cough* and I were joking around in 9th grade math class. It got a bit sarcastic...okay it got a LOT sarcastic...and I threw out a comment that even got the teacher laughing. She was so embarrassed that all she could do was throw a pencil. It lodged itself into my forehead and broke off and from that time forth I've been cursed with a blue dot. I can't say I really liked Stephanie Graves after that. Should I mention that I hold grudges for decades?...Nah!

12. I hate green beans and gag at the sight or thought of them...even when I'm not pregnant.

13. I try to have a good attitude about things that are out of my control. I learned to do this on my mission in Uruguay, because I hated it for the first 6 months and had to decide to be happy.

14. I love Snowboarding.

15. I love Waterskiing.

16. After almost 3 years of working on it, I've almost memorized the piano piece "Clair de Lune" by Claude Debussey. I'm not the greatest pianist in the world so the mere fact that I can actually play it is a miracle in and of itself - because it's not the easiest piece in the world to learn.

17. I LOVE my calling in church (primary chorister) and feel so bad that I haven't been able to do anything about it for the past 4 months due to bedrest and having an infant who can't go out into groups.

18. My favorite color is purple (most days) and other days it's red.

19. In its prime, I was a closet "Saved by the Bell" fan.

20. My life is a musical. You might be able to say almost anything and I'll find a song to go with it.

21. On my mission, I was my companion's radio. They would request a song and I would sing it. Sometimes I would even dance for them.

22. My stake president was my OB and I didn't feel a bit weird about it...okay - sometimes I did...

23. I'm the 6th out of 7 children and my siblings call me the golden child - because that's what I am...I am golden. I wasn't the favorite per se - that title went to JJ (even though my mom denies having a favorite).

24. I'm my mother-in-law's favorite daughter-in-law...I won't mention the fact that I'm her only daughter-in-law.

25. When I was in single's wards in my 20's I was the FHE Freak-Show. I would do my impersonation of a fountain (I have a great slit in my teeth to spit water through) or belt out "Johnny One Note" (always a crowd pleaser).

26. Did I mention I LOVE attention?

27. I dated a guy who was once crowned the Utah State Yo-Yo Champ who LOVED wearing capes...yeah - one of the darker eras of my life. I'm so glad I didn't make THAT mistake!

28. My favorite place in the world is Deer Lake, Washington. It's heaven to me.

29. I met my Robbie 3 months after getting the answer to my prayers to drop everything in Utah and move to Southern California.

30. Even though Robbie and I sell different things, we have essentially the same geographical territory and have lunch together most days (that is when I am actually out in the field working).

31. Robbie kissed me on our 5th date on a beach at sunset...it couldn't have been more perfect.This was taken the day after Robbie first kissed me. Notice the rug burn on my chin...yeah - he needs to shave more!

32. I love this face more than life itself:

33. I love this face more than life itself. He is my light and my joy and makes me laugh and smile every day. He is the reason I get up every morning and the last thing I see before I close my eyes to sleep at night. He is my best friend. I love you Robbie.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Good News!

2009-01-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

If you're a member of the G-Fam super secret blog, go here for the good news! If you're not a member and want to be (as long as I know who you are), send me your e-mail...

BREAKING NEWS - CONSPIRACY REVEALED

2009-01-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

NEW YORK,NY Upon further investigation into the US Airways flight 1549 crash, new information has been obtained through anonymous sources. According to these sources, the Suicide Afgeesenistani Terrorists have brought down US Airways flight 1549, not innocent and freedom-loving geese. This information has been covered up by the US Government.

Using technology obtained from Hamas in the Geeza-Isreal engagement during the first few weeks of 2009, the terrorists have utilized Technical and Avian Armaments (T&A’s) that include stealth camouflage technologies which stimulate native migratory birds. In its infancy, this technology was limited in attack to land bound slow-moving objects.

Top secret footage has been acquired through connections with current and former American officials, outside experts, international nuclear inspectors and European and Israeli officials. This footage, as shown below, was known to be in the hands of terrorists ever since the 7 day Canadio-Hamas incident on the small Canadian fishing village of Gloznok in the early 1960’s. Though not to the level of technology that took down US Airways flight 1549, the following T&A was in its infancy and was limited directly to civilian and small land based vehicles.

The reality is that the military industrial complex of the Arab states has been hard at work and has now perfected attacks against US Military personnel and aircraft with the use of seagulls. This attack was sporadically documented by MTV in the 1980’s during the pop-music era. Legitimate media coverage was never given to the American public but was only encountered in covert Cold War operations via subliminal messaging throughout Asia, Europe, Africa, South America, Australia, North America, and Antarctica.

As seen above, this revelation of the new domestic security steps taken, according to George Bush, to “protect the homeland from the Axis of Evil,” seem to be nothing more than propaganda of the US Government to cover up the problem. This proves the theory that not only terrorist seagulls, but also terrorist geese are attacking our nation and its citizens at the full knowledge and participation of the US Government.

America is Under Attack!

*Hamas has refused to comment on this exclusive photo of US Airways Flight 1549 prior to release*

Editors Note: I, Em-Cat, am known as a field contributor/editor in the above article. My husband has been working on this piece for at least 36 hours straight, and even though it may be only funny in his head, it's been absolutely delightful to hear him giggle every 30 to 60 seconds as it has made its way from his brain to the page.

RandEM-CATs - Pregnancy Style

2009-01-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

I think I've just been enlightened. I've decided that whenever I have a crazy random thought or funny dream or I just want to get something off my chest, I'm going to give you a few "RandEM-CAT's" - clever title huh? Yeah - that's probably only clever in my head...

So without further ado, Here are a few RandEM's for your reading pleasure...

What is UP with 80 degrees in January? I didn't think I'd be sweating like a pregnant cow in the MIDDLE OF JANUARY!!! Say a girl gets pregnant in oh - I don't know - April and thinks "ROCK ON! I don't have to suffer through the heat my last trimester because I'M DUE IN JANUARY!!!! Have I mentioned that it's JANUARY and it's 80 degrees AND I'm sweating and I'M DUE TOMORROW - TOMORROW FOLKS!!!! Okay - I think you've had enough of CAPS and exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!)

If you know my real name isn't Em-Cat and you're one of my super-cool secret friends and you haven't thought to check my super-cool secret blog for a while, go here for the 411 on how my prego-self is doing. If you are all of the above and haven't gotten an invite to my super-cool blog let me know and I'll add you to my list of peeps.

Have you checked out this blog? If you haven't and you love to get fun, clever ideas - I think it would be in your best interest to check it every day like me. Did I mention that I obsessively check blogs? Sometimes I check them like 3 times a day - that's how pathetic bed rest has made me. Oh - this is another blog that will make you belly-laugh at least once a day - that is, if you like a good belly-laugh, which I do.

Okay - this last one just made me laugh and I had to share it with y'all...it has nothing to do with me or my pregnancy, other than I can relate because pregnancy has made me a complete idiot. P.S. I totally stole it from another blog, but whatev - if you haven't figured out yet that I'm an utterly shameless idea-stealer, then I think you can just go check someone else's honest and scrupulous blog.

My Burden

2009-01-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

The following post has terminology indicitive of my status as a member of the LDS church. If you aren't a member of the church and would like to know the meaning of some of the words I use go here and/or here.

Yesterday I had a mini breakdown. Remember when I said that I was going to have a happy pregnancy and that I was going to have a good attitude about bed rest? I think I've done a pretty good job with both of those tasks, but yesterday was just one of those days. I found myself saying words I've heard my mother use over and over again..."I can't live like this anymore!!!" When my mother used these words, she usually meant her house was way too messy - well that was the reason I used those words yesterday. My pregnancy horemones give me anxiety over a few messy dishes in the sink or a disorganized countertop - either that or I'm just an anal clean freak (it's most likely the former). I started thinking about it though, and began to feel the heavy burden this pregnancy has been. I knew I had reached a breaking point and that I was ready to be done with all of the trials I've been enduring over the last 9 months. It reminded me of a lesson I learned not too long ago.

I've said before that I thought I waisted my 20 something years waiting. I was waiting for my eternal companion to come along, waiting and wondering why God would make me stay single for so much longer than almost all of my friends. I feel like I wasted my time waiting rather than living my life to its fullest potential. Each time I would complain about my single status to my mother, she would always say "You need to give your burden over to the Lord and everything will work out how it needs to work out." I would reply with something like, "But I've already done that so why don't I feel any better?" The fact is that I really didn't fully give my burden to the Savior, I kept a part of it with me, because I was, I think, afraid of letting go entirely of something that had been my companion for so many years, no matter how miserable it made me.

My 30th birthday was one of the hardest days of my life because I thought it was all over. I thought 30 was the point where few, if any, Mormon women had the chance to find the one they would be sealed to forever. After that, I decided to be happy with how my life had turned out and that I would cherish all of the good things life had to offer. Not long after that I had a discussion with my Heavenly Father where I truly gave the burden of my singularity over to my Savior and I felt more happy and liberated than I had ever felt before. I felt light and free from the cross that had held me down for so long. Three months later, my Robbie entered my life, I think, because I had finally learned what Heavenly Father was trying to teach me. I'm not saying that if you're single, this is how to get a man, but it was the way I was finally able to be happy and content with my life.

So there I sat yesterday, feeling the weight and burden of this pregnancy and all I could think of was how tired I was of it all. The sickness, the kidney stones, the ER/hospital visit, the early labor, the gestational diabetes, the high blood pressure and the scare that all of this may affect and/or harm my baby. I can't say it's been easy to bear - in fact it's been down right difficult and yesterday I didn't feel like I could endure any longer and wondered why the Lord chose me to deal with it all.

Then I started to think about my discussion with Heavenly Father a few short years ago and I remembered that I learned that lesson for a reason. Being single wasn't the one last burden I would ever have to bear in this life. There would be others, many others and the lesson I learned would need to sustain me through all of them. So I know it's time, again, to get on my knees and have another discussion with my Father to, yet again, hand this burden over to my Savior. If I didn't, wouldn't his death and atonement for my sins and afflictions be in vain? This is why He came to this world, to be the one perfect being who could suffer and atone for all of us. He is the reason why we don't have to "live like this anymore." The only one who could truly understand and empathize with all of the trials and suffering that come with being alive. I can only say now that I am grateful for the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that I always have someone to go to when I feel my load is too heavy to bear.

Ode to 2008

2008-12-31T17:10:00.000-08:00

Another year...gone. Am I the only one who feels achy and old? Time sifts away "like sands through the hour glass..." and no I haven't become addicted to "Days of Our Lives" since I've been on bed rest thank you very much. I mean c'mon where has the year gone? It's been both the shortest AND longest year of my life. Not to jump on the bandwagon or anything - okay, okay that's exactly what I'm doing - but here are the highlights that have happened to Em-Cat this year...I think my New Year's resolution will be to start referring to myself in 3rd person...

My Alter ego is a Porn Star - The fact of the matter is that some girl is out there pretending to be me AND she's a porn star. I'm still not sure if I should be eccstatic or really creeped out. I kinda feel like Phoebe Buffay and I've just discovered that my evil twin Ursulla is using my name in her porno videos...you're right - I should be creeped out. Yeah, that's what I've decided.

I discovered that Ron Paul and I are total homey's - Okay - for all of you who said or even thought I was a "crazy ultra-conservative lunatic" (yes I heard it directly AND indirectly from quite a few people) to be supporting someone who went totally against the grain politically and had the audacity to want to take the country back to its Constitutional roots (Oh that is SO 18th century!) - doesn't his ideals and standards look pretty nice now that our country is in a total downward spiral? I mean we're talking bailouts, a messy war that has totally become Vietnam numero dos and countless other things that I can't even mention because I can't think of them right now (I blame my pregnancy brain - hey whatev, I have two weeks to use that excuse and I'm going to do it dang it!). I just feel happy that I stuck to my guns and voted my conscience, no matter how many people told me I was throwing my vote away. I actually felt at peace after leaving the voting booth and know I did the right thing...SO PA-CHA!

Good bye Uncle Farrell - My mom's brother passed away in April. He was such an amazing Father, Brother, Uncle, Grandfather. He was one of those guys who was very shy and modest and preferred to sit on the sidelines to watch people interract with each other than to do any interraction himself, but once you got him going he was great for a laugh or a nice conversation. He had a full and colorful life and never took his family and friends for granted. He's gone home with his amazing wife Kay and those of us who knew him well are better people for it.

Robbie and I took a trip to the Paraiso de Puerto Rico (I think I sang "I like to be in Ame-ri-ca..." the entire time "I like the city of San Juan...I know a boat you can get on") - It was a total work related trip, but we managed to turn it into a lovely little vay-cay as well. No offense to my PR-peeps, but we were at a bit of a loss. I mean, we totally had a fun time and found cool light houses, explored the old Spanish Fort and fell in LU-OVE with the local comida (our favorite was the tostones and virgin pina coladas). But HELLO - I got eaten to DEATH by mosquitos (BLAST to my sweet blood) and what is up with the policia and ambulancias driving around all day and night with their flashing lights flashing (um aren't you supposed to turn those on in an - oh I don't know - emergency?)? Yeah - and there's this crazy fascination with Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King and Church's Chicken - in that order...every 1/2 mile or so you'd see the same line up of grease pits. We could be driving through the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden there they were - Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King and Church's Chicken. Can you say Pa-sycho? Oh and one other thing - where are the waves of the ocean? They just didn't happen in good ol' PR. Needless to say we love our little Newport Paradise and may just go on vacation HERE next time we need a little R&R.

We made it to our 1 year anniversary!! - I'm still in awe that I actually found THE BEST guy on the planet to marry. Many of you may protest - but it's true - My Robbie IS the best guy even if he's just my best guy. By the time my Robbie came along I thought all the good guys had been taken or were members of my family and I wasn't about to go there...eeeewwww. We spent our anniversary in Moab, Utah. We hiked and enjoyed the scenery and totally perfected dutch oven peach cobbler. We felt like we were roughing it even though we stayed in a cabin with lights and a heater. By "roughing it" I mean we had to walk more than 5 feet to use the public bathroom and shower AND we had to cook our own meals - OUTSIDE mind you. Don't worry - we made it through okay and didn't get any diseases or anything. We had tons o' fun even though it was a little far of a drive for a short weekend.

Clearblue Easy confirmed Robbie's suspicions that I was pregnant...I was acting a little more Psycho-er than normal and the only food items that appealed to me were saltene crakers and gingerale. Every time I complained about morning sickness he sweetly reminded me how gung-ho I was about reproducing...he stopped saying that when I chopped is little pinky-toe off though - luckily I let him keep it so he could have it re-attached*.

*For those of you who don't get my humor - that was a joke - I didn't really chop his pinky toe off...but I would have liked to...

I decided to have a good attitude about being so sick and sooooo pregnant - then I got Kidney Stones and spent 4 days in the hospital feeling like death would be a nice vacation. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Even though I was sure we were going to have a girl...the ultrasound didn't lie - IT'S A BOY!! I didn't know I could be in love with more than one man, but yes I fell madly in love with this little fetus growing inside me. Robbie and I were both so excited when we found out we were having a boy and just the other day we found out that his *ahem* manhood is quite impressive. Needless to say, Robbie is a very proud papa.

I get put on bed rest and get to spend each day focusing on my little J-Dawg. I wasn't happy at first, but realized that this was God's way of giving me an opportunity to serve and sacrifice for my little man. It's truly been a growing experience and I've really felt priviledged to be my little J's mommy. I look forward to being his mommy when he comes to us in this life and on through the eternities.

I Voted Yes on Prop 8. I ain't gonna lie...this has been a tough one for me. I felt so bad (actually the words hurt and angry sum up a little better what I was feeling) about the scrutiny the church was getting for our support of Prop 8, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns and felt confident in my vote. I felt horrible about the protests at the Temples, but this whole experience has taught me to love everyone, despite our difference of opinions. I honestly pray each night that I will love those who are against Prop 8 and it has really made all the difference to me. I've also gained a greater assurance that Thomas S. Monson is truly a prophet of God and I will stand by him through sunshine and storm. I don't have any more hurt or anger over this issue and feel like I understand a little more what it means to love my fellow men.

Well, as I stand on the threshold of motherhood and look back at 2008 I'd say I've learned a lot this year and all I can say to 2009...BRING IT ON BABY!!!

I Think I Married a Scrooge

2008-12-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

Imagine if you will the following scenario...

Me: "I finished putting together the songs for our annual Christmas CD." (note: We give a CD to our friends and family every year instead of a Christmas Card...It's pretty sweet this year if I say so myself.)

My Dear Husband: "Oh that's nice. You do such a good job at that."

Me: "I really want you to listen to the songs. When we get home do you want to listen to it with me?"

MDH: "That's okay. I trust you. I think you did a good job last year."

Me: "Yeah, but don't you want to hear what I picked?"

MDH: "No, I trust you."

Me: "Yeah, but I'd like to see what you think since it's from you just as much as it is from me. Besides you vetoed some songs I picked last year"

MDH: "Well, I know you better than I did last year and I know your picks will be just fine."

Me: "Well how 'bout I make you a copy of the CD and you can listen to it while you're out running errands this afternoon?"

MDH: "Mmmmm....nah...that's okay."

Me: "What? Why not?"

MDH: "I don't really like to listen to that much Christmas music."

Me: "What the...?"

MDH: "Yeah, it's just a little too much cheerfulness for me..."

Me: "Holy crap I married a Scrooge!"

MDH: "NO! I'm just saving myself for Wednesday and Thursday..."

Me: "Whatever...you're a Scrooge..."

I Promise I'm not Complaining...

2008-12-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling like that last post was a bit too whiny! I didn't mean to whine...I just feel bad for all of my 2 blog readers because I'm not filling your life with light-hearted funniness any more and have replaced it with mommy sappiness. Either your relieved because I'm so NOT funny, or your sad because you feel like I'm one of the greatest comic minds on the planet. If it's the first then your welcome. If it's the second then you really need to get out more...

I think bed-rest has made me extremely UN-funny...

2008-12-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

I used to joke with my dad that when he had open-heart surgery they took his sense of humor out and forgot to put it back in...seriously the man tells THE DUMBEST jokes on the planet and I swear he's the only one who thinks they're funny. I think the rest of us only laugh because his jokes were so NOT-funny yet he laughs pretty hard at them.

I'm looking at myself in the mirror (figuratively) and I find that I no longer have anything funny or witty to write on this blog-o-mine. It could be because I spend hours/days/weeks/months years/decades/millenia in this little box decorated with Christmas everywhere and very rarely get to go outside. All the while wondering if the goofy Em-Cat of yester-year will ever return or if the sense of humor fairy will completely revoke my crazy-self once the kid shoots out and replace it with sentimental mommy-ness.

I guess we'll just have to see. In the mean time, continue to enjoy the sentimental CRAP I give you, because seriously folks - it's all I have to work with!

Wanna Pee Your Pants?

2008-12-05T16:40:00.001-08:00

THIS is seriously the funniest blog post I've EVER read...

The Legacy of the Red Bicycle

2008-12-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

It was a beautiful June morning in 2007. The sun shone bright; a lovely but rare occasion considering most mornings were filled with the “June Glooms” of Southern California during this time of the year. A young bride and her beloved groom strode contentedly through rows and rows of goods being sold at the crowded and bustling swap meet. The world seemed the most delightful place to this bride. How could it be otherwise? Nothing could “rain on her parade” in this moment.

It seemed lately that her life was filled with beautiful moments. The man of her dreams had finally arrived at her proverbial doorstep. He entered her life and promptly swept her off her feet. From the moment he walked into the room, his blue eyes pierced her and his smile made her melt into a puddle of pathetic mud. It wasn’t long before she knew that no other man could ever make her happier and she knew that he would be hers forever…long before he even knew!

From the moment of their first kiss, this groom wanted nothing more than to make his bride happy. He built things for her from his own hands to make certain that her life was filled with beauty and simplicity. He made sure that if she were ever in need of anything, that those needs would be fulfilled promptly and completely. Mostly though, it was her wants that he made sure were always tended to. The young bride knew that if she wanted some chocolate, her groom would do anything in his power to make sure she had the chocolate. This is why on this particular Saturday morning in June they sauntered through the aisles of the swap meet looking for that one special thing.

The young bride had a vision of what she was looking for. It had to be red with a basket and a bell. The bell couldn’t be any ordinary bell, it needed to be a happy bell that would remind her and everyone around her what she felt in her heart at that moment.

The couple came upon a booth filled with every bicycle imaginable and instantly the bride was in heaven. She tried a few on for size and finally found THE one. The bright fire-engine red color was the first thing that caught her eye and then the cute little white hyacinths on the side and the red and white seat captivated her and she knew there was no other bicycle in the world that would do. There wasn’t a basket or a bell, but that problem was quickly remedied by the nice little Asian guy who showed them the variety of bells and baskets to choose from. As the bride took this bike for a little spin around the swap meet, she knew it was the one for her. The groom found one to suit him and they were off with their new purchases.

The next year was filled with memories. There were long lazy days at the beach, twilight rides through the neighborhood and lazy Sunday afternoons spent on their bicycles. Miles and miles had been ridden together with her groom composing moment after moment that the young bride would cherish forever. She never wanted those moments to end, and never really thought they would.

Then something happened that would change the couple’s lives forever. There was a baby on the way. They still felt like newlyweds and still rode their bicycles every chance they could. The thought entered both their minds that they would like to include their little baby on their bicycling escapades. They began making plans to add a baby carriage to the back of the bicycles and the thought came to the groom that they would need more than just beach-cruiser bicycles, but they would need bicycles with gears that were equipped to pull a baby carriage behind. The bride immediately protested. It wasn’t just the bicycle she didn’t want to give up, it was the memories.

Time for the baby to come came closer and closer and the groom felt it was time to find a new home for the bicycles. He found some newlyweds who wanted them and could continue their legacy.

The bride wept…and wept…and WEPT. She felt like these bicycles were a symbol of couple’s newlywed status. They symbolized the time they spent together, the year and a half of just the two of them. She didn’t weep for the material things that these bicycles were, but for the love and memories that they symbolized – for times now past and for an unsure, but bright future. She truly knew the bicycles had found a good home and was grateful, but wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of the meaning they had. Somehow though, she had to let go, move on and grow from a new bride to a wife and a mother.

Gratitude

2008-11-24T14:13:00.000-08:00

Imagine this scenario: You’re in Relief Society one day and someone passes you a clip board filled with opportunities to provide service. There's a sign-up sheet to bring dinners to sister so-and-so because she just had an emergency appendectomy. Next in the pile you find a sign-up sheet to donate Christmas gifts to a needy family. You come upon yet another sign up sheet to sew quilts for aids orphans in Africa. The list goes on and on and these "opportunities" seem endless. You faithfully sign up to make dinner, donate gifts and sew quilts because you've already felt the blessings that come from serving your fellowmen and you truly believe in the Relief Society motto "Charity Never Faileth."

What about those of us who are the recipients of your dinner, your gifts, your quilts etc? It’s as important to receive as it is to give - right? I’ve attended countless lessons on service, but don’t remember many on the topic of allowing oneself to be a recipient of service. I take that back…the topic is briefly touched upon when we receive these lessons on serving. But, do we honestly take that to heart? Why is it so difficult for us to accept generosity from others when we’re constantly looking for opportunities to give it?

I guess I’m writing this because I’ve come to that point in my life where I’ve had to rely on the kindness and generosity of others. I sometimes feel worried that I request too much from my Relief Society sisters and my ward. “I need meals on these specified days and I can’t eat barbeque sauce, green beans or cherries – Oh! And citrus totally makes me vomit. One more thing! I have gestational diabetes so please make sure you include plenty of protein and veggies and no sugary sweets please…oh and could you give me your right arm and first born child while you’re at it? Thanks….appreciate-cha!” One day REALLY soon I can just see them looking at me like “Are you kidding me?” all the while rolling their eyes as they walk away…*Sigh*

I haven’t even mentioned the sacrifices my family has made on my behalf…a sister who sends me funny gifts to keep a smile on my face, another sister who takes vacation time and buys a plane ticket to spend a few days cleaning my apartment, a wonderful mother who worries and frets over me who also has purchased a plane ticket to come visit and help me out around the house and a father always willing to chit-chat with his little girl while she's laying on her living room couch day in and day out. Not to mentioned the prayers and fasting that have come from my brothers and their families as well as all of the help and concern from my husband's side of the family. I feel so…undeserving.

Then I think of this amazing little baby growing inside of my body. I think of the cliché “It takes a village to raise a child” and I realize that the “village” has already taken part in the welfare of his little body and spirit even though he hasn’t been born yet. When I put this into perspective it doesn’t seem as difficult to accept the kindness and generosity all of you have shown and continue to show me and my family. Because of all of you, I’ve been able to make sure this little guy comes into this world safely and at just the right time.

In the Spanish Bible the phrase “Charity Never Faileth” is written “El Amor Nunca Deja de Ser.” Direct translation: “Love Never Ceases to Be.” To my wonderful friends, family and ward members: Your love will never cease to abide in my heart. Thank you for the kind service you've shown us during this amazing time in our lives.

Love, Em, Robbie and JT

It's been creeping up on me for some time...

2008-11-12T16:41:00.001-08:00

...and now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to have panic attacks!

Ya...I'm 31 weeks and counting. That means that in approximately 9 weeks (give or take a few here or there) I'll be pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something roughly the size of a peach. I don't know about you, but to me - that sounds HELLA...FREAKIN'...SCARY!

I'm getting to the point that I kinda wish I were an Elephant. I'm not talking about being a creature with a long nose that weighs roughly the same as 3 Chevy Suburbans (oh but I'm getting there - don't worry). I'm not even saying that I want a 260 pound baby (that's about how much they weigh at birth). I'm saying that elephants get to wait 22 months until their kiddos are born...that would give me enough time to work on stretching my you-know-what to the appropriate size.

I know - sounds CRAZY! Right? Everyone says I'll get to the point where I'll just want this little alien thing the #$&% OUT OF ME! But for now - I'm having dreams that I'm actually going to give birth to a 260 lb kid and I'm going to rip big time from my you-know-what to my you-know-where...Oi...Why didn't I get a surrogate?

I Voted Yes!!!

2008-11-04T14:59:00.001-08:00

To all my gay and lesbian peeps out there - I love you. I just had to put that out there before I start in on what I have to say.

I've been feeling really bad about how dirty this Proposition 8 campaign has become. Because I've been stuck on my couch for the last 3 weeks, I've had ample time to watch all of the "No on 8" commercials. Each new one that I've seen paints those of us who believe in traditional marriage as bigots who are trying to repress their brothers and sisters who have a different sexual orientation. I've honestly taken this personally because I have so many loved ones who are homosexual and I really don't want them to think that I don't believe they should have the right to be who they are and to love who they want.

Not too long ago, I threw out my opinion that homosexuals chose to be that way. After having some extremely profound discussions with some homosexual friends, I have come to feel that same sex attraction is a natural tendency for some people. Whether or not I believe they should act on that tendency is a different story. But, who am I to judge what they do with their lives? I can't judge them and I won't. If they choose to act and live as a homosexual just as I choose to act and live like a heterosexual, they have my blessing and all I desire for them is happiness and love in their lives.

After being married for over a year now, I have to say I believe in marriage between a man and a woman, in families with a mother and a father and in my right as a parent to teach these concepts to my children. I believe in freedom of religion, that if a church does not preach of or support same-sex unions, it has the right to refuse to perform such unions. I believe in my right as a parent to practice my freedom of speech and to be in control and approve of what my child learns in school.

Same-sex couples in California who are in domestic partnerships have the exact same rights as married couples.

"It affords the couple virtually all of the same substantive legal benefits and privileges, and imposes upon the couple virtually all of the same legal obligations and duties, that California law affords to and imposes upon a married couple." In re Marriage Cases, California Supreme Court, S147999, p. 2-3

I support this and I am happy that same-sex couples have the same rights and legal benefits as I do. To me, Proposition 8 is a re-definition issue. Why, then, do we need to have a debate to change the definition of a word that has meant one thing since the begining of time?

This is why I voted "YES" on Proposition 8 today. I have to say that I left the polling location (my doctor said I could go) feeling extremely content and happy with my vote. I know in my heart of hearts that it was absolutely the right thing to do. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, no matter where the marriage occurs.

If you don't agree with me, please don't judge me - because I'm not judging you. Please don't think I'm a bigot, because I love you and all of my fellow men regardless of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation or whether or not they love Neil Diamond.

Tuesday Funny

2008-11-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

This was just so funny that I couldn't help but share it with you. I just happened on a blog that had this posted - so I copied her (I know - I have no shame or creativity for that matter). I honestly started laughing so hard that I almost went into labor.

I never respond to tags...

2008-10-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

...but for this one I decided "What the heck!? I'm on bed rest - I have nothing better to do...Well, I guess I could be working and calling my accounts - but who wants to do that?"

This is the 4th picture in one of my picture folders. I may seem the essence of cool and class - especially to those of you who have known me for less than 4 years, but don't be fooled by the facade...deep down inside I'm as white trash as they come. I think it stems from all of the fake cowboys I was exposed to in high school. In public, I turned up my nose at them, but at night when no one was around, I would secretly cry myself to sleep wishing I could pull off wearing cowboy hats, pink wranglers that made my butt look 5 times bigger than it really was and lime green cowboy boots. Since that was out of the question, I turned to grungy flannel shirts, baggy jeans and being in love with Larry Mullen Jr. (U2's Drummer)...*sigh*

Anyhoo...back to the picture. When Robbie and I had the opportunity to go to a Monster Truck Jam, I jumped at the chance. He went straight to work making the perfect white trash T-Shirts (his said "Who Needs a woman? Marry your Monster Truck!" mine had like 20 pictures of Britney Spears and said "Mess with me, and you mess with the whole trailer park"). He made sure to grow himself a handle bar mustache and I went to my own personal make-up bag and pulled out my fake eyelashes, powder blue eyeshadow and pink frosted lipgloss...ya...I didn't even need to shop for that stuff...I told you I was white trash deep down inside.

If we had been in Utah, no one would have given us a second look, because everyone who goes to a Monster Truck Rally dresses like that every day. In California, it was a different story...I've never been stared at so much in my life! That was a great night! It's been too long since I've been to a Monster Truck Jam. As soon as this bed rest thing is over, I'm DEFINITELY going to treat myself!

I'm not going to tag anyone...but if you really want to do this tag, be my guest!

Hangin' with my little J-Dawg

2008-10-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: Recently, I was put on bedrest for the final trimester of my pregnancy by a very wonderful doctor who wants nothing more than to bring our little person into this world safely and in a healthy state. This is my tribute to bedrest and a healthy baby.

For the past week and a half, I've seen the world very different ways:

1)Looking up at the popcorn ceiling of my apartment. When I was a little girl I would look up at the ceiling in our house and find different shapes of animals and people. I would imagine stories about them and would wonder what they did to get stuck in a ceiling (they must have been naughty and were placed in a ceiling rather than on good solid ground :-)). There's a spot on my ceiling that isn't very popcorny and if I look really closely I can see some of the beams that hold up the floor of the apartment above me. I don't see any shapes of animals or people and haven't been able to imagine situations. This makes me kind of sad that I've become an adult and no longer have the childish imagination of my youth. Who knows maybe it's hiding in there someplace and I've just got to find it.

2)Even though I don't have a veiw of the street, I can see the world go by as I lay here slightly elevated on my left side. Just a few minutes ago I saw a squirrel running along the highest point of the garage roof just opposite from where I'm laying. The tree outside my window is changing colors - even though I live in the land of eternal sunshine. I find myself forever grateful for that tree. It's yellow dying leaves make me smile and help me to understand that there is a cycle to every life, that changes happen and that there is always a spring around the corner where our lives will be beautiful, green and new - though never the same.

3) There is kindness in others that I never could have imagined. I'm so lucky to belong to a church where service and unconditional love is one of the most important foundations. It can be pretty lonely laying here day after day with no one to talk to - especially for this little social butterfly whose happiness completely depends on her ability to chat and talk and build relationships. I have an amazing visiting teacher who has stepped up to the plate and has arranged for women in the ward to visit and chat with me and to bring me dinner. I have had the most wonderful experience getting to know women who I haven't had the chance to say more than two words to. I've been able to chat with friends and get to know them so much better than I would have had I been able to continue on with my daily routine of hitting the pavement every day to sell, sell, sell. To my dear Cheyenne - you are truly an Angel sent to me from Heaven and have made this experience more delightful than I could ever imagine.

4) My husband really is the best thing that could have happened in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without his funny jokes to keep my spirits up or his uncanny ability to calm my nerves when I'm about to succomb to the "CRAZY PREGNANT LADY" waiting to break out and cause utter mayhem. He tells me all the time that he loves me and that he loves to serve me. He is willing to sacrifice so many things to spend time with his "best girl." He is willing to clean the bathroom, do the dishes, the laundry and all the cleaning just so his little "clean freak" doesn't break down into one of her episodes (Who me? NEVER!). His blue eyes, his red dot and his amazing smile never cease to make the butterflies in my stomach flitter every time I see him. I hope you all have your own personal Robbies (or the prospect of one), they make life liveable.

5) I'm begining to understand what it really means to sacrifice and to love this little guy growing inside of me. I would do anything for my little Dawg. I wake up in the middle of the night to feel his gentle kicking and I take comfort that he's growing big and strong. I'm so grateful for the miracle of life - because my little J-Dawg is my miracle. I can already sense his personality and that he's going to be a vivacious, wonderful, amazing person. I feel such gratitude that I can be a part of his life.

I've decided that bed rest isn't a total tragedy, though it is difficult for me to be laying down for twenty-four hours a day. I'm taking this time to see the beauty in it, because honestly it is beautiful to be a mother and to do all you can to help your children safely enter this world. I think of all the things that he is going to have to go through just by growing up in Southern California and ask myself "Is it worth it?" My answer Yes it is! - he has every right to come to earth and to gain a body and to go through all of the trials and messes that this life throws at us. What a wonderful time to be alive and to help bring a life into the world!

Too Bad We Didn't See THIS Last Night

2008-10-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love...

2008-10-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

...the ECONOMY?

Thank you whoever you are...

2008-10-04T21:51:00.001-07:00

Can I tell you how much I love my husband? He tells me all the time how pretty I am, even though I feel like an enormous BEACH BALL. Actually, most days I feel more like a BEACHED WHALE. My sweet, wonderful husband will go so far as to point out other pregnant women and tell me how much better than them I look. What a guy! He's really begining to understand what makes women feel good! He really is sweet and I thank him for making me feel like I'm the most loved woman in the world.

Some days, however, it's hard for me to really feel pretty. I have a friend, who I just love, but whenever I tell her I feel like a beach ball, she agrees with me and then points out how big my ankles look. I know it's my fault for even mentioning it, but...are you kidding me? You don't say stuff like that to an emotionally b#%chy pregnant woman! Show a little compassion! For the most part though, people are usually pretty nice and tell me how good I look. These are usually people I know and deep down in my soul I feel like they're just saying those things to make sure I don't fall apart and start crying. In other words, I don't really believe them.

Well, today I was in the grocery store and went through the self check-out. Hello! Big mistake. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I should've let a trained professional scan my groceries, but I thought I'd save time. HA! Like that ever happens. I need to learn my lesson. Anyhoo...I was having a *&#$ of a time getting the computer to stop telling me I had to wait for the attendant or coming anywhere close to finding the code for garlic. **Note to self: don't use the self check-out if some of your groceries don't have bar codes** The "attendant" had to come and bail me out like 12 times.

When I thought I was about to lose everything from my cool to my maternity bra, the attendant asks me "So, how far along are you?" Oh no - my eyes begin to roll and I brace myself for what's coming! I sigh and tell her I'm about 6 months. I was expecting to hear what I usually hear..."Oh my goodness, I can't believe how big you are!" or "Wow! Now that's a big baby!"...in other words..."Holy crap you remind me of a beached whale!" But for once, in the 20 years I've been pregnant, I hear something like this..."Oh - that's so exciting! Is this your first? You are going to love being a mother. You look absolutely gorgeous!" She then went on to tell me how much fun boys were and that her first child was a boy and she wouldn't have it any other way, but before I walked away she made sure to tell me one more time how beautiful I was.

Stunned, I gathered up myself and my cart and headed toward the door. Slowly, a little smile crept on to my face. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. I actually believed a complete stranger when she told me that I was a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman. This was truly a break-through.

I've tried to have a better attitude about being pregnant, and for the most part...I have. I just haven't quite come to terms with my ever changing and expanding body. But thanks to the lady at Ralph's, I'm begining to really believe that big is beautiful.

Thank you Ralph's lady...you have no idea how much I needed you today.

And the weiner is...

2008-09-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

It looks like I have a bunch of crazies who read this blog. I've submitted my Whale of a Story for review to the editors of the blog book. Wish me luck! Hopefully they want stories of whale dorks (aka whale pee pee's) in their nice "family" publication. Thanks to all 12 of you who voted! I'm glad I have readers - even though your numbers are sparse. Maybe I'd have more readers if I posted more often...hmmm...Now there's a bright idea to think about!

Am I Funny?

2008-09-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

No...seriously...am I?

I've been pondering this question for days now. I personally think I'm hilarious, but that doesn't mean y'all do. Take this post for instance...you know the one where I announced that I got a little su'm su'm cookin' in my oven...as I wrote the post and as Robbie helped me with his incredibly super-fantastic-FREAKING-AWESOME photo-shop skills, we laughed so hard that I think I seriously burst my colon - I swear, my digestion hasn't been the same since. I mean, it was HILARIOUS guys...to us. We had images of people reading this post in our heads...we beamed as we imagined people laughing so hard they were falling off their computer chairs, we applauded ourselves when we imagined people getting stomach aches from how funny we thought we were.

Then the comments** started rolling in..."Congrats - you guys will be great parents!" or "Oh - morning sickness sucks I hope you feel better...yawn" or "Yay for you guys!...sigh I think I’m going to go read War and Peace." I actually had an anonymous sister ask another anonymous sister if Robbie really thought he was an amazing photo-shopper!!! HELLO! She actually was worried he was going to try to get into the Photo-Shop biznass or something. My own flesh and blood doesn't even get me!!!

**These "comments" have been changed to protect the innocent...and for comedic effect...not that it matters.

I think we had two comments regarding our hilarity. I guess I shouldn't expect the outcome to be as funny to all of you as it really is in my head. Oh if you only knew the goings on in my head…it would shock you! I guess my dreams of stand up are ruined.

So I have a preposition for you (p.s. preposition is my funny little way of saying proposition) I need my ego to be stroked. There’s this little publication I’d like to be a part of. It’s an opportunity to be a published in a blog-book that benefits the Nie Nie Recovery. I became interested in Nie Nie's story on another blog I check often. The blog book is going to consist of several funny blog posts (all being submitted by fellow bloggers) ranging from chuckle-funny to holy-cow-I-just-peed-my-pants-funny.

What I'm asking of you, my blogging lovelies, is to vote on a past post that's worthy of entering this most noble and worthy cause. I know there are a few of you stalkers out there who are a little bashful at commenting about ANYTHING on any blog out there, so I'm going to make it easy. You see the section over there to your left that says "Pick My Funniest Post"? Just click on a little button to the side of the post you think is the funniest and viola, you've contributed without so much as a click of your mouse. Contest submissions need to be in by September 30th so I'm closing the polls at exactly 9pm September 28th. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!!! I haven't been able to contribute to Nie Nie yet and I really want to...what better way than to use my SKILLS!?

Here is a list of posts to choose from:

Traffic School

Is it Really About Being Healthy?

A Whale of a Story

Guys Pay Attention to Me!

That's Right Folks...

If you want to participate in the contest go HERE...if you'd like to contribute to the Nie Nie Fund go HERE...Oh and if you want to find out what happened to Nie Nie check out her blog and her sister's blog.

I can't wait to see what you choose! I love you all...even though you don't think I'm THAT funny!

9-25-08

2008-09-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited I could pee...and in my current state, it's not a difficult thing to do.

It actually happens all the time...sigh...

Oh - and I forgot to post my favorite quote from the deleted scenes from season four:

Dwight: I notice you're wearing open-toed shoes. Since when did you become a whore?
Angela: There are a lot of things you don't know about me.

I swear some of the deleted scenes from season four were funnier than the episodes themselves. Who votes for directors cuts on the DVDs so we can see them uncut from beginning to end? I DO!!!

It's almost over...SNIFF!!!

2008-09-12T07:57:00.001-07:00

The above photo is my sister Melissa's 2nd to the last pic on her 365 Photo Blog. For the last year she has taken a picture a day. Lucky for us, this year had 366 days in it because of its leap year status!

At times this project has been a trying feat...just last week I thought she was going to go bald because of the copious amounts of hair she was pulling out due to her frustrations in finding the right photo. I love that she wasn't afraid to express her frustrations on her blog. I've done that and you my fellow bloggers responded with words of encouragement and made me feel much better...I love this little community that we've created and hope that our bonds can continue to strengthen.

If you haven't seen her blog yet please do so now. I promise you won't regret it. When you have a few minutes to peruse through some of her archives, you'll definitely see the growth she's had over the last year.

Melissa, you're an amazing photographer and an even better sister. I'm so proud of you and can't wait to see what else you have in store for your blogging family! I love you!

That's right folks...

2008-09-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

So I get this comment on a previous post from a friend of mine that I'd lost contact with. She didn't know I had a blog or that I was pregnant - in fact, I hadn't talked to her since my wedding over a year ago. She mentioned that she wanted to know what I was up to, so she "Googled" me. Interesting word "Googled." It can have so many meanings - actually, no, it only has one meaning, but I think it's funny that it's been incorporated into American Terminology. It's like free marketing for the worlds biggest search engine...like they need more exposure.

I always figured that if I could be "Googled" I'd have to be Angelina Jolie or Katie Holmes or at least have regular appearances on OMG or TMZ or something. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would show up on a Google search.

During my single years I Googled my maiden name and never really found anything. I was happy about that. Confident in my remaining semi anonymous in the world. Even when I started this blog, I didn't want to use my name because - Who wants their personal info to be plastered all over the web? OK - maybe some of us do, BUT I DIDN'T!!!

You could imagine my gut reaction when I read my friend's comment. No - I didn't just sit there saying - "Cool, I must be super popular since my friends can find me just by typing my name into a search engine." - NO! C'mon folks! There are crazies out there! You don't want them tracking you down and stalking you when you go to the mall or the post office or to the bathroom! I immediately Googled myself...using my married name this time. I didn't just find nice little me listed on a post of someone's blog (OK I found one link that had me on a post of someone's blog) -

NO! It looks like....well...um..........................................................

I'M A PORN STAR!

YIKES!

OK - so I'm not a porn star, but some chick with my name is and It's really FREAKING ME OUT!!! ME! Who has always been so wholesome and naive. Yes, believe it or not, I'm SUPER naive. Even after I've been married for over a year Robbie has to still explain things regarding the "Birds and the Bees" to me. Things I never picked up while being reared and raised in the Utah Bubble.

That's it...Google is dead to me now...I think I'm going to go eat myself out of a depression...

Ummm...

2008-08-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how YouTube has absolutely everything on it? I mean, I totally love it and could spend hours watching things like pug dogs making funny sounds or my favorite comedian at a night club or the leader of Georgia - the country not the state - go absolutely bananas because Russia is bombing his country and he can't control the South Ossetians.

Robbie and I were casually watching a news excerpt regarding the conflict between Russia and Georgia and all of a sudden the camera goes to the president (mind you, he's the president of an entire country - not the high school glee club) talking on the phone while slowly losing his will to maintain a calm and collected look and completely succumbing to his desire to chew on his clothing. We had to watch it over and over - because I couldn't believe a grown man would actually resort to this - I don't care how stressed out he is. Apparently this conflict is making him revert back to his childhood where sucking on his clothing was a nasty habit he just couldn't shake like wetting the bed or picking your nose - his parents are probably rolling over in their graves or rolling their eyes while watching the evening news.

Who knows maybe the poor guy still sucks his thumb when he's sitting in his bed at night thinking about how he's going to make it through his meeting with Hu Jintao (China's Communist Leader) the next morning. I really feel for him...

And the Flavor is...

2008-08-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, I bet you're all just waiting to know what flavor of bun that's going to be poppin' out of my oven in about 5...well you're just going to have to wait a little bit longer.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................................................... ................................................ ...................................................................................................................................................... .................................................................... ............................................................................................................................ "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me they long to be, close to you!"......................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................................................................... ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ .......................................................................................................................................................................

All right, all right, all right - I'll quit stalling, but here are a few cute pics first:

This is my little homey sayin' "WAZZZZZUP?"

Whew! My baby has 5 toes...wait! What happened to it's other leg?

We were told our baby would have its Daddy's Lips...OOOOH! So kissable!

And now for the Reese's Pieces...

Lips ain't the only thing this kid is inheriting from his papa!

It's a BOY!!!!

We're so excited to welcome our little J-Dawg into the family! I might go crazy with all the testosterone floating around here, but we're thrilled to have this new little spirit come into our lives. We already feel like a family!

Love,
Em-Cat, Rob-G-Thang and J-Dawg

Update and Some Photos...sorry no belly shots yet!

2008-08-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

As said in a previous post, July wasn't the best month of my life. I'm usually an extremely optimistic person, but for some reason pregnancy has made me a ball of negativism. Well folks, NO MORE! I've decided that I'm going to enjoy my pregnancy (whether I like it or not). No more complaining that I don't feel better, no more days spent whining that my intestines are going to shoot out of my mouth at any moment, no more crying and sobbing every time I have an exceptionally horrible vomit party in the bathroom (you know...wishing all of this would just go away).

News flash to me..."Honey, you're almost 5 months preggers and you're puking like you're only 2. Get over it and stop being a heaving ball of negativism that you'll eventually end up passing along to your unborn child if you're not careful." The truth is, I may just be sick for the entire 9 months, I might as well suck it up...right?

I've wanted to be a mom since the minute I held my first little Cabbage Patch Doll in my arms and felt so much love and concern for the little ball of plastic, yarn and stuffing. (I also remember Robin Campbell telling me little "Mary Lou" would run away if I kept dragging it around by its piggy tails) Really my dreams are coming true. I do, however, think it's funny how God blesses us with exactly what we've always wanted, but somehow we don't realize the cost of getting it. I think I'm going to love this baby so much more than if I hadn't had a rough go of pregnancy, just because of all we've been through together...the three of us: Me, Baby-G, and Robbie.

So - here you go...What you've all been waiting for: A few pictures detailing my
journey over the last couple of months...drum roll please!

This was the first picture Robbie could snap at me during our trip to the Emergency Room

Here's Picture #2...He told me he wouldn't stop taking pictures until I smiled...Who wants to smile when their kidney feels like someone's repeatedly stabbing it?

And here you have it folks...a smiling Em-Cat in the ER...it was the only way to stop him from snapping the photos.

I'm not sure why I'm putting these horrible shots of me onto the internet, but here you go...I told you I was puffy all over!

And here's one of the first photos of our little tyke...

Don't ever say I didn't give you a full body shot...

It looks like we've got ourselves a little thumb sucker...All my bad habits are going to come back to haunt me...I just know it! ;-)

So there you go...photos and updates. A belly-shot coming soon. Also - FYI - The G-Family Blog coming soon. It's going to be one of those blogs you're going to have to be invited to and have a blogger password for. Even though child predators won't know where I live if I have a blog that isn't password protected, just the mere thought of them being able to see my baby doesn't make me happy...so if you really, really, really want to see more photos, you're going to have to get a blogger password and be super cool cause I'm going to have to invite you to visit my super secret blog. Otherwise, enjoy my sucky writing and vague information.

Bleeding Love...

2008-08-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry...the YouTube video I embedded below isn't available any longer, but it was a great dance!

I promise this isn't going to become a "YouTube" Blog...but don't you just LOVE this dance? I really dig the song as well. I think the reason why I love it so much is because of the story it tells. Both dancers tell the tail of the lyrics to their audience, but seem to be in their own little world at the same time - really feeling every move they make...Sigh...oh to be a dancer! Can you tell I've been addicted to "So You Think You Can Dance" this season?

One &$%@ of a Month!

2008-08-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

Many of you are chomping at the bit to see more of my pregnant belly. I can't say I'm too excited to show it off. The thing is HUGE! Okay - not so much HUGE as it is ENORMOUS! I can't say I'm happy about the fact. Most girls really start poking out at around 6 months. Well, I look like I'm carrying triplets especially since I'm just over 4 months along and my belly is the size of Rhode Island...literally.

Over the past month I've had comments like:

"I can't believe your ankles are so swollen already!"
"You'd better take that wedding ring off before you have to cut it off!" - Too Late! Robbie and I had to cut it off last night.
"Let me guess, you're about 7 months along." When I told him I was 3 and 1/2 months he replied..."Whoa! That baby's going to be huge!"
"You look just like someone I know and when you walked into the store I thought 'Maybe she just gained some weight or something.'"
"I don't know how to lose weight...I always had a problem with it...when I was young I looked as big as you."

I can't say that I took any of these comments well. Actually, I'm such a ball of emotions that after pretty much all of them I came home and cried. Some days I don't know how Robbie can handle being around me.

Here's the reality: I LOVE my baby and am truly excited to be a mother, HOWEVER, I can't say that I LOVE being pregnant. In fact - being pregnant really SUCKS! When most women either don't have morning sickness or they get over it by the end of their 1st trimester, I happen to be well into my 17th week and still HORK (aka BARF) AT LEAST every 2 days or so. I figure I'm going to be one of those women who will be barfing until the day they deliver. Everything on my body is puffy...I'm just waiting for the gums in my mouth to begin retaining water. Energy went down the toilet at about week 4 for me and it seems like I'm always going to feel like I'm going through menopause - hot flashes are a daily occurrence.

Top all of that off with a horrible kidney infection/kidney stones at the beginning of July, a visit to the emergency room and a 4 day hospital stay...and you get someone who really has no desire to post pictures of herself and even update her blog in over a month.

I hate to be such a downer and I'm so sorry you, my blogging friends, had to read a complaining post, but I thought I'd better explain myself a little. Please know that many photos and updates are coming. I plan to document my hospital stay, kidney problems and all that has happened over the last month as soon as I feel the energy to do so. Just remember though, this blog is meant to be a WRITING blog - not a HERESWHATSHAPPENINGINMYLIFE blog - so expect essays...not a ton of photos. Eventually - when the baby is born - we'll have a Family Blog and you'll be able to see photos to your hearts content. Until then, you have to withstand my sucky writing!

For all of you who are TOTALLY sick of the Campaign...Have a good Laugh!!

2008-07-17T08:28:00.001-07:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

I tried to put my head in there at the end, but it looks like I'm more of a computer idiot than I previously thought! It's still hilarious right?

An UN-characteristic Post...

2008-06-27T17:22:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the booby shot (yeah - I know - they're getting huge), but even though I'm only 10 weeks, I'm poking out a bit. I want to document my growing belly. No one was around to take the picture, so I had to do it myself. :-)

It's true...I'm doing something that is extremely uncharacteristic of me...I'm actually posting something within a couple days of the last post rather than a couple of weeks or months, which is my current track record. I just feel so excited and blessed that I want to share with you - my beloved bloggies - the things that have occurred within the last few days.

To preface, I must say that when I first entered the blogosphere, I was apprehensive. I wasn't sure it was something I could keep up with and I didn't want to share too much information on a public site. In creating my writing blog, I wanted to have an outlet where friends and strangers alike could have the opportunity to read and critique my writing - without divulging too much personal info. I've tried to keep things somewhat untraceable and know I've failed at that a few times. It's been a great few months and I've loved documenting some of my craziest and most memorable stories.

That being said, I feel like I want to document this 40 week journey that began a short 10 weeks ago. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought this thing would last forever, but the first quarter of it has gone by pretty fast and I can't believe I only have 30 weeks left! I'm sure all of you mommies out there are rolling your eyes and saying..."Oh honey, just wait. You have no idea what's about to hit you!" I'm sure I don't, but for posterity's sake and for my sake, I need to describe to you the emotions that have been surging through my brain lately.

From the moment I married the man of my dreams, I was excited to start a family with him. I had spent my entire dating career not being able to envision an eternity with any of the men I dated. I got to the point that I was a hopelessly lost cause, or so I thought. I was 30, Mormon and single...it's not a very impressive cocktail within the the LDS Church. It had become an almost daily battle hearing things like, "...but your so pretty, why can't you find someone to marry?" I knew it was really bad when my non-Mormon friends and colleagues started saying this to me.

When my Robbie came into my life, I had given up on ever finding the right man for me. You can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was that this amazing, warm, kind, gentle, loving person (I could go on and on), was actually as interested in me as I was in him. I won't bore you with the details, but our courtship was a dream to me. It wasn't without bumps and detours in the road, but I think that's what I loved about it. I was going through changes and learning so many new things with someone I loved and cared for so much. I love you Robbie and don't know what I would ever do without you.

He's obviously put with a LOT over the past year. My crazy personality can get a bit (did I just say a bit - I mean SUPER) overwhelming for someone as easy-going as he is. He's been a trooper though, and has kept me focused on the more important things in life...like having a baby.

I wanted to get going on a family right away, but if I am the Kite, Robbie would definitely be my Anchor. He kept us focused and made sure we made well thought out decisions. Once it was time to start our family, we both knew....and once I was pregnant...we REALLY both knew!

I was, to say the least, a complete bundle of crabbiness and once again, my beloved husband handled it with ease and grace and patience. And then the morning sickness REALLY began and the crabbiness and emotional instability became outright whining. Robbie was not only a husband, he had to become a wife too and take over every household responsibility that had been previously shared.

I felt, and still feel, so sick and cranky that I honestly wasn't excited to have a baby and to be a mother. Robbie continued to remind me that I shouldn't complain because I was the one so impatient to begin a family. I tried to put on a good face when people would get so excited for me as I gave them the news, but I felt so completely ill, that I couldn't find the strength to be excited for what was ahead. I was dissappointed in myself. I knew I needed to be jumping for joy, but I felt like if I jumped too high, I'd lose my lunch.

Today that all changed. I went in for an appointment to check the results of my blood tests and urinalysis...I had a shining bill of health for those of you who care. All of a sudden, the doctor whipped out a little ultrasound machine that, instead of a visual monitor, had a little speaker. I didn't even know those things existed and I certainly didn't know he was going to do something like this. If I would've known, I would've insisted on Robbie being there - but alas he wasn't.

The doctor poured the jelly on my tummy and started to feel around. We were chatting about this and that and then he stopped and said "Well hello there mommy." At first all I heard was static that sounded a little like a primary kid making funny noises into a microphone and then it was this little thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It was the sound of life, the sound of rushing blood through my baby's little veins and suddenly every joyous emotion and every ounce of love I could muster up came rushing into my being. I finally came to the realization that I have a little person inside of me...I'm a mommy!

If you told me two and a half years ago that this would be happening to me, I would've laughed in your face. Isn't it strange how life happens? One minute you're just walking down the street minding your own business, the next minute you're living every dream you've ever had since you were a little girl.

Though this journey isn't going to be without its struggles, I know it's going to be a happy one. Not just my 40-week-journey, but the rest-of-my-life-journey as well. I feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband and that God has entrusted us to take care of one of His blessed little spirits. I'll continue to write down the details of this journey, as long as you're willing to continue to read them.

Good night my blogging friends!

Um...Honey - I think he has your...eyes?

2008-06-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

I don't understand how this could happen! We have a mail-WOMAN and she's Asian!!!

So...yeah...the word on the street is that I got a little something cooking in my oven. I would have to say that every once in a while - rumors do come true. YES! I'M PREGNANT!!! I'm due at the end of January. I must say that if the baby's late and I have it in February, my family won't claim it. We have too many February birthdays - and I don't think we have room for one more! But I do have to clarify, my husband REALLY is the father...I don't know what I'd do if our baby came out black. That would be a medical miracle!!! He could run for President some day and REALLY make some "CHANGES." - That one was for you Melissa!

My excuse for not updating my blog with REAL writing in like FOREVER is due to the fact that I feel like I have the flu every day and all I'm good for is sitting on my couch whining that I feel like my intestines are going to come rushing out of my mouth at any moment. Robbie's a trooper though and tries to make my life as easy as possible. We're seriously excited AND scared to be parents. It's going to be a crazy ride!

P.S. Robbie does freelance photoshop if you're interested. His prices are pretty high though...it's tough work to make photos look like they've been cut and pasted by a 5 year old. He's got a pretty impressive resume...he does all those Osama Bin Laden videos.

Do We Really Want This Man to be President?!?!?!?!?

2008-06-06T15:18:00.000-07:00

But then again...George Bush can't really count either and he served two terms (almost). Ugh! Where is this country going?

Expelled

2008-04-22T21:33:00.000-07:00

If you love agency, freedom and light - you NEED to see this movie. We saw it tonight. Anyone who believes in a higher power who created light and life would do well to see what "conventional scientists" think of us. It's shocking to know that Atheist/Darwinist/Scientists believe that those of us who know that a loving Father created us and life as we know it, think we are "unintelligent" and "ignorant" due to our belief in a creator.

I'm always amazed that ideas that have been around since the the 19th century seem to trump something that has been around since the dawn of time. For instance, natural remedies have been around centuries, but our society calls drugs that were discovered in the late 1800's/early 1900's "Conventional Remedies." Darwin published his THEORY during the 19th century. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists etc. have believed in a higher intelligence (AKA a Creator) for thousands of years, and Darwin's Theory is supposed to trump Intelligent Design? Insanity!!!!

The movie "Expelled" makes me want to be a greater example of God's plan and a fierce defendant of freedom, truth and light.

She Really Doesn't Have Cancer...

2008-04-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

The woman in this video is Cari...My cousin. She doesn't have cancer, but has a disorder called Alopecia Ariata which is "highly unpredictable, autoimmune skin disease resulting in the loss of hair on the scalp and elsewhere on the body." It's not life threatening, she just doesn't have hair. I'm super jealous, because she doesn't have to shave her legs every day like I do...sigh. The funny/sad thing about this commercial, however, is the fact that she received sympathy cards and phone calls from people in her community thinking she had a brain tumor. The good news is that I'm famous by association! (oh...and that she doesn't really have cancer)

Video Killed the Radio Star...

2008-04-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

Time is running out...I know this has been a difficult challenge, but I'm about ready to close the mixed tape chapter of my blog and move on. If you'd like to submit your favorite song to the "Meaningful Mixed Tape" mix, please do so ASAP. I would love to hear from you, so please comment as soon as you can. If you have a hard time narrowing it down, just pick something you're currently listening to - I would totally dig anything you have to give me.

To those of you who've already submitted songs! I love them. This is going to be fun!!

Love,
Em-Cat

The Meaningful Mixed Tape

2008-03-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have a preposition for all of you...about, above, beyond, for, from, in...actually that was a bunch of prepositions. What I mean to say is - I have a proposition for you. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEE mixed tapes (aka mixed CD's, iPod Playlists etc.). I like using the phrase "Mixed Tape" because I'm a product of the 80's - don't judge. If you were one of the recipients of my "Making Out I" or "Making Out II" CD's, you know I have a knack for putting good music together. I even did a compilation CD in place of a Christmas card last year.

OK - so here's my proposition. I want everyone who reads this blog to tell me what your all time favorite rock, jazz, indie or pop song is - and we'll have the BEST mixed tape of all time. Don't be shy...if you've never commented on this blog before, it's not rocket science and it's easy to figure out. (Daddy - your taste in music is so fantastic that if I don't get a great Jazz piece I'm going to lose faith in all humanity.) I'm going to exclude classical since we're going for a different type of genre.

Once I have plenty of comments, I start mixing. Give me the name of the artist, the song title and the album. If you want a copy of the CD, e-mail me your address at emcatg@gmail.com. If you feel left out and want a copy of Making out I and II, let me know and I'll send those as well. I'm so excited! Get those juices flowing and start thinking of your all time favorite song!

GUYS! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those experiences where something so embarrassing happened that you wish you and everyone involved would forget it? The following is one of those experiences...THANK HEAVENS it didn't happen to me or I'd never lived it down (I'm still trying to forget the Salty Sea experience...hmmm...I guess I shouldn't have put that one into the blogosphere...What can I say? Sometimes I ain't the brightest star in the sky). I was actually one of the people who witnessed the following incident. Those of you who know me, know I LOVE to embellish things - you know for shock value - and the funny thing is, there is absolutely no embellishment in the following story. That's what makes it so incredibly HILARIOUS!

I have a dear friend named...Wait! I'm going to have to change her name to protect her innocence...hmmm...Let's just say her name starts with an "N" and ends with a "atalie." (What can I say? I have the personality of a 5th grader, too bad I don't have the intelligence of a 5th grader...If I had, I might have done better on the G-Mat, or at least had a higher nerd score - I'd better shut up before everyone online knows how dumb I really am)

I've been friends with Natalie since junior high school . I always thought she was the most natural, down to earth and fun-loving friend I had. She still is...She's always known when to be serious, but she definitely had this innocently funny personality when it was time to be silly. You'll know why I use the word "innocent" as you continue to read...

One night, some of my buddies and I decided to hang out at our friend Rachel's house. The bulk of us (by "bulk" I mean all of us but Natalie) became engrossed in a fascinating conversation - the content of which completely slips my mind at the moment (Crap! I think I'm getting early onset Alzheimer's).

After sitting there listening to us droll on about whatever it was we were talking about, Natalie piped up and said she wanted to watch a movie. We were too absorbed in our conversation to pay her any mind. I don't think any of us even noticed her leaving the room.

After a few minutes she reappeared at the foot of the living room stair case and announced that she had picked out a movie and everything was ready for us to join her downstairs. We all gave her this look like "uh...whatever" and continued on with our fascinating conversation about (in your best valley-girl voice) how cool drama is and how we're totally all going to major in musical theatre and like Larry Mullen Jr. is like totally hot and how cool Shayne and Sean are for inventing "red-mountain-ruby-dew-biting-cocktails"and how much Sterling Keyes reminded us of a younger version of "Mr. Holland's Opus" etc, etc, etc...She couldn't seem to get our attention, so she gave up for a few minutes and went back downstairs.

5 minutes passed and she reappeared, to once again to begin her futile attempts to try and persuade us to come downstairs to watch a movie!!!! This happened another 2 or 3 times. Finally, she just stood on the staircase glaring at us through the railing.

She must have been super bored, because after a few minutes of begging us to pay attention to her, she became silent. I think it was the silence that actually caught our attention. Simultaneously, the group of us turned our heads toward her and finally gave her the notice she'd been pleading for...It didn't really hit us until her sheepish little voice said "Uh, guys!?!?!? I think I'm stuck!"

Did she say "Stuck"? Why yes she did. "What could she possibly be stuck in?" you ask? Do you remember when you were like, I don't know, 3 years old, and your mom was constantly telling you not to stick your head between the poles in the railing? Right around 4 years old and after traumatically getting your head jammed between the railing poles like 12 times you finally figured out that it wasn't a great idea to put your head there. Somehow that concept never quite made it to the area of Natalie's brain where the "common sense" is stored. You guessed it...this 17 year old "almost" adult had gotten her head wedged between two poles and was furiously and fruitlessly trying to pull it out.

Everyone in the room burst out laughing so hard that our intestines felt like they were about to poke through our jeans.

Rachel had this high-strung cocker spaniel who got nervous any time someone looked at it funny. You can only imagine how this dog reacted with all the chaos. He simply didn't have any other option than to plop a dooby right smack dab in front of Natalie's wedged head. Naturally this turned our mere laughter into hollers of sheer joy and delight in seeing our poor friend in this situation. I swear I laughed all the cellulite off of my rear end.

The poor girl had to sit there inhaling the fumes of the doggy turd while we had our laugh out...Of course times like these required documentation. What kind of writer would I be without illustrations?Natalie With Head in Rail

Don't We Look Like the Cast of "Rent"?
(Top Row: Nicole and Danny Middle Row: Em-Cat, Natalie and Kelly, Bottom Row: Rachel)

After taking pictures and laughing some more, we finally Crisco'd her temples and slipped her right out. Natalie was such a good sport and still is about it to this day. I think she has to be...it's just something she's going to have to live with for the rest of her life.

Thanks Nat for giving me permission to tell your embarrassing story to my peeps online. I owe you one!

The Cutest Pig in the World

2008-02-19T18:08:00.001-08:00

I just couldn't resist posting this cute little bugger...(note the little heart on his side)
Happy (Late) Valentine's Day!
Oh! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I look fat in this brain?

2008-02-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

So I took this test to see how nerdy I am. I scored a 12 which means I'm not a nerd...however it said I wasn't that cool either. What does that make me? I guess I'm a "not-so-nerdy-girl-with-some-attributes-of-a-nerd." There's gotta be a better word for that. Let me know if you think of one.

I came upon this test via my friend Sancho's blog. He scored a 98 and deemed himself the "Supreme Nerd God Olsen." I guess in the Nerd-World that's super cool, but I'll take my score of 12 over 98 any day!

Congratulations Sancho...I'm worshiping you as we speak.

Song

2008-02-04T23:33:00.000-08:00

The lights begin to slowly fade away.

The excitement in the room becomes palpable.

All eyes move, one by one, to the head of the arena...

The drums begin their low rhythmic beat

bum, bum, bum, bum

Seconds seem like an eternity

My heart slowly begins the same rhythm

bum, bum, bum, bum

Suddenly, the bass begins its low melody,

Causing the blood to rush through my veins

Like a dam spilling into an empty ravine.

Softly, the guitar, glides into the river of my soul

Like a bird on the breeze.

I begin to escape

From reality and the repression of a monotonous day.

I soar through the air with the cool breeze gently tickling my face.

Finally, a voice...

A voice to give meaning to all the feelings

That have so long awaited to escape the recesses of my heart.

The voice that unites every hair, every cell, every molecule into one.I look around to see others surrounding me

And one by one, at different moments, I can almost see their transformation,

Feel their worries and cares melt into a sea of rhythm and symphony.

As we individually focus on this orchestra of the soul,

We begin to become one great organism.

Our hearts beat with the rhythm of the drums,

The sound of the bass,

The ease and flow of the guitar

And the uniting grace of the voice.

It is at this moment when I truly understand the phrase

"We're One, But We're Not the Same."

Can you tell I saw U23D tonight? U2 just does something to me. If you haven't already seen it, go...it's totally worth it.

A Whale of a Story

2008-01-26T09:05:00.001-08:00

This post is for all two of you who have actually checked my blog on a regular basis hopeful that the rantings of Em-Cat would one day continue. Yours is a labor of love, a pilgrimage to Mecca...through blood, sweat and tears your work has paid off and this post is for you. I have returned in all my glory to give you a silly story from the life of a lunatic...ME...Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This is an old story that I've told at many parties, gatherings and even church functions. It's also something that my family continues to tease me about to this day. If you've already heard this - keep reading - you may find something new to make fun of me about. If you haven't heard this story - I promise 100% that it's true - Honestly, I have Melissa, Matt and Johnny (the mouths of three witnesses) who will attest to my mania.

To start - you must know that I never got the birds and the bees talk...Ok - my mother will never forgive me for saying that in the blogosphere, so I guess I should say that I received my mother's watered down version of the birds and the bees. Those of you who know my personality, know that I have no inhibitions - this girl ain't afraid to ask questions no matter how uncomfortable it may make those surrounding me. Take these two facts and put me in a human biology class talking about reproduction...and you have a good old fashioned crisis on your hands.

Knowing this you can only imagine the dinner conversations we had during my high school years. They usually ended up with my dad shaking his head, my mom turning beet red and saying..."Emily...I didn't raise you to be this way!!!!!" and the rest of us lapping it up like members of a caravan at a desert oasis.

Then...came the sisters-in-law. You try joining a family whose younger siblings did everything in their power to make guests uncomfortable. To this day I'm amazed that any of my brothers actually got a girl to agree to a life as a Seamons. It was a feat that should be commended. I really should give all my sisters-in-law awards for overlooking the lunacy factor and joining our family anyway.

This story, however, includes poor Meg. JJ brought her home to meet the family one night and the girl got a large dose of crazy. Mel, Matt and myself became a huge ball of "let's see who can make mom the reddest." This of course meant bringing up dinner conversations that had happened years ago and the whole human biology subject.

I pipped in at one point saying: "You know what I don't get? It's how Whales do it...It's not like you tune into the Discovery Channel to see this whale swimming around with his huge schlong hanging down."

...and Matt replied: "Funny you should say that. I just saw a Discovery Channel program just the other day on the mating habits of whales and I swear the thing is huge...it's as big as our house!"

We all got a big laugh and Meg still married JJ and she's been a good sport ever since...but wait! That's NOT the end of my story.

Fast forward to about three years ago. It was summer time and I was bringing a boy home we'll call "Dye Job" to meet the family. I told my mom to warn everyone to be on their best behavior. This guy was super shy and I don't think he really ever understood me or my family at all...In fact, I actually wonder why he even agreed to meet them in the first place. Thank heavens we broke up after all this or I would have never met Robbie (aaaaahhhhh).

My mom told everyone to be good and a few days before the event I received an e-mail from Melissa that read:

"I hear you're bringing a boy home. I'll be good, I promise." Attached to the e-mail was this picture:

I laughed so hard I peed my pants!!!

The next day we were at a family gathering. Melissa and I were telling Matt and Johnny about the e-mail and Melissa said: "I actually cropped the picture...It had some funny statistics like...'when a whale ejaculates is emits 400 gallons of semen, only 10% of which reaches it's mate...Makes you wonder why the sea is so salty.'"

...and without missing a beat I looked into Melissa's eyes and without any guile said, "REALLY? THAT'S WHY THE SEA IS SO SALTY?????" For about two seconds I actually believed it.

There you have it...me on a plate. I don't think I'll ever get over my naiveté, and honestly, I don't ever want to. As you've already guessed, I kinda like making fun of myself. It makes for great stories...

Here are the stats:

It's time to take America Back...

2008-01-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays

2007-12-21T15:51:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
from the Gleason Family!

I just couldn't resist posting this photo of Robbie at around 10 years old. Robbie and I sat laughing at it for about 10 minutes. That poor Santa Claus probably couldn't feel his legs after the photo was taken. I'm a little frightened to bare his children!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very safe and happy New Year!

Love,
Em-Cat and Robbie

I know I'm a slacker...

2007-12-13T16:07:00.001-08:00

...and I was reminded of the fact by my friend K8 who commented on my last post (which was clear back on November 2nd mind you)..."Your lack of writing sucks." K8 - that was a wake up call. Especially since I've had so many things on my mind that I've wanted to write about.

I'm not going to give you all the excuses I have for not writing anything on my blog for over a month...let me tell you they're GOOD excuses...I'll just try to pick up where I left off!

Only in Southern California Can You...

2007-11-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Get the best Mongolian BBQ in the world...at the grungiest, most rat infested place ever...With waitresses who've worked there for over 30 years. Don't worry - no dog served at this place...California cracked down on that in the 80's.

Have 80 degree weather with light breezes on Christmas Day (OK maybe that happens in other places, but I've only had Christmas in two other locations, so give me a break!)

Have a Hollywood Screenwriters Strike that gets the news people saying things like "industry crippling" and "reruns" and "impact." I don't know how I feel about millionaires asking for more money and striking about it. Too bad the guild won't pay them $200 per week like the auto worker's union...cheapskates...Those writers will have to sit in their Hollywood mansions thinking about how they're going to pay their bills in 40 years when their money runs out.

There is a sad part to this...couch potatoes are going to have to get their butts of the couch and peek out the window. When it really gets bad, they're going to actually have to walk outside and exercise their muscles...hope they don't choke on the fresh air. Hey - at least we have youtube.

See a middle age, well dressed woman, standing at the end of a freeway off-ramp holding a sign that says "I need rent money."

Drive through certain parts of South Orange County where road-raged old men flip you off and land on their horn every time you exit a parking stall...it happened to me 3 times last week...I swear - old people hate me...except my daddy of course...

Drive south on Interstate 5 through Camp Pendleton and see a sign that essentially says
"Watch out for Mexicans."

Ugh...Tag

2007-10-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm a brat...Melissa and Cecily, I'm doing this against my will. Hey - at least I'm doing it. And YES I know that it's been far too long since I've posted. What can I say? I have a life!

I don't know enough fellow bloggers to tag back, so I'm just going to tag as many as I know. Too bad...I'm sure some meteor will smash down on me for breaking the rules of this tag, but hey - I'm taking my chances.

Ok, ok...so stuff about me...let's see:

After an amazing concert filled with middle-aged lunatics, I followed Neil Diamond to his hotel in downtown SLC. We weren't sure we had the right place until we saw the bell boys running around outside and the security guards getting everything ready at the elevators. A big bus arrived outside and one by one Neil's band filed out...And then I saw him...he had a hat on (the one that paper boys used to wear in the 1920's), big dark sunglasses (even though it was 10 at night) and he was smoking a big old stogy. My friend and I (who was also 21 at the time) started jumping up and down and crying and yelling "Neil! Neil! I LOVE YOU!!!". He couldn't keep his eyes off us (probably because we were the only women there under the age of 45) and pointed at us and said in his smoker, sexy raspy sort of way,"I love you too babe" and blew us a little kiss. The only thing that made it better was that the security guard that shielded us from Neil kept saying that he was going to "escort" us out if we got any closer...OH...and I ran into his bongo drummer after the hubub died down and he obliged me with a hug.

I can do a cartwheel in a skirt without showing much skin...I learned that in Uruguay. Imagine an Uruguayo peering out his/her window and seeing this crazy gringa missionary doing cartwheels in a skirt...No wonder no one wanted to listen to me...

I once dated the Utah State Yo-Yo Champion...a very black spot in my dating career.

I can do excellent impressions of an Indian call, a gorilla call, a monkey call and my mother...not that she sounds like an Indian, gorilla or monkey.

I used to clog when I was little and can still do the dance we did to "What A Feelin'" from Flashdance...though I think this version is much better than the one I danced to:

I'm totally addicted to my husband...the poor guy can't use the bathroom without me poking my head in and saying "Whacha doin?" But isn't he so cute? It really makes me happy things didn't work out with the yo yo guy.

I'm a daredevil - I've jumped off cliffs, traveled to Europe alone, water skied barefoot, I'll try any food or non food put in front of me - regardless of the color or smell...the one thing that freaks me out though is that moment before I get in front of an audience to sing...I become a mess and almost wet myself.

There you have it...7 things about me...so there! I tag:

Shana, Sabrina, Katie and Catherine

Have fun girls...and just do it - there's no getting around these things.

Is it really all about being healthy?

2007-10-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

...to some it is, to other's it's about putting on a show.

Does anyone know what a "Health Nut" is? Have you ever seen one? What is the definition of a "Health Nut"? I've checked Dictionary.com and even the Urban Dictionary and neither seem the be the wiser. I'm on a quest to define this term.

The Proverbial Health Food Shopper

If you haven't already guessed, I live my life bouncing around from health food store to health food store. It's amazing how people think you're more informed than their doctor...wait...I am more informed than their doctor...anyhoo...People are always coming up to me asking questions and when they find out that I'm a rep - well - let's just say I become "Super Doctor Emily" - knower of all knowledge and ailments. People are always asking me questions about what they should take for this, and what they can do about that...

Most often it's someone who is looking for something to help with their bowel movements...I'm not sure if I really want to go into details here, but it's amazing how open people are about what occurs after they stand up, wipe and look into the the cold porcelain abyss (aka the toilet). I'm not even phased now when someone begins a sentence with..."I know this sounds gross, but..."

I've become hardened...how did this happen? It all started with the following story.

Long before I became a rep, I worked customer service at a company that should remain nameless...not because I'm worried about confidentiality...I just don't think they deserve to be named. One day, I unwittingly answered a call and the conversation went something like this:

"Nameless Corporation That Doesn't Deserved to be Named, this is Emily how may I help you?"

"...uuuuuuhhhhhh...I thought a guy would answer..."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I wanted to comment on one of your products but I'm a little embarrassed to tell this to a girl. Is there a guy there I can talk to?"

"Hmmm...let's see. There's one guy who works in this department, but he just stepped out. Is there something you'd like to tell me? I promise I won't laugh and I'll write down your comment so our executives can take a look at it. They always want to know feedback from our consumers."

"Okay, if you're sure you won't laugh..."

"I promise sir"

"Well, I've been taking your ViraMax (this is an herbal product, similar to Viagra - P.S. Don't you hate their commercial...like guys really sit around singing about how they can't get it up) and I tell you - it works SO WELL!!"

"That's great sir."

"I mean, it's not like I have a problem in that area or anything."

"Of course not..."

"But, after I took your product, my Little General stood right at attention!"

"Your 'little general'?"

"That's right...I was so proud of him I almost shed a tear."

"...You shed a tear...okay...is that general with a capital 'G'?"

Yikes!

(More "Health Nut" stories to come...to be continued...)

Tribute

2007-10-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

Grandma and Emily circa 1977

On the evening of October 9, 2000 I walked into a hospital room to be with my grandmother as she died. Almost all of her family members were at her side. Before she slipped into a coma, she couldn't seem to believe that so many of us were there and had remembered to be with her at this time. A bit of remorse filled my heart when I heard this. I should have spent more time with her. I hoped that she knew how much we all loved her.

My brother Don had previously given her a blessing. He told her it was all right to die. We knew we would see her again. He told her that grandpa was "anxiously awaiting [her] arrival."

As we stood in the room surrounding Grandma's bed, our grandfather's presence was felt so keenly that each of us knew that this family would remain bound together even after this life. We had all been taught this simple truth, but somehow, this experience solidified it. My Grandpa's presence was so real that I thought if I turned my head a certain way, I'd see him standing there, smiling back at me. I knew I needed to do whatever I could to stay faithful and and progress in every way possible so that I could be with my family forever and one day see Grandma again. She enriched my life so fully and every single member of the family was blessed to have known this amazing woman.

As Grandma drew closer to death, her breathing became more and more labored. I felt like she was holding on to her last chance at life. Everyone in the room began to cheer her on and tell her that it was all right to leave us...we would see her again. All of a sudden she became peaceful, her breathing calmed and it was almost as if a light shone round her body...and then she was gone. Her spirit lingered there for a moment. Encircling each of us in her love, whispering to everyone how how happy she was to be our mother, our grandmother, our sister.

I leaned in to give her one last kiss and to tell her I loved her. Her body was cold, but I knew she was close by.

Grandma's sister was in the waiting room with her daughter. Aunt Kay had Alzheimer's Disease and didn't fully understand what was going on, but she insisted on being with her sister. She went into grandma's room where she was told that grandma had passed away. She quietly sat down next to grandma's bed and began stroking her hair. As she stroked and stroked she didn't say a word. All of a sudden her stroking became a little too much and grandma's eyes popped open. Everyone in the room was a little startled by this, but Aunt Kay got a big smile on her face and said, "Well, hi honey!" Amidst all the tears we had a good laugh. Grandma...I know you were laughing too!

Democracy?

2007-10-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

My life goes on in endless song

Above earths lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from Singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from Singing?

When tyrants tremble in their fear
An hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?

Traditional Shaker Hymn
Author: Unknown

I was listening to NPR the other day and Martin Sheen was on "Prairie Home Companion" he sang the above song to show his support to the people of Burma. I was extremely touched and haven't been able to get the song out of my mind since. I pray for the Buddhist Monks who desire freedom for their country and people.

One journalist editorialized on the subject.

"It takes a lot to make a Buddhist monk mad. That's one of the reasons why the image of thousands of them marching through the streets in Burma, protesting their lives under decades of brutal military rule, has sparked such international outrage.

"And maybe that's one of the reasons why the thugs that rule Burma don't want the world to see pictures of their response: The monks' dead bodies floating in the river, rotting in the jungle, and fallen in the public square." (Editorial, San Francisco Chronicle, pg B6)

These atrocities are appalling to us as freedom-loving Americans. But I pose these questions for you to think about. Are we as Americans, who love democracy and fiercely defend it when faced with opposition, really free from governmental restrictions? Do the laws of today truly reflect what our inspired forefathers envisioned? Are our leaders really upholding the inspired Constitution of the United States of America? Does the federal government have too much power, when the constitution gave power to each individual state? By removing God from our schools, public meetings and government, are we leading ourselves down a path to destruction?

These are things I'm constantly thinking about and would love to read your opinion...

Traffic School

2007-09-30T09:06:00.001-07:00

I love cheesing it with an orange rind in my mouth...It's so Liberating!

Yeah, it's been a few since my first post. I know I should have been over excited and posted like 9 times already. I have a good excuse though...I sat on my arse from 7am to 4:30pm on Saturday for traffic school. I can't tell you how depressing it was to sit under fluorescent lighting for an entire Saturday listening to someone drone on about California traffic laws. Did you know that I break the law with my car at least 30 times a day? I don't think I'm going to stop...just to spite the system. Hey! They made me waste a perfectly good Saturday and I'm getting them back by not signaling when I change lanes or putting my makeup on when I drive. Ha! So there!

The good thing about it was that the class occurred in Southern California (lots 'o weirdos down here) and I took some great notes on the people and situations around me. You may want to remove any young children from the room before reading the rest of this post (Heather Taylor - since you have an impressionable fetus growing inside of you, you may want to use caution before proceeding)...People in California are worse than the lunatics who run Rocky Point Haunted House!

The Lady to my Left

I figured that since all I had to do was stay awake, I'd take this opportunity to do a little writing. The problem with this was that I was in a room of about 150 people who were as bored out of their minds as I was and they had nothing better to do but to take a look at what I was doing. The person to my left thought it rather strange I should want to take notes in the class. Since we were crammed in like a couple of sardines on their wedding night, she felt she had no choice than to keep an eye on me and what I was writing. Have you ever wanted to do something that would shock the people around you? I was this close (imagine me holding up my index finger and thumb about a millimeter apart) to cuddling up to her, putting my head on her shoulder and asking her to sing me her rendition of "Yankee Doodle Dandy"...you know, for shock value.

She was also extremely appalled that I had the gall to weigh over 99 lbs. This is Southern California for heavens sake! Why on earth would anyone let themselves weigh 110 lbs!?!? (I've changed my weight to protect the innocent) My curves must've bothered her because she couldn't help but roll her eyes at me every 20 seconds. Oh! and it was ALL OVER when I had to climb over her to use the rest room. Instead of standing up and moving into the isle, she would rather watch me trip over her knees (that reached all the way to the seat in front of her, by the way) hurtle myself toward her and literally fall into her lap before I could compose myself and move my curvy body into the isle. (I think she secretly enjoyed it, who knows she could have been a lesbian)

I LOVE Sunlight!

When I've been cooped up in a fluorescently lit court room for four hours the sun is a welcome ray of heat and light. As I walk into the beautiful Southern California heat all my feeling begins to return to my body. The boredom dissipates, the helplessness is replaced with feelings of joy and emotion. Happiness rushes back into my body like a broken dam...the water waiting to surge out to freedom - pent up in its prison for far too long. The sun lifts my mood to levels of near euphoria...NOTHING can bring me down from this state of joy...nothing EXCEPT a fluorescently lit court room where boredom abounds. (Sigh) Back to traffic school.

Thoughts on Life

My life is an open book. I have no secrets from anyone or anything. Of course my life is full of sacred things that I hold dear to my heart - things I don't publish to the world. But, as far as secrets go, I don't think I have any. I'm happy to talk to you about my bowel movements...that is if you'll listen. I had a great one this morning, by the way. I hear that if the poo floats...you're doing something right. I must be doing A LOT of somethings right. Just remember - you took the risk of reading this...

Make-up? Friend or Foe?
Disclamer: I'm really not that judgmental...I just couldn't help writing the following!

I truly believe that we are all God's Children and he loves us all equally. I also believe that we are all beautiful in our own way...some of us just take our "beautification" a little too far. There's something unsettling when you're faced with someone who looks like she should have her own cartoon show on Saturday morning. Honestly, the photo to the left is the one image I could find that looked even remotely close to this woman. I'm glad she was wearing make-up...sort of? But I ask you one question. Why on earth would you wear so much eye make-up that you put Sephora out of business to enhance your already frog-like eyes? If she's been doing plastic surgery...honey - you were fine the way you were. On top of all the eye make-up...is there a reason she just HAD to pluck her eyebrows into oblivion, then color them in with the darkest eyeliner she could find (she's probably BFF's with Angelica Houston). This I do know...she chose "Hooker Red" for her lips, because she's probably training to become a hooker...

Did I learn ANYTHING from Traffic School?

Probably not. But I did write down this acronym:

SIPDE

Search
Identify
Predict
Decide
Execute

I think I have a better one though...

Some day
Idiots will not
Piss me off because I'm
Determined to
Eliminate everyone behind a wheel who isn't me...

If you have a better one...please share. I need a good laugh!

Inspiration

2007-09-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh...Robbie is so HANDSOME!

I drive everywhere...well, all over Southern California. That's what I do, it's part of my job description. I can't say I do it well. A $300 traffic violation and 8 hours in traffic school are teaching me that it isn't worth it to drive over 90 on the freeways of Southern California (drive anywhere below 89 and you're home free...the cops just ignore you). Anyhoo...focus Emily...focus...

So I was driving the stretch of the 5 freeway through Camp Pendleton (So. Cal's marine base) and I started thinking, "I wish I were more creative...I used to be...I was such a good writer in college...HEY BUDDY - WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING...Idiot cut me off...I wish I could think of something to write about..." DUM DUM DUM (Drum Roll) - and that's when inspiration struck. I knew I needed to write something about my maternal grandmother - then I swerved passed another crazy lunatic. Why don't people drive as well as I do?

Grandma had such an amazing life. I called my mom later on in the day to run the idea by her and she said "You need to be more careful on those Southern California freeways." No wait that's what she says every other time I call her. She actually said, "Yeah, grandma did have an amazing life. You'd be surprised how interesting your own life is if you sat down to write about it."

So there you go. I'm dedicating this blog to my failing creativity. I've got to find my inner creative child. I've got to have an outlet to post all my crazy ideas and mind wanderings. One day my creativity will flourish and I'll be an amazing writer who has so much money she's richer than the queen of England...wait, isn't that the Harry Potter lady?

Please tell me what you think...I'll be praying, hoping, waiting with baited breath to read your ideas and get your feedback as to how I can bring this dream of becoming a writer to fruition.

Happy Blogging...

Does My Writing Suck?

Help Others on Their Way

My Gift to Jesus

Be it unto me...

What's going to happen next?

All is well...

News...

Actual Conversation...

I Hope You All Had a Happy Easter

Yeah - BIG Shocker

To the Greatest Band in the World

I Heart Snuggies

ANOTHER Crazy Sighting...Sheesh...When will they end?

Actual Converstaion

Coming Soon...

A Day in the Life...And a Crazy Sighting

Because I said I would...and I'm not a liar...

A Day in the Life

Writers Block - RandEM-CAT Style

Jay Leno GO HOME!

The Fight Continues...

Funny thing...

2010 is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!

Santa Strikes with an Air of Professionalism

On Sabbatical...

You know You Love It

Time Keeps on Ticking...Kinda Like Turrets

Living With My Addiction

Mommy

More RandEM-CaTS - BabyStyle (with a little U2 sprinkled here and there)

Happy (late) Easter

April Fools

I Think I'm going to CRY!

Kreativ Awesomeness

Anyone Else Sick of the Government Bailouts?

I know I'm Obsessed...Roll with me folks.

I Suck as a U2 Fan!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Good News!

BREAKING NEWS - CONSPIRACY REVEALED

RandEM-CATs - Pregnancy Style

My Burden

Ode to 2008

I Think I Married a Scrooge

I Promise I'm not Complaining...

I think bed-rest has made me extremely UN-funny...

Wanna Pee Your Pants?

The Legacy of the Red Bicycle

Gratitude

It's been creeping up on me for some time...

I Voted Yes!!!

Tuesday Funny

I never respond to tags...

Hangin' with my little J-Dawg

Too Bad We Didn't See THIS Last Night

Don't you just love...

Thank you whoever you are...

And the weiner is...

Am I Funny?

9-25-08

It's almost over...SNIFF!!!

That's right folks...

Ummm...

And the Flavor is...

Update and Some Photos...sorry no belly shots yet!

Bleeding Love...

One &*$%*@ of a Month!

For all of you who are TOTALLY sick of the Campaign...Have a good Laugh!!

An UN-characteristic Post...

Um...Honey - I think he has your...eyes?

Do We Really Want This Man to be President?!?!?!?!?

Expelled

She Really Doesn't Have Cancer...

Video Killed the Radio Star...

The Meaningful Mixed Tape

GUYS! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

The Cutest Pig in the World

Do I look fat in this brain?

Song

A Whale of a Story

One &$%@ of a Month!